Mothers of teenagers - HELP!!

[marriedinwhite]

DS is nearly 18. Broke his nose this afternoon - rugby pitch job. He's in bits - terribly, terribly upset. It's the end of the world for him. It really isn't that bad and I can't see much difference tbh - apart from the encroaching two black eyes. (checked in a&e and nothing desperate but for a "once the swelling goes down if it looks wonky it can be sorted")

I am having difficulty empathising (wicked mother) and have already said things like "it could have been your back", "it could have been your teeth", "when the swelling goes down it will be dealt with and might be better than before". All of which have hastened sobs and tears and how long will it take to put it right and I am finding it very irritating - of the FGS belt up and act like a man variety.

He is quite a handsome boy but is over-reacting (imo) but it's not like his long term modelling career is over. I'm not really helping am I?

Can you lot help with the right thing to say because I am struggling here and everything I say results in less than manful sobs. His father is rolling his eyes in despair.

I just love that you offered to let him sleep with you, that's sooooo sweet!

Bless his little cottons ... My dd over reacts to every thing ...

Oh god it would be the end of the world if any of my boys broke their noses. DH still demands sympathy for when his was broken 25 years ago! (although that was my fault)

He was probably in pain, embarrassed and wanted his mum. Nothing wrong with that. Hope he's feeling better.

@ financial wizard, yes these sports are great, our other girl still rides too. Dangerous though. Every year I hear of someone fairly local who dies riding or has a very near miss, or broken neck/disabled (usually competitions, or preparing for them).
I know of boys who died playing rugby (went into heavy training too soon after being ill with a virus) or had serious injuries. Last year was a friend's g.daughter, the year before was young son of a riding instructor, year before that someone had a bad fall and horse fell on top of them .... (these were different parts of the country). There's a risk with these types of sports, and being hurt can make you feel vulnerable and unlucky. It can be shattering to be wearing the signs on your face that you're not as tough as you look, on top of feeling like you head is exploding and eyes might drop out (if you have a broken nose). My fall is probably affectedy eyesight, too.

I broke my nose aged 11. (gymnastics incident). I can still remember the awful moment her foot hit my nose. I still remember how much it hurt, and how it went on hurting for weeks.

It still aches now in achey type weather. I have been left with a wonky nose.

It may not look bad to YOU but it isn't your face and your nose! My mum swears blind there is no lasting damage to my nose but I know it is lumpy and I know it aches - not her nose.

So, give the poor kid some TLC and when it gets too much for you then go and do something else for a bit.

I broke my nose and it really hurt. No wonder he is upset. The whole realigning is not making it better for him? Well I am not surprised. It's a painful procedure and some people get their nose rebroken in surgery. It's painful and scary.
The nose is a central piece in our face and honestly, if it's not perfect or looks wonky it does make a huge difference (read perfect as what he is used to).

Let him cry, be upset, don't keep going on about how everything will be ok. Sometimes everyone just needs a hug, a cry and a bit of love.

Any smack in the face, whether it does damage or not, can be very upsetting.

Most of your senses 'live' there, so lots and lots of nerve endings are located there, and the equivalent of a tap on the leg is much more emotionally upsetting if it's in the face - you are very vulnerable there and it can feel very threatening (not talking about DV here, just accidents).

I've belted myself with a cupboard door a couple of times. If it's on the shin, I say Ouch, and it's grand 30 secs later. If it's on the face, I end up in tears.

Go easy on him - he probably doesn't even know why he's so upset and is blaming it on his looks being affected, when it's probably a combination of things.

He has been absolutely fine today. He has gone out with his mates tonight.

He's thinks it's a bit wonky - I can't really see it (he still looks as handsome as ever to me). We are going to review it in three weeks or so and if he wants it to be completely perfect it will be arranged (might even end up with a better nose than he started with).

Thanks for all your advice. I was actually very nice and loving to him but felt he went a bit over the top. It did help to have some of you tell me how painful it was, the doctor in a&e was very matter of fact, and I hadn't factored in the shock factor probably because he was quite cheerful when I got to the match and at the hospital.

marriedinwhite, well done for holding it together yourself! I think we parents go through our own shock when dealing with this kind of thing and sometimes it gets too much and we 'corpse' like actors losing it in a tragedy, especially when on the receiving end of all the bad emotion (when DCs take the trouble to hide it from everyone else.)

I've got 2 rugby players and 2 judo players (one does both). At so many matches/comps we have seen nasty injuries, goes with the territory.

We've had 4 breaks in total the last 3 years, 2 from rugby. They and their dad (also had rugby related broken ankle) seem to think nothing of it, whereas it does worry me but what do you do? They love it.

Ds1 broke his shoulder very badly 5 mins into the first match of the season couple of years ago, my god they go down hard, huge tackle and hard ground. This is a boy who would have hysterics if his XBox time was limited, and I've never seen anything so stoic in my life. Only 7 months before he had a badly broken wrist (not rugby) and was the same, had to have it manipulated back into position to try to avoid staying in for an op, he was amazing. No logic to teenagers.

Now ds2 has moved to the full contact game, he's only 12 and he's little compared to most of them.

Hope your ds is feeling better soon.

It's his face, of course he is upset!

My teens are 16 and 14 my 14 year old is in his schools rugby team and is they're best player and a really tall and really well built lad for his age but my stomach is still always in knots in case he gets really hurt so YABVU!

He's your son and that must have been agony if it was one of my sons they'd be having to tell me I'll be okay Mum please don't cry as I'd be in such a state.

And I would never say man up awful term to use.