When is it going to be my turn?? WARNING: Self pitying entitled rant

[zombieplanmum]

I went for yet another job interview today, whilst i actually think i did really well, gave a good presentation etc, i know i haven't got it. All the other candidates far more qualified and experienced, internal candidate too :(

Another kick in the teeth

I just want something nice to happen to me, i want to get lucky, im doing my best to make my own luck and trying to remain positive but i just can't do it anymore.

My DP is self employed, his work is drying up, he has work for the next few week, maybe over a month and then it is the time that every tradesman dreads - fucking christmas.

We are behind with the mortgage, but should be able to pay that this week so not too worried, but then of course it will be due again in under two weeks :(

So there was alot of pressure on me to get this job, its the first interview ive had for ages and i put so much effort into my presentation, it was really good - but still nothing, i know i was there to make the numbers up. The guy who interviewed me was disinterested to the point of rudeness :(

I hear other people talking about holidays, stuff they are doing with their kids and family (my relationship with DP is a pile of poo just now because of all the pressure) nice things that happen to them, now realistically i know that people have their problems and im just feeling sorry for myself, but FFS, when is it going to be MY turn? I was helping DP do a job last week, for a young couple in their first home - their first £350K home that they have bought with the help of their parents, they both have good jobs and work really hard, they deserve it. On their coffee table were brochures for wedding venues, really beautiful wedding venues and im ashamed to say i was green with envy, their lives are just starting out, full of excitement and she probably spends her evenings flicking through wedding dress brouchures. I spend my evenings mopping floors on my cleaning job that im slightly overqualified for (PhD), so ive worked really hard too, and i just flick through bills that we can't pay and spend most of my time worrying about money and nagging DP about getting more work in. Desperately filling out application after application.

I want to be the mum at the school gates with the exciting news, i want a new pair of boots because mine have just died, i want to get married (never going to happen) and be the centre of attention. I want to go and eat at a really nice (when i say nice i mean country pub nice not michelen starred nice) resturant and take photos on it and put in on facebook. I want to be posting things about my horse (i dont have one) and how lovely he was on my morning hack through the forrest and dewy fucking medows.

I know its all terribly first world, i have my health, a roof over my head (for now) and a wonderful family, but FFS God, give me a break why don't you - give me something to look forward to.

Sorry to anyone who read that, but that needed to come out!

Wanted to add my support to say I read your rant and you came across as a well balanced person who has their head screwed on. About your career prospects, could you have a complete rethink and do things differently? If what you've been doing (interview after interview) isn't working. Perhaps post further details here or on a career forum and people can offer suggestions?

About the young couple with good jobs, nice house and wedding plans don't be too jealous. They could well be unhappy, perhaps getting into debt for a life they can't really afford. Or just want more and be unable to appreciate what they have. The more you have the more you want.

I know things look shitty right now. Things will change, especially if you do your best to steer your fate rather than letting the fates steer you.

OP, your post and the answers on here are so refreshing.

I'm weary of hearing "make your own luck" and "think positive" when in fact two people can be equal in positivity and commitment and still end up with different results.

It can be used as an excuse for some people to be very smug indeed, as they'll attribute anything good as being down to their own thoughts/actions when actually there was a lot of luck involved too.

I've certainly had good things happen to me when I've been thinking negatively and taking a break from overworking, and bad things happen even when I've been extremely positive and hardworking. That's because life is complicated, unfair, random, inexplicable.

I hope you feel better, a good old rant always helps. I really hope that you're back here ranting about your workplace and workmates soon.

That sounded like i want you in a job you hate that wasn't the sentiment i was going for

Ah, you lot are lovely! I did feel better for my rant, very cathartic thankyou :) Thankyou for all the lovely comments.

I'm not sure about well balanced, im having CBT at the moment, i think my therapist is scared of me

Thinking on things, maybe i actually did have a lucky break (this is going to sound like sour grapes) but this mornings interview was a pile of poo really - told to arrive at 9am, HR didn't come to get us until 9.15 (i had already been waiting around since 8am as i hate being late for things and was relying on buses). When we did go upstairs they told us to bear with them because they hadn't got th room ready! Then two more candidates turn up and they take the guy who turned up last for the first interview. No tour of the college, no introduction, nothing. Then When i finally get my interview at 10.30!!!! There is no overhead projector, just a lap top for everyone to sit round - im not sure my zombie apocalypse slide really had the impact in intended when people had to squint to look at it. I am starting to see why the place has such a high staff turnoever!

So maybe God was looking after me after all, better things are waiting................................................. [manic grin]

There's nothing like rejection from a job interview to make you feel like shit.I was in your shoes a few years ago, having been made redundant I was desperate for employment and had many things counting on me securing the job.Well I think my desperation shone through because I did not get a single one of them and was devastated. I also remember looking at other people's lives and thinking how simple they were compared to mine. Things will get better for you as they did for me, something has your name on it and its just a case of waiting ,this turbulance is just part of someone's masterplan for you.

No one has a perfect life. Believe me. I've just written a very long (cathartic) post explaining why my life looks perfect but actually right now "sucks beyond the telling of it" but it was ridiculously dull and irrelevant so I deleted it.

But trust me on this one.

I feel your pain! I have had several interviews lately, and been given very positive feedback....and yet remain unemployable!
I do have some freelance work, but am behind on the rent, behind on the bills and maxed out on my credit cards.
Fuck fuck fuck.
I hope you get a break soon OP.

You too ifnotnow - our time WILL come!

YES! it WILL ! And so will the zombies ! Nom nom nom