...to not feel guilty about upsetting MIL

[ohnowwhat]

At weekend my dd was having a sleep over at mil and dil's. She had already been on the computer with daddy and had about an hour which is the most we allow her.(she only has computer time about twice a week as well)
When she was getting ready to go I told her that as she had already been on the computer that she should not go on mil's (Its an Ipad) that night, and if she went on it the next day she shouldn't go on it for too long.
I told her this as the last time she went and stayed over she was on it for hours.
When Mil brought her back she seemed cool with me.
When she had gone dh told me that I had 'upset her' because I dd had told her that 'mummy said not to go on it tonight'
..wt?
Why on earth should it upset her that dd was being good and remembering her computer rules?
I don't get it?

In my view if a relative is minding my child I would feel churlish to deny them giving a treat.

However, freddo, sometimes with crazy food mothers I agree you have to calm them down a tad.

YABU and both you and DH a bit unkind; you seem to know that screen time is something that gran and DD enjoy doing together yet you didn't discourage DH and DD from doing stuff on the computer before she left for her sleepover. What does DH say about this? Or are you In Charge of all?*

what a meanie [raspberry]

*waits for drip drip, MIL is termagant blah blah yeah yeah face/palm

it's lovely for nans to be able to spoil gcs.

Sometimes it all gets a bit power gamsey.

YABU.

I was totally up for a good MIL bashing there and totally support you in limiting use of a computer but you need to do it in your time not your MIL's. In fact I think its really cheeky. Asking for childcare then using up one of the best ways you have of entertaining your daughter before she goes. I bet MIL is older and finds babysitting really hard work and needs an hours peace here and there.

YABU

Yabu - Oh for gods sake, the most feeble reason Ive seen yet for a MIL bashing thread.

"My rules blah blah blah, computers are evillllllllll"!!!!!

you are the parent, you get to do treats first That's the opposite of what I think. GPs get to do treats and I only do them very rarely. I think YABU too. I really think that unless something is actually BANNED (like I wouldn't let DD watch Saw) that needs to be respected. Anything treats like cake, TV, computers, which are OK at home, should be OK at GPs.

YABU, what does it matter, take a chill pill ( this is my new default answer to mental OPs)

YABU. I wouldn't dream of dictating what should and shouldn't be done at someone else's house. My dm & dmil are both in their 60's and if they're happy to look after my dc's, especially overnight, then whatever gets them through frankly
As others have said it was mean of you to use up all your dd's screen time before sending her to mil. You want it restricted then you restrict it.
God people are horrible to their in-laws

The DH should have not spent the time on the computer with his dd if his Mum wanted to have it. Why should OP have to be the sensible/mean one that is responsible for restricting stuff?

The OP said she could go on the iPad the next day, just not the same day!

Well if the child is allowed on twice a week why even tell mil no in the first place?

Surely she could just go on once at home the following week.

Well, YABU really. I think if you want to restrict your daughter's screen time very rigidly, why not do it at your house?

If your DD was being parked in front of the ipad for hours and hours then ok, you could ask them to limit the time, but that's not the situation is it.

If I was your MIL, I'd be thinking 'so ohnowwhat will let her DD watch something on the PC at THEIR house, but I'm not allowed to....'.

Which is like feeding your child sweeties and then telling grandparents not to.

Not very fair and I think you should just relax about it. You have GPs willing and able to take your DD overnight. That's great, plenty of others would be grateful for the chance!

I think YABU. I can't forget the time I went over to my SIL's house to help babysit my DH's niece, with my PILs (my DN is sweet, but she is three and can be a HANDFUL.) When we arrived, DN was sitting happily in front of the television. The moment we walked in SIL immediately switched off the TV and told us in no uncertain terms that my DN had had all her TV time for the day. And swanned off. For five exhausting hours. I was so pissed of on behalf of my aged and unwell ILs. And I won't be babysitting again.

YANBU.

Not much by way of babysitting if they are just plonking her in front of a computer. If you wanted to do that, you could have just let her get on with it at home...

I don't get all these relatives who say they are doing you a favour by babysitting, take the dc for a short time, plonk them in front of the TV and give them sweets and then hand them back to you for the fallout....I'd rather not have that babysitting myself.

You must stay in a lot discrete.

Best not let her go there again OP, just in case!

My MIL uses her Ipad to entertain - rightly or wrongly - and I can understand how this is a good way for grandparents to entertain in a non energetic way, and they probably really enjoy doing it together.

However, drama drama drama! MIL passing on messages of being upset! Childish!! My MIL does this and gets upset over teeny tiny things she will never mention face to face... also uses ipad too much so can empathise too... dd will take books, toys etc to her and she always pulls out ipad :(

I just hate more than anything the lack of talking about feelings

YABU - she was doing you a favour and it's not that much of a big deal. I think, when a friend or relative looks after your DCs they have a right (within reason) to run things the way they want. She was probably tired, as another poster suggested up thread. Sorry to say this but I think you owe her an apology.

No sign of the OP? Imagine that...

Maybe op has reached the permissible computer limit this week?