...to not feel guilty about upsetting MIL

[ohnowwhat]

At weekend my dd was having a sleep over at mil and dil's. She had already been on the computer with daddy and had about an hour which is the most we allow her.(she only has computer time about twice a week as well)
When she was getting ready to go I told her that as she had already been on the computer that she should not go on mil's (Its an Ipad) that night, and if she went on it the next day she shouldn't go on it for too long.
I told her this as the last time she went and stayed over she was on it for hours.
When Mil brought her back she seemed cool with me.
When she had gone dh told me that I had 'upset her' because I dd had told her that 'mummy said not to go on it tonight'
..wt?
Why on earth should it upset her that dd was being good and remembering her computer rules?
I don't get it?

Gosh. Yes! It does seem a bit unreasonable now...
I didn't think that mil would be looking forward to going on it with her...
Before she went it was dh's fault she had been on the computer (he wanted some game time too!)and I was a bit concerned that she was a bit tired, been on it a while and thought that too much screen time wasn't good, headaches/eye strain.
yep, I think I need to, what was it? 'Unclench'!
Thanks for opening my eyes!

I am laughing at this. I too think 'unclench' is a good turn of phrase.

Glad you have OP. x

Oh and should mention, that mil offers to have her. She got churlish when I was reluctant for dd to sleep over,I was thinking it was a bit unfair on them for me and dh to go out then abandoning dd 'foisting her off!' But mil was insistant.
And also she does take drawing books toys reading books and a film.
Its not just the fact that last time she was on the computer for a very long time (about two hours continuos on the night and three again at least the next day ("Oh she likes it shes been on it all morning!!") its that I also think its rude to go to someones house and thenm sit all the time at a screen not joining in with anything...
Anyway thanks again!

Bless you op. for coming back. I think you're right btw.

nicely done OP

you're a good 'un, took the flame unflinchingly

OP, I get irritated with my MiL sometimes - until I hear about some truly awful experiences with other inlaws, and then I think.... ok. not so bad!

FWIW, My mum spends a lot of time with my DS on her ipad when he goes round hers. I think she's sort of impressed that he can do things like swipe and work a touchscreen. When he's never known any different!

They spend a lot more time on the ipad than DS would ever do with me (don't want toddler sticky fingers all over mine, ta) - but I think kids work out VERY early on that one kind of rules apply in one house and not in another. Ds never expects to go on the ipad more at home with me - just with Granny....

Yay to op!

YAB very very very very very very very REASONABLE to take on board the mighty opinion of the Mumsnet masses.

can you save the hour so MIL can use it next time?

Well done OP. Most people strop and claim they are DNBU and how could we all disagree.

I'm quite pleased with unclench myself.

Next time I see Mil I shall say something nice!
And...breath...
I shall just mention to her that it might be an idea/could she just remind dd to have a break now and again when she is on i pad?...
Does that sound ok?
Appreciate your opinions!

That sounds fine OP. Really good of you to listen and take note of different view points.

Ahhhh well done OP - very refreshing response! And yes that sounds very reasonable.