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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be really cheesed off with DH

80 replies

stinklebell · 15/10/2012 10:10

First up, I know this is trivial and in the grand scheme of things completely unimportant, and we're still pretty lucky to be going, but I am gutted and cheesed off with DH.

We have 2 children, who have been begging for ages to go to Disneyland Paris.

We can't afford it on our own, so my Mum suggested that instead of buying loads of stuff for the kids, they'd pay for a trip to Disneyland as their Christmas present.

So we looked into it, found a fab deal for a 3 night stay to leave Boxing Day and we booked it last week.

DH and I agreed to keep it quiet, and not say anything at all until the morning we leave.

Saddo that I am, was really looking forward to seeing their faces when they realise that they're going there and then.

I went out for a couple of hours yesterday, and came back to oldest DC bursting with excitement about Disney.

DH had bloody told them.

I know there's nothing I can do about it, they can't be un-told, we'll still have a fab time, but I'm gutted I didn't even get to be here when they were told

OP posts:
SugariceAndScary · 15/10/2012 12:16

That was a shitty thing that he did OP and I too would be seething if DH had done this, Git! Angry.

quote love popularity tart by the way! Grin

JustinBoobie · 15/10/2012 12:18

I would be absolutely fucking livid!

We are going on holiday for half term, and we've not told the kids for the excitement factor.

I would have kicked him in the front.

YANBU!!!!!!!!!!! x a million!

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 15/10/2012 12:20

I'd fucking KILL HIM! Twat!

Alligatorpie · 15/10/2012 12:32

I would also be really upset. Maybe you should show him this thread, so he can see you are not alone in your feelings and don't need to "get a grip!"

EldritchCleavage · 15/10/2012 12:35

I had something this when DH left me struggling with stuff in the car boot in the car park and took DS off to see the sea for the first time. He would only have had to wait 2 more minutes for me. He didn't get it until I cried, and did apologise. But it was the same feeling of, 'Why didn't it even occur to you that I might want to be in on that?'

Original poster
stinklebell · 15/10/2012 12:36

Thanks!

Yes, I will show him this later. If I don't kill him first!

OP posts:
Original poster
stinklebell · 15/10/2012 12:38

why didn't it even occur to you that I might want to be in on that

Exactly that!

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 15/10/2012 12:43

Get on the websites & start planning what they want to do! Lots of fun & excitement to have before the holiday so make the most of it!!!

Original poster
stinklebell · 15/10/2012 12:59

Oh, yes, the kids have been on the website and are full of it, we've booked dinner with Mickey and the Princess one, but I'm still cross Grin

OP posts:
Laquitar · 15/10/2012 13:09

One of those moments when i read mn and wonder if i need to visit my GP.

It wouldn't bother me much Confused, you 've seen their happy faces 10 min later. Unless he is competitive with you and this is the icetip.

squoosh · 15/10/2012 13:11

Off to the doctor with you Laquitar, you're far too mild mannered!

EldritchCleavage · 15/10/2012 13:12

Oi, Laquitar, docs, now.

Original poster
stinklebell · 15/10/2012 13:13

Normally I am quite laid back, but this one has really got my knickers in a twist

OP posts:
Laquitar · 15/10/2012 13:15

Oh shit! I knew i need that apptm Grin

Sidge · 15/10/2012 13:18

Laquitar I was just going to post the same thing. I'll come with you, make a double appointment...

OP I can understand why you'd be disappointed at not sharing the excitement of telling them together but door slamming, raging, sleeping in the spare room pissed off? That I don't understand.

But then I wouldn't have waited/agreed to tell them at the last minute either - half the fun is the anticipation and doing a days to go countdown.

ChocHobNob · 15/10/2012 13:19

Your knickers are probably in so much of a twist largely down to the fact he wont admit how much of a fcukwit he was. He was out of order and he should admit that and apologise.

Original poster
stinklebell · 15/10/2012 13:21

It wasn't so much the offence, as the attitude afterwards.

I was pissed off, he told me to get a grip, a row ensued.

"Sorry darling, I didn't realise" or similar would have done nicely.

I am utterly pissed off that he completely ruined a surprise, but an apology would have done a bit of damage limitation

OP posts:
Original poster
stinklebell · 15/10/2012 13:21

Sorry, x-posted, but yes!

OP posts:
stayathomegardener · 15/10/2012 13:27

Please do tell him I think he is a selfish idiot -Cheshire UK

And yes it is the post event attitude that makes it so much worse.

HoneyDragon · 15/10/2012 13:27

I'd be incredibly hurt. I think more by the refusal to see what he did as unfair and hurtful than the actual deed itself.

ENormaSnob · 15/10/2012 13:30

What a selfish, cruel thing to do.

Even the thickest of thickos surely would realise what a big deal telling the kids was.

He's a prick.

Laquitar · 15/10/2012 13:31

Wine for you Sidge

JennerOSity · 15/10/2012 13:48

It is definitely the total lack of 'oops sorry' after the event which makes it so crappy. He wants you to snap out of it - but before you can be graciously forgiving he needs to offer some contrition!

Someone once threw soup all over me on a plane flight. She was all - "oh it's nothing, it'll clean up". Which should have been my line after she had said 'oh no! Sorry how clumsy of me' (or similar)

So I was left with soup all over me and someone telling me it was no big deal... no apology. Made what could have been a funny incident and smiles all round, into just me feeling like she had taken the piss and sat smelling of soup while she absolved herself of all guilt.

Minor in comparison - but the forgiver and forgivee roles should never be mixed up as it causes more ill-feeling IMO.

squoosh · 15/10/2012 13:54

The Disneyland Paris TV ads are all about the kids reaction when the parents break the exciting news. An adult should be able to keep it zipped.

Think up some revenge, something like 'I know I shouldn't be tell you this, I should save it for the day but what the hell, here goes . . . . . . . I've forgotten that it's your birthday in a month's time and therefore I will forget to buy you a birthday present. SURPRISE!!!!'

Original poster
stinklebell · 15/10/2012 14:27

To be honest, the whole point of the trip for me was the kids reactions and them having an amazing time and making (particularly) DD2's dreams come true (saddo alert). I'm not going for my benefit. I've been once years ago and personally I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than go again, but there you go.

And because DH couldn't keep his trap shut until i got back, I missed their reactions when they realised we are actually going. And he did it in a really duff way, I wanted to make a bit of a deal about it iyswim. Not, 'oh yeah, we've booked it, we're going after Christmas'

And then when I tried to explain why I was gutted, instead of saying 'oh, shit, sorry, didn't think' he completely dismissed it, told me what's done is done and to get a grip.

I mean, why didn't it even occur to him that I might want to be around when they're told as something as exciting (for them obviously) as that?

He went out Friday night, the ad came on the TV, DD started up her usual refrain and I managed to restrain myself, because I thought DH would want to be around when they were told and because we'd agreed to keep quiet about it

I know we'll have a fab time, I know it's not the end of the world but I'm bloody cross about it

OP posts: