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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bring something in for Harvest Festival or detention

92 replies

Chopstheduck · 10/10/2012 15:55

Is this teacher being reasonable? Please tell me before I fire off a very cross email to the school. Dd's class were told this today - half haven't donated.

We don't usually bother, because I'm not christian, I don't celebrate harvest festival and I prefer to donate food and cash where and how I want to rather than be coerced into donations.

OP posts:

QuenelleIsOrangeAndGoldForNow · 10/10/2012 17:16

Yes, what next? Detention for not putting 20p in the Children In Need bucket?

If you're sure your daughter has got it right you should definitely email the school. Threatening 8 year olds with detention for not making a charitable donation is disgraceful. The cost and the cause are irrelevant.

TiggyD · 10/10/2012 17:21

I wonder if it will ever turn out the the famous Samaritan from the Holly Bibble only helped the man in need because he was forced to? Generosity when forced isn't generosity. It's giving in to threats.

What's the name of this terribly unchristian school?

WereTricksPotter · 10/10/2012 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eggsandwich · 10/10/2012 17:31

Do what my dd did, all 30 children in her class took in a tin of baked beans, the teacher was really pissed off!

Himalaya · 10/10/2012 17:37

They are being unreasonable.

I would send an email - serious, but not too cross, just in case it was a joke [Hmm] or misunderstanding or something.

YANBU by not donating

Donating cans of food has got to be one of the most inefficient ways to support people who need help.

The can cost you 30p, but wholesale would cost 20p - so just by going out and buying it you've knocked 10p off the value of your donation. Then your kids have to take it into school where somebody collects it, takes it to the sorting station etc... (all that volunteer time and petrol has got to be worth another 10p). So now the net value of the donation is only 10p. Then they give it to somebody who may or may not want it - because they are rich older people who feel patronised by the whole thing, or maybe it is someone who doesn't like beans or whatever.

I do think the whole thing is a pious sham and doesn't teach kids anything useful at all about charity.

Original poster

Chopstheduck · 10/10/2012 17:37

dd wants to take the dog food now!

OP posts:

Himalaya · 10/10/2012 17:38

...does that not work with a capital letter?

Original poster

Chopstheduck · 10/10/2012 17:40

The can cost you 30p, but wholesale would cost 20p...

it's a good point - the funny thing is when I DO donate, I normally do actually buy food wholesale to, and deliver it to where it will be cooked and so cut out half of those costs!

I do think the whole thing is a pious sham

def feels this is the case in the junior school unfortunately.

OP posts:

TheLazyGirl · 10/10/2012 18:04

Not a Christian myself, but I use Harvest Festival to clear my cupboards out of illadvised buys from the supermarket.

Teacher being a tit saying that!

pumpkinsweetie · 10/10/2012 18:09

Detention, ive heard it all now!!!
The teacher is BVU!
Donations are voluntary, not compulsory!
I always give a few tins&or/packets & maybe a bottle of wine in but if my child was threatened with detention if hadn't gave a donation i wouldn't be impressed. Infact i'd be livid

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan · 10/10/2012 18:11

school are being unreasonable.

EmmelineGoulden · 10/10/2012 18:31

The teacher is definitely being unreasonable - and very unprofessional. Threatening detention for failing to donate is a terrible example to set to children. No wonder there is such a failure in ethical fundraising on our streets.

I find the way schools approach charity is mainly a huge sham. Non-unifrom days, pointless sponsored events and coerced or compulsory "volunteering". It does nothing to instill an understanding of charity or of social need. It fails to address the philosphical questions around charity. And it adds little value to the charities while basically taking from the pockets of parents who are struggling with the costs of raising children as it is.

Work places don't do much of this type of stuff because when you're dealing with people who don't have to do it - they won't.

I wish the charity focus was more about talking about what charity consists of in our country, how charities work and what support they provide. Getting children to research charities and put together a pitch for a charity they find compelling. And giving the oppotunity to engage through activities that actually add some value - small money making enterprises, the old scout bob-a-job style events, putting on a play, car washes etc. as well as proper volunteer opportunities.

All this "get your mum to send in x, y, or z" is a rubbish way to try and develop a charitable midset.

[end rant emoticon]

MadamFolly · 10/10/2012 18:34

I would very much dig my heels in and send a narky email to the school.

LonelyCloud · 10/10/2012 18:41

It's unreasonable for a teacher to threaten pupils with detention if they can't or won't donate something.

YANBU to complain about that.

Personally I'd have sent in some food in the first place - even if it was a 9p can of beans, or an unwanted item from our cupboards - but the detention threat would really annoy me.

allthefun · 10/10/2012 18:47

Yep could be patronising.

Fed up with the lack of any appreciation for food other than in lets all eat nice food. Saw all the combines stuck the floods a few weeks back and felt for the farmers. They might be insured but that's a loads of months work ruined.

Quadrangle · 10/10/2012 18:57

My jaw dropped when i saw the thread title. Perhaps do send an email, but definitely to ask what was said, rather than go in all guns blazing. Just in case your dd was exaggerating a bit.

therewearethen · 10/10/2012 18:57

Was it maybe said along the lines of "it's harvest, we'd like you to bring a donation in, e.g a tin of beans for example and if you don't I'll have to give you detention ha ha/lol/only joking" and maybe ur dd didn't 'get the joke' perhaps?

I'd maybe mention it to the teacher in the morn (ask other parents if their kids said similar) and see what he/she says about it.

I have to admit I'm as stubborn as you OP and that would wind me up a treat! Dog food made me

pointyfangs · 10/10/2012 19:05

I would also be digging my heels in. And then if detention was forthcoming, I'd be there, providing my DC with some seriously unsuitable reading matter. And then I'd stay myself, ostentatiously reading a bonkbuster with a very lurid cover.

I'm all in favour of donating to charity, but not under duress.

babybythesea · 10/10/2012 19:20

I actually think the principle is all wrong - bring food in or have a detention.

For us, it would be a massive deal - we just couldn't do it this month.
We are already over-drawn on our bank accounts, after a couple of extra bills we hadn't foreseen (why do boilers and cars both break when you don't have any money?).
We are borrowing money from family to get us through the next couple of weeks or I won't be able to go food shopping, and with little in the house, I have got to go soon. I'm lucky - I've done a heap of extra time this month so the next pay packet will help us pay people back and hopefully mean that next month will be easier (and of course, it being term time means we get some free child care - dd isn't at school yet but does qualify for the 15 hours free care).
In these circumstances, an extra tin would be a huge issue and I would be really upset if DD got a detention because she didn't bring one in.

Mrsjay · 10/10/2012 19:25

Did the teacher actual say detention ? i think she was U if she did but also I think YABU it is a tin or a packet of pasta it is a school event you could donate a tin couldn't you , and they do go to good causes you sound a teeny bit patronising tbh

babybythesea · 10/10/2012 19:37

Mrsjay - it's fine if you can afford it. What if you can't? Here, have a detention because your family are struggling to buy food as it is for this month and genuinely can't spare a tin (or they can, but someone isn't eating for a night if they do). For some of us, life is that tight at the moment.
OP might not be in that situation but there might be a child in the class who is.

YouMayLogOut · 10/10/2012 20:15

YANBU to think the detention was U.

However I'm sad to think you wouldn't want to contribute a tin. It's not about whether it's a Christian event, it's something the children can do collectively to make a difference to others.

Original poster

Chopstheduck · 10/10/2012 21:03

Therewearethen, I did wonder the same, but dd is sure it was a serious threat.

I sent an email - along the lines of asking them if there has not been a mistake, and was this really what happened and if so I think it is appalling, etc.

Will keep you all updated

OP posts:

PropositionJoe · 11/10/2012 08:35

Thanks chops

(but you can't start a thread in aibu and then say "it's not about whether iabu" we are easily confused you know)

sashh · 11/10/2012 10:46

Dog food or

grandgrand.bigcartel.com/product/1bad-emergency-canned-underpants-grand-pants-green

With a note that you would have sent food, but you don't like bullying.

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