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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want another sexual partner

74 replies

McHappyPants2012 · 13/10/2012 01:00

hope i get flamed.

i have only had sex with my DH, I feel that i have missed out and I want to have sex with a random because I really have not got a clue.

OP posts:

Original poster

McHappyPants2012 · 13/10/2012 01:41

sorry for drip feeding.

OP posts:

imperialstateknickers · 13/10/2012 01:44

In what way are you drip feeding? Drip feeding is when you tell us something materially important halfway through the thread - I've just checked and you haven't.

Original poster

McHappyPants2012 · 13/10/2012 01:46

for adding more than the OP.

OP posts:

imperialstateknickers · 13/10/2012 01:48

As far as I can see, you are feeling guilty because you've never shagged anyone but your partner.
Your friends are laughing at you because you have told them this, and they don't believe you.
You are having fantasies about sex with someone else.

Item one - entirely up to you. But it does avoid catching nasty diseases, assuming he's faithful too.
Item two. Their problem not yours. See above.
Item three. We all do this.

BridgetBidet · 13/10/2012 01:49

I suspect it is a lot less unusual than you think it is. I think it's a lot more socially acceptable to say you've slept with other people before you married/settled down these days but I think it's probably fairly common not to have done.

Not because people are deliberately saving themselves or anything like that but just because a lot of people don't sleep around take the trouble to make sure they really like someone before they sleep with them so often that ends up being the person they stick with.

I would never be so rude as to ask but I have a few friends who are with partners they've been with since they were in their late teens or early 20s who I think may well just have slept with them.

I don't think it's unusual or freakish at all. Probably fairly common and just because of circumstances, not any grand principle or anything.

imperialstateknickers · 13/10/2012 01:51

McHappy I really need to go to bed. Tonight I will be dreaming of Brad Pitt (in the Thelma and Louise days incarnation) and kissing dp. Who I luff dearly despite his utter failure to resemble Brad Pitt in any way whatsoever.

Original poster

McHappyPants2012 · 13/10/2012 01:53

going to bed aswell, i am knckered. Thanks for all the help on this thread.

good night all

OP posts:

imperialstateknickers · 13/10/2012 01:54

And v. briefly having seen Bridget's post, I envy my baby sister, who fell in love with her dp when she was 15 and he was 19 and are now v happy parents of two dcs 20 years later.

greenplastictrees · 13/10/2012 01:56

Funny you say that...I got together with my DP at 18. I was his first, he wasn't mine. I had one previous sexual partner. I always wished he was my first although have come to terms/got over that now I think. Grass is always greener I guess.

SoupInaBasket · 13/10/2012 07:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mutny · 13/10/2012 08:13

So you want to cheat on your dh because your friends are shocked you have only had sex with him?

weegiemum · 13/10/2012 08:18

Dh and I have only ever been with each other. Can't imagine ever wanting to be with anyone else...

fluffyraggies · 13/10/2012 08:45

I can sympathise with this Mchappy. Don't feel bad about it.

I married XH very young. Teens. Baby on the way. I had had a couple of boy friends before him with whom i'd had sort of sex. I say sort of because in both cases the lad was a virgin and neither of us had had much clue what we were doing. I was XHs first also. During my 15 years of marriage to ex i felt exactly as you do now. I wondered what proper grown up sex was like with another guy. Simple as that. I wondered what was wrong with me for thinking like that. Our sex life was comfortable but never set me on fire.

In a nut shell i've re-married now. Sex is amazing and i feel like i've been true to myself this time. I don't wonder or fantasise anymore.

Is this any help at all?? Probably not. Sorry!

How is your sex life with your DH mchappy? Do you feel like you can explore/experiment? Are you in a rut? This is what i'm clumsily trying to get at.

EdithWeston · 13/10/2012 08:46

I suspect they are incredulous in the same way as finding out that your quiet next door neighbour climbs Everest every year for charity - it's admiration of the achievement. OK, no everyone aspires to life-long monogamy (and no reason why they should) but it is a common ideal, and you're showing them it's possible. They may be envying you for having something that is no longer an option for them.

Do you really want to break up your home and your DH's trust in you forever for the sake of a quick shag, that will just feel Wrong to you? Fancy the pregnancy scares and STI checks after a broken condom?

Fairylea · 13/10/2012 08:50

If you love your dh you're not missing out on anything. Sex is just sex. It's nothing special. It's the connection that makes it something special.

perplexedpirate · 13/10/2012 08:55

Hhmmm. Tricky one.
On the one hand, I am actually rather jealous that you have only had sex with your husband. That must be the most amazing bond.
On the other, I have slagged it up a fair bit and in amongst some less than salubrious one night stands i have some truly awesome sex.
(that's not to say I don't have awesome sex with DH btw)
There are pluses and minuses to both situations I guess.

Fakebook · 13/10/2012 09:08

If your friends are laughing at you and calling you a liar, then they're not very good friends are they?! I wouldn't class people like that as friends.

I've only ever been with my husband and I am very happy sexually. I like the fact that I've learnt and explored new things with the man I love. We're both in tune with each others needs and wants and that makes it more enjoyable for us both. Hearing stories of drunken one night stands makes me cringe with disgust. It's not always amazing.

If you're wondering what sex with another man is like, then it sounds like you're (mc)unhappy(pants). Could you talk to your husband and try new things?

squoosh · 13/10/2012 09:28

Maybe your friends are surprised rather than thinking you a liar.

It's true that the grass is often greener but you need to work on upping the filth factor with your husband rather than dreaming of unexplored strangers.

Oh and I don't think that only having slept with one man is necessarily 'better' than 'slagging around' as bogeyface so charmingly put it. Why the need to describe someone with a healthy interest in sex and not always with the same man as 'nasty slapper' is beyond me.

GhostofMammaTJ · 13/10/2012 09:41

I am jealous of you. I too have, um been a slapper had a lot of few sexual partners and one night stands. I really wish I had had just the one.

I agree with those who say to spice it up a bit. Would hubby be up for a bit of role play? Go to a bar, then he come in and chat you up and leave together?

monkeysbignuts · 13/10/2012 09:43

sex is just sex unless its with someone who knows your likes and dislikes intimately.
I much prefer the sex I have with my dh to the sex with my first boy friend.
trust me the grass is not greener and your risking your marriage over something you will regret after.

snooter · 13/10/2012 11:24

Why do you feel you're missing out? Are you not enjoying your sex-life? We're not all swinging from the chandeliers you know. Although some of us have been, ahem. And if you're thinking about being unfaithful to broaden your experience - don't - it's not worth the emotional backlash.

Original poster

McHappyPants2012 · 13/10/2012 11:45

I do enjoy my sex life, and I don't want to ever break up my relationship with DH.

I think it is curiosity and the wondering what it is like.

OP posts:

snooter · 13/10/2012 12:07

What would it be like? Pretty much like the sex you're already having, I suspect, especially if you're enjoying it. Yes you can try different positions, orifices, add other people, sex-aids, porn etc, but at the end of the day sex with someone you have deep feelings for is more enjoyable than any amount of racy stuff with a stranger or other new partner. The novelty of the weirder stuff tends to wear off anyway. If you don't want to break up your relationship don't do it - it will affect you more deeply than you realise & will be a very difficult secret to keep.

HappyJustToBe · 13/10/2012 12:13

I met DH when I was 18 and was not a virgin. He was 24 and was. I'm jealous that his experience is limited to our relationship and wish mine was the same.

MoomieAndFreddie · 13/10/2012 12:18

I would feel the same OP tbh

Not sure what else to say to you :(

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