One of oldest (but probably not really 'best' any more) friends has just had her DS2.
Her DS1 was by emergency CS because of undiagnosed breach presentation, about 9 months after my DD1 (51 hours of labour and forceps 'carnage'). She was very upset at the time, and I was sympathetic.
Even when she said how "unfair" it was that I hadn't had a CS even though she was "clearly better at labour" that I was, and how I "couldn't hack the pain" and she could. (I was in the midst of PND at the time so this wasn't very helpful.) She was also disappointed because she had wanted a girl, and a bit pissed off that I had a daughter and she a son.
Then she was pissed off because I had a second DD two years later, and it took her about 6 months longer than she wanted to get pg a second time...
This time, she's been going on and on about how she really wanted a VBAC and really wanted a girl, and that the worst thing ever would be to have "another bloody boy and another bloddy CS". I can understand not wanting another CS, not so much the boy/girl thing.
She went four days overdue and was on the phone every day really angry that things weren't going according to her plan. She did go into labour naturally, but after 12 hours or so of painful labour and an epidural, things stopped progressing and she ended up with the section she was so desperate to avoid.
Naturally it was also another boy.
I spoke to her about 24 hours later, all she could do was complain about having another "bloody boy" and that she could have coped if she's had a boy naturally or a girl by CS but to have both the things she "didn't want" is so awful. etc. And that her labour was the worst ever, that she she knows she's not like me with a "really low pain theshold" because she's done it before, and that it actually WAS really painful. (WTAF?)
I'm a bit gobsmacked by the stuff that's coming out of her mouth, TBH, and don't know how to react.
i know she's disappointed. But she has a healthy, beautiful baby boy, FFS and she hasn't mentioned him once, which is the saddest thing.
I'm both concerned for her mental state but also think she's behaving like a collossal brat, frankly.
And that the constant putting me down isn't really acceptable. I know I had two DDs 'naturally', but it's not like I've sailed through the whole thing... Extended third degree tears, PTSD, PND, haemmorages ? not really stuff worthy of her envy/spite.
This is also to the backdrop of close friends of both of us, who just lost one of their prem twins at 9 weeks old, (delivered at 30 weeks) barely 3 years after they lost their DS1 (born at 26 weeks) at 5 weeks old. They'd gve their eye teeth to have tow healthy, full term baby boys.
I want to feel sympathy for her ? the friend with the two DSs ? but finding it very hard...
AIBU?
How would you handle it?
db
xx