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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mothers of teenagers - HELP!!

62 replies

marriedinwhite · 12/10/2012 23:08

DS is nearly 18. Broke his nose this afternoon - rugby pitch job. He's in bits - terribly, terribly upset. It's the end of the world for him. It really isn't that bad and I can't see much difference tbh - apart from the encroaching two black eyes. (checked in a&e and nothing desperate but for a "once the swelling goes down if it looks wonky it can be sorted")

I am having difficulty empathising (wicked mother) and have already said things like "it could have been your back", "it could have been your teeth", "when the swelling goes down it will be dealt with and might be better than before". All of which have hastened sobs and tears and how long will it take to put it right and I am finding it very irritating - of the FGS belt up and act like a man variety.

He is quite a handsome boy but is over-reacting (imo) but it's not like his long term modelling career is over. I'm not really helping am I?

Can you lot help with the right thing to say because I am struggling here and everything I say results in less than manful sobs. His father is rolling his eyes in despair.

OP posts:
threesocksmorgan · 12/10/2012 23:27

SirBoobAlot you played rugby !!!
Noddy I have a 20 year old, so not picking a fight, just saying how I feel

lashingsofbingeinghere · 12/10/2012 23:28

Stop trying to make it better. Just be sympathetic - ie how unlucky, must have been a shock, really painful. Let him tell you if he needs anything. Less is more here.

usualsuspect3 · 12/10/2012 23:28

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Faxthatpam · 12/10/2012 23:28

Don't tell him man up. Ask if there is a particular reason for being so upset - a girl he likes? There may well be something he's not telling you. He will calm down when he's slept on it I expect, meanwhile sympathetic cooing will have to do. Good luck.

Tuttutitlookslikerain · 12/10/2012 23:29

I've got a very nearly 18 yo, and I find that lots of things please him, actually Noddy!

Marshy · 12/10/2012 23:29

I'd give TLC and paracetamol, plus lots of reassurance that it will be fine, but if it's not, you'll help him get it sorted. He shouldn't really have to man up with you, IMO

usualsuspect3 · 12/10/2012 23:31

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
marriedinwhite · 12/10/2012 23:31

He's had a cuddle. It's just a bit difficult when your 6'2" thug is dripping tears on you and looks as handsome as ever to his mum Even if it ends up wonky, it'll be put right - even the doc in a&e said "this is minor for a rugby injury". Pragmatism and the man beyond the image and all that.

OP posts:
threesocksmorgan · 12/10/2012 23:33

marriedinwhite I know.
mine has just been poorly.
but I just remember him as a toddler. it does help.

usualsuspect3 · 12/10/2012 23:33

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redwhiteandblueeyedsusan · 12/10/2012 23:34

ah, poor love. it is a big shock, the adrenaline will be weairng off and he will be in post adenaline slump and all tearful. tea and sympathy is what is required now.

thebody · 12/10/2012 23:35

Gosh, so if it were you with a broken nose would you 'man up'???

I had 2 teen boys and have 2 teen girls, one if which was very badly injured this year in a fatal crash, I can't understand your attitude to be honest op, a broken nose is fukin painful, maybe a hug???

Wow just wow!!!

usualsuspect3 · 12/10/2012 23:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan · 12/10/2012 23:35

and so what if it is not a lot in you opinion. if it matters to him, it should matter to you.

threesocksmorgan · 12/10/2012 23:37

mine is over 6 ft, tatts and piercings.
he still gets TLC and hugs when needed.

Tuttutitlookslikerain · 12/10/2012 23:37

My DS2 is 6ft3 and still like to have a cuddle. I just think of him as younger than he actualy is.

Hopefully once your DShas slept, he might feel a bit more upbeat, Married.

RubyFakeNails · 12/10/2012 23:38

You know at that age I still think they need to be, at times, treated like mummy's little soldier.

DS had a suspected broken nose, not too long ago, I had to spend hours on about 'my poor baby' and pampering him.

They just need attention and the acknowledgement that not one single person in the entire history of the universe has ever suffered as much as they are at that moment.

QuickLookBusy · 12/10/2012 23:38

I have an 18 and 21 year old. I'd definitely be giving lots of sympathy, cuddles and chocolate.

I think he's probably in shock. A rugby clash, a visit to A&E and a broken nose is quite a lot for anyone. I'm sure he'll be brave infront of all his friends tomorrow but tonight he just needs to let it all out.

Marshy · 12/10/2012 23:38

He's 17, not a man. He'll get over it more quickly if you drop the man up approach

Original poster
marriedinwhite · 12/10/2012 23:48

He's been offered hot choc and two paracetamol and said yes. On my way up to minister. Haven't not been ministering or huigging or sympathising. Just finding it a. Bit hard to deal with the utter devastation of it when it can all be put right and and it doesn't look that bad to me at least

OP posts:
HappyTurquoise · 12/10/2012 23:57

I broke my nose (on some stone steps; I had my hands stuck in jacket pockets...as SirBoobaLot says, it was in slow motion and I could choose between my eyes, my teeth, my cheek bone or my nose to hit the hard edge of the looming step. Thankfully I didn't consider that bits of my nose bone could have got embedded in my brain and killed me.) I did go back and get it realigned, but I can still feel it isn't 'right' decades later.

Quite honestly, rugby is a dangerous sport, as you said yourself married, it could have been his neck! Perhaps what your son is really trying to say is that he just doesn't want to do it anymore. That's how my DD first started to show signs of not wanting to ride horses anymore. We had heard of a few deaths, and she didn't have the words to say 'look, this is fun and all that, and I love My Little Pony, but it really isn't worth breaking my neck over'. She just cried a lot. (She plays rugby now, mind!)

Marshy · 12/10/2012 23:58

Pretty normal teen reaction, I would say. He'll get over it. In the meanwhile, TLC and stay calm. He's a 6'2" toddler really, at the moment at least!

CaliforniaLeaving · 13/10/2012 02:11

Give him a hug and tell him he'll be fine, Chicks do dig scars.
Then go off alone and try not to laugh too hard so he hears you.
Teen boys are so funny, one minute they are all manly and brave, then they are crying on your shoulder and feeling unsafe and worried.
I have two man/boys one 18 and one is 24.
18 year old tells girls he got the scar by his eye in a knife fight Grin idiot! He had surgery for a lump not exciting at all.

financialwizard · 13/10/2012 09:06

Bless him.

I'm not sure what I would do either. A broken nose must be really really painful though. Poor sod.

I would think a bit of tea and sympathy today and he'll probably be less sore and emotional tomorrow.

HappyTurquoise I have been riding 30 years and never known anyone to be killed horse riding. Very unfortunate that it spooked your daughter because it is a great sport, and one that I have only had the misfortune to break a few toes and my collar bone in, and I used to go hunting/cross country/show jump/etc.

SugariceAndScary · 13/10/2012 09:09

Bless him, he was probably in shock!

Hope he's feeling better this morning. Smile