To think DM should report this?

[Moominsummermadness]

Dsis aged 15 was attacked last night. She was supposed to be getting a lift home from wherever she'd been with a friend, but friend disappeared, so friend's parents didn't pick Dsis up. She decided to walk instead of calling Dm, and took a shortcut across recreational ground. It was pitch black.

Dm called me early this morning. When Dsis got home, she went straight to her room. DM could tell something wasn't right, Dsis admitted she'd been physically assaulted from behind, and had been knocked unconscious. She woke up on the ground some time later. She doesn't know if she was sexually assaulted or not.

I told DM to get Dsis checked out and report it to the police. She doesn't want to involve the police, thinking that they will be insensitive. She has agreed to take her to A&E to get checked out though. So worried for Dsis and the effects this may have on her. Any advice ?

How is your sister now? X

Be very very careful how you handle this. The last thing she needs is to feel harrangued. Yes, stand outside the situation and yell about how she must report it, it's clear from out here. But be a 15 year old child who has just had - we don't know what - happen to her and I tell you now, you need to not be in her ear talking about her responsibility to the community or going behind her back to have the police come to her door to somehow force her to talk.

I suggest you get advice on the best and most sensitive and understanding way to proceed.

Here are some links/numbers for practical advice, Moomin:

Rape and Sexual Abuse Support Centre freephone helpline:
0808 802 9999 The helpline is open 12-2.30pm and 7-9.30pm every day
Google 'rape and sexual abuse support centre' + name of your nearest town to get website advice

NHS advice about getting help after a sexual assault

Rape Crisis national website

Guidance/handbook on what happens 'from report to court' - but this is focussed on adult survivors of sexual attack.

Hope your sis, mum and you are OK :)

Yes yes YES to what Hecate said.

You must try and persuade her to go to the police. This person might have struck before and most likely will strike again.

And YES to MrsDV. Here are some highlights from the advice given by Rape Crisis:

"If you have been raped the most important thing to remember is that it was not your fault."

"If you want to report the assault to the police it is up to you. But the sooner you report rape the more forensic evidence can be collected by the police or a SARC."

"If you do not wish to take legal action, it may be important that you receive medical attention. You do not have to have a forensic examination if you go a SARC, A & E or your GP. You may need to receive treatment for your injuries, emergency contraception, and checks for STIs.
Immediately after being raped there are decisions that you will have to make, the consequences of which will last for a long time afterwards. The first is whether or not to report to the police. Rape Crisis, friends and family can help you by obtaining information for you about the procedures of the police and criminal justice system, and Rape Crisis will support you through that process if you do choose to report your assault. You are the only one who can make the decision and no one else should make that decision for you."

Something else to emphasise is that the girl can contact a Sexual Abuse Reporting Centre (SARC). She does NOT need to go to the police. The SARCs will support her and give her appropriate medical help whether she wants to make a police report or not. And if appropriate, they will take and keep potential evidence until she is ready to make a decision. They recognise that NOW is often not the best time to try to make a report.

Here is info about the SARCs
and
Here is a 'Find your nearest SARC' search tool (NHS website) where you can type in your postcode or nearest town and find a SARC to support your sister.

She does not need the pressure of being told she has a responsibility to report it ffs.....and you really need to be very careful about forcing or coercing her to do anything, and going directly against what she has asked, she needs to know she can trust people.

And as for this " Tell her that it's people like her that probably meant Saville went to his grave unprosecuted....." This is something that has only just happened, I think we can forgive the mother for thinking of her daughter and only of her daughter right now!! Laying a guilt trip on the victims and their families does not help.

Getting back to the point - I am a bit worried about her as she has had a blow to the head. Even if she had blacked out for a moment by falling down the stairs I would insist that she saw a doctor.

Not to scaremonger but a friend of mine had a blow to the head (from a billiard ball), thought she was ok so refused medical help, and suffered from horrible headaches for months afterwards.

She has the right to report, or not. Obviously it would be better if she did but she is under no obligation to. The only person responsible for anything the criminal might go on to do is: the criminal.

But I really would drag her to A&E over the head injury. These things can be terribly dangerous even if you feel fine immediately afterwards.

Have just lost the long post I typed out!

None of it is really adding up. I went to DM's house, DM and Dsis were out, as they'd gone to get the MAP. When they got back, Dsis looked absolutely fine. She did not want to talk to me, at all, and was not happy that DM had told me about it. I managed to speak (briefly) to DM about it, and she said that Dsis now was pretty sure that she wasn't sexually assaulted, she things that the attacker tried to mug her, but she didn't have anything of any value on her. Apparently, she was not hit on the head, but was slammed into with force from behind, and she was winded and blacked out.

My gut feeling is that she had been with a boy, had gone further than she meant to, and panicked afterwards. Whilst I hope that this was the case, and she wasn't attacked, I would be disappointed that she would make up the fact that she had been attacked. If she was sure that she hadn't been sexually assaulted,or had sex of her own free will, I don't understand why she would so readily take the MAP. I will probably never know what happened. I just hope that she wasn't attacked, and feels to ashamed to get proper help.

I do feel quite angry about DM's reluctance to pursue things this morning. If one of daughters ever told me they'd been physically or sexually assaulted, I would insist that they had help from the appropriate services. I've always felt that DM brushed the incident that happened to me under the carpet. She said today that if I ever wanted to talk about it, she's there for me. Seventeen years too late!

Thank you all so much for your concern and replies. Hopefully Dsis is fine, and nothing awful did actually happen.

Maybe your sister will be able to confide in you later on. Try and be ready to listen when she wants to talk. I'm sure it was a stressful day all round. Hope everyone is ok.

Thank you greenhill. I'm going to send her a text telling her that I'm here if she needs me.

Just wanted to say what HecateLarpo said - it's her choice if she reports it or not - support her and encourage her but don't take THAT choice away

A+E for the head injury

If she'd told her mum about the head injury last night, it would clearly have been sensible to go to A&E. But by this morning, after a good night's sleep, the advice would probably be just to keep a careful eye on her - unless there are other symptoms like nausea or blurring vision or slurred speech or other unusual behaviour. The full NHS advice about head injuries is here.
I hope your sister is OK, and you are all recovering from a very stressful day!