To get separate beds or even separate rooms!

[needsomesunshine]

I have wanted to post about this for ages as it is causing me sleep problems. I have just finished feeding but can't sleep. Dh usually falls asleep on the sofa & I leave him there just so I can get a decent sleep. He moves around in his sleep a lot, sleeps with his legs up, rolls over, snores, farts & has night tremors where he whines in his sleep! I'm a light sleep and usually only get about 4 hrs solid sleep a night. I can't use earplugs due to the baby. I have a much better sleep when he sleeps on the sofa but I realise this is no long term solution. We have talked about separate rooms. Has anyone had any experience of this? Its not generally something people talk about in RL but We get on so much better when we haven't shared a bed as we both get a decent nights sleep.

I sleep in the spare room when DPs snoring is keeping me awake, it felt strange at first but now I love having a bed to myself and getting a full nights sleep.

DH and I have separate bedrooms. Mine is flowery and tidy and antique and warm with a an ensuite. His is modern and cold and brightly colored and untidy.
We each have a double bed that suits us. Mine has a memory foam mattress, his is like a concrete block.
He snores and I am insomniac. I have a fan on all night, he has radio 4.

We have been married for 24 years and have 2DC. We have a well worn path between the rooms :)

We are quite upfront about it. Some people do look quizzical, but when I explain they start to look a bit jealous. So many people have said 'ooh, that sounds blissful' that I begin to wonder if more people would do it IF it were more socially acceptable

Yes I definitely think more people would do it if it was socially acceptable and everyone had enough rooms. Sometimes I fantasise about having separate houses as well . I really think sleeping in the same bed all night as someone else is over-rated. Have just got the first straight 7 hours of sleep I have had for months because dh is away and dd2 stayed in her own bed for once!

I sleep better in a bed on my own.

DP would too. But you will never hear him admit it. Im jealous of anyone who has a lovely bed all to themselves.

My parents sleep in separate rooms; he is a light sleeper and she snores. I did find it odd as I love sleeping in the same bed as dp despite the farting/snoring etc but luckily I think we are boty similar sleepers so don't bug eachother too much. I must admit that when my babies were tiny I wouldve loved to sleep separately so I didn't have to worry about waking him when night feeding etc but he said no! He wanted to be close to me at night. We now have a kingsized bed which has made life so much more pleasant!

I sleep in the same bed as Dh but we have 2 single quilts on our double bed because he is a hogger
I know a lot of couples who've been married years and say the secret is having separate beds though
I wouldn't worry about what other people think and as for your dc, I would just make sure to show that extra bit of affection to your dh when they are around so they know there are definitely no issues (by this I just mean a few more I love you's or hugs etc)

YANBU but you will get people who will assume you have no sex life because after all sex must take place in the marital bed during the night

I know quite a few people who have separate rooms. Normally shift workers. Don't worry about it! Get some sleep!

YADNBU - nice though it is to snuggle up in bed with your partner, there are few things in life that are important to your well being and quality of life than getting enough sleep. I think everyone - and esp busy people with DCs - should prioritise sleep much more than they do.

DH and I share a bed but also have a bed in the office next door which we (usually he) often use: sometimes in advance, if we are particularly tired or have a particularly busy/difficult day; sometimes on the spur of the moment, if one of us isn't sleeping well. Much though I love sleeping with him, I love the nights on my own too. The balance of time together/apart needs to depend on how bad the sleeping is, and if it is bad enough often enough then permanently separate rooms is the best answer.

The risk is that you drift apart physically and become less affectionate, but I think you can easily prevent this. In fact, your physical relationship is likely to be much better than if you are both exhausted and infuriated with each other for snoring.

Forget about social norms - figure out what works for you. DCs are unlikely to notice when young, and when older you can just explain about the sleeping problems. I doubt they'll care.

We do some of both. Together at the moment because we are both sleeping okish. And he is cold without me. As soon as insomnia strikes, we will part! Some people are very funny about it, but it's not their business. I think it is a bit insecure to inagine a marriage will crumble because you don't snore next to each other. Do what you need to OP. Sleep matters.

I know lots of people who do this, marriages all fine. My friends with little kids happily talk about it, but I suspect some people feel a bit embarrassed - they shouldn't!

I'd do it if my DS was not sleeping still and we had a bigger/nicer house.

I wish I had another room so we could do this but DS1 is 19 has a room to himself and DS2 and DS3 who are 4 and 10 share the other room so sadly no! Im a very poor sleeper and I snore, this doesnt seem to bother DH some nights but other nights it does. Plus I get hot and would really prefer the window open all night, even now..but hes got asthma and the cold air goes for his chest. As much as I would like a better sleep I cant kill him off in the process!

I sleep in "the spare room" and have done for about 4yrs

We're just having an en suite added to the main bedroom and re decorate, I will attempt to move back in once its all nice.
I moved out as dh kept shouting at ME about my snoring even though he snorts snores and shouts. Since I lost weight I don't snore anymore ... I don't know if it'll work as HE still does

but I want back in when its all prettied up in there!

It was reported a month or so ago that women need their sleep more than men and it is vital for a happy marriage.
I had bed to myself last night as when dh drinks he can wake the dead with his snoring and I admit I really look forward to sleeping alone.
We slept seperately when dd was a baby but that was for his benefit as i did all the night feeds.
Just waiting to get our spare room sorted and I think seperate rooms will be on the cards again :)

If it's good enough for Her Majesty, it's good enough for me.:o

If you have enough space for separate rooms, do it! I hate sharing a bed. I'm a light sleeper and often have disturbed nights with poor quality sleep with my husband in the bed. But he wants to share, so we do most of the time, with occasional nights in the spare room when I reach the end of my rope. I do hope, over the years, I can persuade him to move to separate rooms.

Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton have separate but connected houses. That would be my ideal!!!

We have DD2 in with us. DP snores. If its not DD waking me, DP is snoring. I have not had a decent nights sleep in so so long. If it means you get some sleep, go for it. Sleep deprivation isn't used as a form of torture for nothing!

Nothing wrong with having separate rooms. Sleeping together doesn't work for some people and imo doesn't suggest there's anything wrong with a relationship.

DH and I slept separately when the children were bf and co-sleeping. If we had space to do it on a permanent basis I think we probably would. I hate snoring, fidgeting and the extra heat generated by another adult in the bed. I get too hot when sleeping alone.

We also sleep in separate rooms. Also due to DH's snoring. Despite him sleeping in the spare room, I still use ear plugs and sleep with my door closed. I can still hear him, but it no longer keeps me awake.

I would LOVE my own room all nicely done out and tidy and then DH can let his room get all moldy and crusty from the dirty pants strewn across the floor!

We have 10mo DD so will sometimes pack off to the spare room but have back to back guests at the mo. We do however have a massive American bed which helps a little doesn't bloody get rid of the most irritating noise of him scratching his fucking balllsack all night long

My next door neighbour & her husband do have separate houses! He has one further down the street. She lived in hers for years with her first husband. He died and she re-married but instead of moving in with her, her new hubby bought another house on the same road.

She says its because he doesn't like her bath!

My Grandparents had separate rooms for about 25 years of their 51 year marriage. It worked fine for them.
Just make sure you still have time for yourselves where you can cuddle up together, maybe get into his bed first thing in the morning for a snuggle.

Sometimes one earplug in the ear you are not sleeping on works, I am still woken by DD mainly because she is whacking me

We would love separate rooms but don't have enough rooms, sadly. But we do have one of those triple bunk beds (with a double at the bottom) which we got because it was the cheapest thing around. We sleep separately with one of us at the top.

It's brilliant. DH works shifts so it means he doesn't wake me getting up at ridiculous o'clock. He throws himself around a lot in the night -flings an arm out or something - and used to whack me (it was genuinely accidental but didn't make me any less cross over it!) and also DD would come into bed and annoy him or he would get cross about the dog on my feet. We have our own space now and it really suits us, so much that when we go on holiday and share we both find it a bit of a strain.

We have loads of sex (TMI!) and the bed has lots of random bars etc which is actually much better than a normal bed for all sorts of antics . We've been together 20 years and sleeping like this for almost half of that, and are happier than we've ever been.

The only downside is that I worry that friends etc will think we are weird. The girls are now teens and seem to accept it but I worry about that too. I tell myself it's silly to worry because it's only about what's socially acceptable. But social pressure is a big thing.

If we had enough space he would have his own room. I actually think his own house, maybe next door, would be even better!

Separate rooms here too. Started about 8 years ago when DS kept coming into our bed. Then I ended up regularly co-sleeping with DS even when he was far too old to do so! He cuddled and didn't snore!

Now I am in main bedroom and DH is in spare. DS now 11 and in own room but he is conscious that it is not the done thing and when his cousins were here in the summer he insisted that DH slept in with me. So then one night I ended up creeping into DS's bed as DH was snoring! He was not impressed.

Am about to redecorate my room too and it will be how I like it!