To never want to fly. Ever.

[BoyMeetsWorld]

So I'm terrified of aeroplane flying (& helicopters etc I should think though the situation never arises!!!)

I USED to fly...a lot. But as I've got older & thought through the logistics of it more I've become increasingly terrified. I spend days before a flight feeling physically sick and having panic attacks. On the flight itself I tend to shake & cry for the first half hour then
spend the rest of it trying to distract myself whilst my heart stops at every single sound or movement, I watch the air hostesses faces every second & I pray frantically (I'm not even religious). Each time I swear if we just make it down alive I'll never fly again. And each time I have to I feel I'm pushing my luck.

Before DH & I married he knew I hated flying but we have done 3 times: once to go abroad with my DS. This scared me more than ever having him on the plane too as the idea of him being in a plane crash makes me even more terrified than for myself. I had to repeatedly go to the loo as I was becoming hysterical & couldn't do so around DS. The 2nd time we had to fly as my dad was abroad with a few days to live. The final time was my honeymoon & I really felt I had no option.

DH uses the fact that I've flown in the past including these 3 times with him to argue I can do it & should just get on with it. For the past 2 years he's accepted that we go on holidays in Europe that we can drive/coach etc to or cruises in the future. But last night we had a blazing row when I said I really didn't want to fly again except in emergency. He started listing all the countries we couldn't visit (& loads of them were seriously long haul, prob out of our price range anyway)

AIBU? I appreciate it prob is selfish but honestly nothing in the world terrifies me more except something happening to DS. If our kids wanted to go abroad when older I would let DH take them, or they'll have school trips etc. I'm scared DH may even leave over this one day in the future and as we're currently TTC that situation doesn't bear thinking about...

Hi op, I can totally understand your plight.

I have posted this before but just as info, my dd was badly injured in the fatal school coach crash in feb, it crashed in France returning from a school ski trip.

My dd refused to travel on a coach or even go on a motorway for a long time, she has had REM treatment and its fantastic.she has been on a coach since but cannot face the motorway yet in the dark..

However I too now have developed a total panic fear of many things including the motorway etc BUT I am having treatment too as I WILL NOT let this fear stop me from living a normal life.

Sure you don't have to fly but its not fair that your fear is curtailing your husbands desire to fly and you don't want to pass these fears onto your children.

Please please get help it works honestly... And be kind to yourself, it's vile but you can overcome this.

I am flying tomorrow. The stress and anxiety of it has made me I'll. can't sleep, constant migraines, hair shedding more than usual. Egging close to tears at anything.
It ruins holidays.
I love the place we are going tomorrow, but much more looking forward to a trip up to the Lake District in th comin months as we won't be flying

Beaver just hugs xx

Thanks for so many perspectives.

It's not that I'm refusing to address the phobia...don't think many people picked up the fact that I said I have tried Valium before & hated it. I was still petrified but my body just didn't show it so I was grinning like a loon but panicking inside...for me it was worse than being able to let it out though if I HAD to fly with DCs I guess at least it would prevent them seeing how I felt.

Speaking of which...if flying was necessary for an emergency, yes I would. It's mainly holidays im referring to although we have the issue that DH is partly French & has property in France so every time we go there we drive instead of fly. His dad also lives abroad & I don't want to fly there...but before everybody jumps on me, it's a country that I would not want to go to & def not take children to, & DHs relationship with his father is complicated to put it mildly so flying is by no means the only reason we don't go. DFIL is welcome to us any time.

I agree with the people who say as a compromise I should at least show wiling to 'get cured'. I had been v skeptical about hypnosis but hearing so many positive stories I think il try it. & maybe the other drug that's been suggested (not Valium).

I'm fully aware of all the stats etc. I think the posters who mentioned becoming more aware of own mortality & DCs, & the one who talked about the fact you'd be aware you were going to die for a fair bit before it happened got it spot on. I know we all die eventually. But if I HAVE to die some way I can emphatically say a plane crash is right up there on my list of worst possible ways to go.

Just looking at a plane in the sky makes me feel sick & I always say a little silent prayer for the people way up there, completely at the mercy of 2 pilots and a computer, & hope they'll come back to earth alive

beaver - more big hugs. You're much braver than me. I will send extra hope to planes in the sky tomorrow...

I'm just like you. Flew all over the world before dc (NZ, Canada, Samoa, Fiji, USA) - but now?? Can't even fly to Aberdeen :( We had a couple of bad flights - just UK ones! - we were hit by lightning once and then had to do an aborted landing - on a different flight - that put the tin lid on it for me.

I'm just scared. That the plane will crash with us all on board. Can't even think about flying without crying/having diarhoea.

Good luck to you whatever you do. We have done UK hols the last few years then France hols.... dh trying to get me to fly but am not sure.

You know what, how incredibly thick you would be to actually NOT be scared of being thousands of feet above the earth, travelling at huge speeds in a plane at the mercy of 2 or 3 people you have never met and don't know in charge of your life.

Why would you not be worried/anxious?

Maybe that's the way to see it, being scared is a normal reaction and not being scared is mental.

Op I also l

Posted too soon.. I also look at planes, trains, coaches and hope the people get there safely, I know that for me it's because of the trauma we had with dd but I also think as we get older we see our mortality, that's why teens get involved in risky behaviour that we grow out of.

Op you are brave to address your fears and good luck to you..

DH is very frightened of flying too. We have flown years ago but it made him worried for at least a day before, and worse on the day of the flight.
We haven't been on a plane for years now. TBH with 3 small children I am not sure I care; we tend to have weeks camping in the UK which the children love anyway (and are also cheap).
I wouldn't make him fly because it would ruin his holiday and I would rather have a happy DH around.

I haven't flown since 1985. My fears grew and grew until I was running down the aisle begging the air hostess for wine ! I hate being 4 miles up in the air:I hate the change in sounds when you're up there; I hate the erratic information from the cabin; I hate the claustrophobic atmosphere; I hate the food.....and I hate the thought of something going wrong without me being able to do anything about it.

I worry about my family when they fly, but I am aware that the risks of an accident are small. However, my absolute fear of being in the situation of falling out of the sky is unsurmountable.

Naturally, we are limited by how far we go on holiday but have been to lots of different place in Europe by train, ship and car. (After retirement we're considering going on a long voyage on a cargo ship to New Zealand!)

Please do something about this.

I spent days in cars as a child being driven to Sapin or Italy, so much easier to spend 1 hour in the air.

But I do get where you are comming from, I've been on ferries in the past, but I have and detest every minute of it, I'm sure it will sink and I don't swim well.

There are courses available for people who are scared of flying, as has already been mentioned.

I also have the fear. I have flown to Canada, Australia, the US, Greece, Spain and N Ireland and I wasn't scared.
My fear then developed after being in a very near miss on a motorway whilst being driven by my dad and is control related. I'm not scared of the flying as such, it's my life being in the hands of someone else. I think I'd be ok if I was the pilot! Instead I sit there (after stressing about it for months and then crying in the airport) listening to every sound, feeling every bump etc. I then spend the whole trip stressing about the flight home :(
We have to go to N Ireland a couple of times a year so that DP's mum can see DS. I really need to get it sorted.

Oh, and we're going there for Christmas so that's Christmas ruined for me!

I hate flying and haven't flown for 20+ years. I'd done plenty of flying in the past (including a summer flying around the US with the dying equivalent of an interrail ticket to train around Europe).

It's notso much the flying that worries me - it's the not flying/falling out of the sky. People keep telling me 'what's the chance of that happening to you, millions to 1. But as I know 10 people that have died in different aircraft accidents (and what's the likelihood of that happening!) I know that it could happen to me and I don't want it to. To be fair I also know one person who survived a plane crash in a light plane but still puts the ratio at 10:1

And as for the courses - every time they are mentioned in the papers my mum sends me the cutting, or rings to say they're on the tv. But I've also had a bad feeling about me and planes. I rarely get bad feelings about things but I've learnt to listen to them. Even thoughthe other day when I heard a small plane's engine cut out above me and realised there was more than one way for bad feelings to be realised! Luckily the plane got it's engine restarted.

I've still managed to travel to plenty of places - Including Greece and turkey, egypt and Libya. seat61.com has great details on how to travel across the world by train. Boats, ferries and cruises are other great ways of getting further afield and enjoying the travelling as well as the destination.

I found that the thought of the return flight could ruin the holiday itself to the point that I'd prefer not to go. I think that your dh is bullying if he thinks just because you've done it before you should do it again and screw your fears and feelings. You've tried flying, you know you hate it with a vengeance. There are plenty of places in the world you can get to without flying so enjoy holidays there. He's just putting his own feelings and wants over yours by insisting you fly - what would he say if you said that you would prefer not to go on holiday than fly on holiday? Or what would you say to him going long distance by himself?

Yanbu To feel like this but your dh is very unreasonable in his reactions; is he overbearing about his wishes over yours in other aspects of life as well?

My parents did the Virgin Flying without Fear course which helped my Dad no end. They also gave him a relaxation tape and for a while it was available on the in flight entertainment (not sure if they still do it)

A fear of flying course can't resolve the problem that a plane travels 7 miles above the ground with nothing but fresh air in between!

given my name it may surprise people to know I HATE FLYING. Did it lots, no problems, then I don't know. It really annoys me when people say I have to get over it. NO I FUCKING DON'T ! Its not crashing - its just being high up. I hate glass lifts, not happy last week when DP parked on the roof I thought I was going to puke. It doesn't stop me having great holidays though. We also did Europe by car as a child, it was fantastic.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. You can easily travel these days without getting into a plane. There's no point in ruining your holiday worrying about the journey.

It's slightly different but when I went travelling I learnt to scuba dive. Didn't really enjoy it - could barely sleep the night before the dive. It took me a while (and the cost of 30 or so dives) to realise that it wasn't worth the hassle.

hello I feel your pain, I am scared of flying although it never used to bother me, I got a lot worse after some bad turbulance on a flight back from America. The plane suddenly dropped and I literally left my seat for several seconds

However I refuse to let fear dictate to me what I can or can't do!!! I flew this summer to Menorca for a weeks holiday and it was surprisingly o.kay. It helped having dd with me as she was a good distraction!!

I think the key is to take control over your thoughts not the other way round (your thoughts controlling you) as soon as you start to feel anxious think about something else, tell yourself that its not fear you're feeling but excitement.

By avoiding flying you are just feeding this fear which is irrational. Read 'feel the fear and do it anyway'

I am not surprised your dh is pissed off, yabu sorry.