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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bring something in for Harvest Festival or detention

92 replies

Chopstheduck · 10/10/2012 15:55

Is this teacher being reasonable? Please tell me before I fire off a very cross email to the school. Dd's class were told this today - half haven't donated.

We don't usually bother, because I'm not christian, I don't celebrate harvest festival and I prefer to donate food and cash where and how I want to rather than be coerced into donations.

OP posts:
soverylucky · 10/10/2012 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElectricMonk · 10/10/2012 16:21

I agree that the teacher is being ridiculous, if your daughter has the correct end of the stick, and it does warrant a "perplexed" e-mail.

However, I have a few problems with the rest of your stance:
A) As others have said, you could get something for under 30p so it's not an unreasonable request;
B) Harvest is important, irrespective of religion, and the school festival is one of very few opportunities for young people to learn about it now that focus has shifted away from agriculture in our society;
C) You're not supporting harvest or Christianity by donating the food - you're supporting people who are struggling at present to support themselves;
D) Unless you would be prepared to make your daughter feel uncomfortable at school by limiting her participation in Christmas and Easter assemblies too (not that I would support that), your reasoning for not wanting her to take part in the harvest donation project seems a little arbitrary.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 10/10/2012 16:22

allthefun - I am pretty sure that making an offering of cans of beans for harvest festival is not going to appease the wrath of the fertility god and bring a good harvest next year! Wink

I think YANBU. If you/your DD doesn't believe in doing this, it shouldn't be done. Lots of schools make harvest festival extremely Christian, others don't. She shouldn't have to participate if she doesn't want to.

I also think it's good if you speak up, because I bet you parents who are very hard up feel embarrassed about yet another thing to say no to. That makes me cross.

UnChartered · 10/10/2012 16:26

the teacher is BU for threatening detention (if that's right Wink )

but DDs school is having a harvest festival assembly tomorrow - donations are going to the town food bank Sad

Original poster
Chopstheduck · 10/10/2012 16:34

for the posters who said dd might feel uncomfortable, this is year 8 - half the class haven't brought anything in! I really don't think that in itself in an issue.

Being an utter shitstirrer, could you send something like dog food - because their pets will need food as well won't they miss? - I am sooo tempted now! I'm sure shops sell basics dog food too don't they? Grin

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SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/10/2012 16:35

I would send in a polite email to the teacher reminding her that donations are voluntary, and that your dd will not be taking in anything to the school (because you donate food in other ways), and that your dd will not be doing a detention as a result of this.

Sirzy · 10/10/2012 16:38

They shouldn't me making such threats but seriously what harm does sending one cheap can of food do?

Unless you are in a position of having no money to feed your family then I would send something in even if it's a tin of 9p beans

PropositionJoe · 10/10/2012 16:38

Even if your DD has no money she could forego her (eg) baked beans with her dinner tonight and take a tin in. I think youre being bloody minded tbh.

flyoverthegoldenhill · 10/10/2012 16:41

2 different schools I knew, one passed the food onto pensioners who did not need it. The other passed it on to a charity for which is was unsuitable.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 10/10/2012 16:41

Harvest festival ain't christian is a good old pagan festival celebrating the bounty of mother earth and the autumn equinox.

Sirzy · 10/10/2012 16:43

The sad thing is more and more families are now reliant on food banks to feed their families, things like school harvest festivals - especially secondary age - are a good opportunity to make children realise this and do a small bit to help.

Ephiny · 10/10/2012 16:44

The Christian/pagan thing wouldn't bother me. Using the threat of punishment to coerce charity donations...that would.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 10/10/2012 16:44

Aren't pretty much all Christian festivals pagan if you go back far enough?

Rule of thumb: if it involves Bible readings, prayer, and teaching children Jesus wants them to donate, it's not pagan. OTOH if they're going to worship the earth mother goddess, fair enough, it's pagan.

McHappyPants2012 · 10/10/2012 16:44

Yanbu, however I would challenge the library fines as under 16 are normally except from fines from the library

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 10/10/2012 16:47

The teacher is very much in the wrong here. It is to up to her, or the school, to decide what children or parents spend their money on. Even 9p of it.

Email the teacher and say that as you have already made a donation to the food bank tis month that you will not be supporting the schools harvest festival and that you trust that your daughter will not be given a detention because of a decision made by her parents to donate food differently, and the decision to make her pay her debts before anything else.

mrtinkles · 10/10/2012 16:49

It is wrong for the school to threaten detention. The poster who said that some of these families may be in receipt of charity themselves and cannot afford to spare anything is right.

Some of these kids may not even ask at home because they know what the answer will be. The impoverished kids will feel bad, like on non uniform day.

Some schools make too many assumptions.

TiggyD · 10/10/2012 16:50

Christians holding children against their will because the parents didn't give them stuff. Can't say I'm surprised.

Original poster
Chopstheduck · 10/10/2012 16:53

'Harvest festival ain't christian is a good old pagan festival celebrating the bounty of mother earth and the autumn equinox'.

I realise that, but harvest festival in british culture today I believe is more based upon Lammas, a Latin church based festival.

In the dt's school, it is extremely religious, the local priest comes down etc. and they deliver it to all the local elderly (even though most of them are seriously wealthy in any case!) .I guess they want to teach the children about the principle of charity rather than being concerned with actually help the needy. By picking locals, the children get to hand deliver their goods. I'd rather go with the children to give the food to people that actually are going hungry!

But really a tin of beans isn't a big deal, I agreed I was probably being unreasonable not donating, but I didn't start the thread to ask if I was being unreasonable.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/10/2012 16:54

Ephiny has said what I think - that the problem isn't the fact of asking for Harvest Festival donations, it's attempting to compel them with the threat of detention. That alone would be enough to make me dig my heels in and refuse to donate a single bean (though I would donate some other way - I'd be making a point to the school, not the charities).

Original poster
Chopstheduck · 10/10/2012 16:56

however I would challenge the library fines as under 16 are normally except from fines from the library

  • only applies to childrens books at our library. dd has been reading Young Adult and Teen fiction which the school classifies as adult for the purposes of fines :(
OP posts:
Anonymumous · 10/10/2012 17:01

Personally I don't like the idea of donating tins to a food bank, but I still gave my children some tins to take into school. I want them to think about where their food comes from, to think about how lucky they are compared to millions of others around the world, and to be grateful for it (whether that's to God, fate or no-one in particular). For me, that's the principle at stake - I wouldn't seek to challenge the school or question their authority for such a little thing. It's like toddlers - battling over every little issue will just drive you insane and eventually no-one will take you seriously anyway!

Sirzy · 10/10/2012 17:06

Do your children go to a faith school?

meditrina · 10/10/2012 17:06

It's totally and utterly wrong to demand donations and impose sanctions for non-compliance irrespective of the reason for having the collection. YANBU to complain about the principle of coercion.

But I wouldn't be getting my knickers in a twist about it being for Harvest Festival, any more than I would about Christmas, Easter, Guy Fawkes, Diwali, Valentines, World Water Day, Mothering Sunday, Remembrance Day and all the many other events which our school does something about.

ENormaSnob · 10/10/2012 17:09

Yanbu

The cost is irrelevant.

I am Shock that school think this is acceptable tbh.

What's next? Detention and lines for not paying the voluntary contribution to the school trip. Similar for not attending the school fair.

Original poster
Chopstheduck · 10/10/2012 17:14

yep, sirzy, the dts do - unfortunately we have no choice in that.

DD doesn't.

I'm not really getting my knickers in a twist over it being Christian, I was just trying to explain didn't feel compelled to donate to it on that basis, and it wasn't really something I felt I wanted to participate in.
I think the hypocrisy gets me a bit in the juniors school. surely it should be the christian thing to give to the actual needy? And i want to help the needy, not the rich old folk who will smile nicely at the children and look good in the local rag.

But this thread isn't about my reasonableness or not reasonableness! Whatever my feelings, I am unreasonable to be pigheaded over a tin of beans. But htat was UNTIL the teacher threatened detention.

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