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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask DH NOT to take a piss in the morning

153 replies

BurntToastSmell · 09/10/2012 20:22

Details:

  • we live in a tiny 2 bedroom flat (DH shows no interest in leaving it despite my pleading).
  • I've got a 2yr old DD & 9 mth old DS.
  • DH leaves early for work in the morning. The bathroom is right next to the kids' bedroom. When he has his morning piss he manages to wake me (I'm not bothered about this) and wake the kids (I am bothered about this).
  • I'm at home all day alone with the kids, and I'm not being precious when I say, it is physically exhausting. I'm on pills for anxiety and depression and often find it difficult to cope.
  • When DH doesn't get up early for work, the kids sleep for at least another 2 hours. This definitely helps me to cope better with the rest of the day.

I reached the conclusion that it must be DH having a piss before work that wakes the kids up. So I suggested to him that he not piss before leaving for work (anytime up till 5am is fine). And he completely blew up at me. He got very angry.

I didn't think I was being overly unreasonable with my suggestion, as I've been preventing myself from pissing after 5am for months now. (Yup, it can be uncomfortable at times - but getting up at that hour and having the kids all day on your own is even "more^ uncomfortable).

AIBU?

OP posts:
Tailtwister · 09/10/2012 21:21

Is it the peeing or the flushing that wakes the children? He could pee but not flush? YABU if you expect him to leave the house before emptying his bladder though.

MrsCarriePooter · 09/10/2012 21:28

The second page of this has me giggling out loud like a loon. Climbing out of the window... wee baffle...

I know it's frustrating when the children get woken by early morning noise - but you can't stop him weeing, you really can't.

taxiforme · 09/10/2012 21:29

MY DH does sitty down wees.

I didnt realise this when I first met him, obvs.
When I found out, I was a bit Hmm but he explained that he had three young kids and his ExW was a bit Angry when wee noise woke them up - so they had the kind of convo you are having now. He has got so used to it he cant do any other sort of wee.

His kids are now 17 15 and 12.

I still feel a bit Hmm about the sitty down wee thing, it has scarred me for life. His kids are fine though.

Shutupanddrive · 09/10/2012 21:29

Your poor DH!!
He has to leave the house through the window and now u don't want him to pee!
YANVVU!!
Do you tiptoe around when the dc's are asleep? They need to get used to noise. Mine slept through the fire alarm and ds2 slept through a firework display in his pushchair

happierhigherstrongerwheezing · 09/10/2012 21:35

All of you have forgotten the real problem is the children waking .

Get them ear mufflers or ear plugs

Happy husband can piss to his heart's content.

pictish · 09/10/2012 21:35

He just needs to put loo roll down first. That's easy.
Oh and he also needs to use the door ffs - although you will laugh about this when your dc are older. Grin

rogersmellyonthetelly · 09/10/2012 21:36

Yabu to ask him not to piss, Yanbu to ask him to try to find a way to relieve himself without waking the entire household. Dh leaves for work at 5.30, dd is such a light sleeper that even the sound of her bedroom door opening on the carpet will wake her up, at first he woke her up every single sodding morning until I was at the point of strangling him, now, 5 months on he manages to get up, dressed, turn the burglar alarm off and get his coffee and breakfast without waking anyone.
He wees sitting down with loo paper in the bottom to muffle the noise, no flushing. He then goes downstairs, gets dressed in the kitchen with the door shut, washes his face in the kitchen sink, gets a coffee and some breakfast (towel on work surface to muffle noise of clanking pots) and goes to work. All of the kitchen cupboards have felt pads next to the catches so they cant bang shut, same for the drawers. Kettle is a super quiet one. Probably the loudest noise is the spoon stirring the coffee!

Original poster
BurntToastSmell · 09/10/2012 21:44

towel on work surface - genius!

OP posts:
degutastic · 09/10/2012 21:47

Wow insane.

Did anyone else read the ladybird "Five Little Kittens" book when they were young / to their kids? The one where mummy cat goes into town (having been asked for many things by the kittens) and some bizarre series of events unfolds, involving kittens climbing through windows and being told off by the local policecat? All I can hear is that policecat's voice in my head "Honest folk go through the door!"

Sorry, random thread diversion...

Flisspaps · 09/10/2012 21:53

Are you sure it's him pissing that's waking them up, and not just the sound of him pottering about getting dressed and stuff?

SpudtheScarecrow · 09/10/2012 21:55

I had that book, degutastic, my DM recently got it down from the loft for the DCs. It's ace.

Sorry, OP for the diversion, I think you are being a teeny bit U but I completely understand why. I second sitting down. I really don't fully understand why men have to wee standing up, just so much potential for mess, with my DSs anyway.

austenozzy · 09/10/2012 22:01

(I'm a bloke) If I get up in the night and stagger to the toilet for a wee, I sit down and do it, as I don't turn on any lights (wakes baby, wife and me more than it needs to), there's no noise, plus it's easier when you've only got one eye semi-open and are in zombie mode. As the thick one in The Inbetweeners said, "it's like giving yourself a little treat!"

MainlyMaynie · 09/10/2012 22:08

You need to move. I'd be pissed off at everyone being woken every morning, but you can't ask DH not to go! 4 people in a 2 bedroom flat must cause you a lot of stress generally though.

Kewcumber · 09/10/2012 22:13

I'd go with the pee-ing in the kitchen sink solution myself...

RillaBlythe · 09/10/2012 22:23

I had an ex who peed sitting down, always.

Actually OP you have reminded me that in our old flat (bathroom next to DD's bedroom, paper thin wall) DP would pee in the kitchen sink after she was in bed.

Kewcumber · 09/10/2012 22:35

DS pees sitting down. But he is 7 and too short for the kitchen sink.

thetrackisback · 09/10/2012 22:35

I am really enjoying this thread!!! I am peeing myself (very quietly op)! I do see your point though! My husband does what I would describe as dad wee's. they go on for hours and are are like having the bloody niagra falls in your bedroom. You are not being unreasonable!! (Well you are but got such a laugh about your husband crawling out of the window I've decided to be kind!!)

CaurnieBred · 09/10/2012 22:38

Could you try getting a white noise player for the kids bedroom? We found that in the summer, when DD had the fan on in her room, that she would tend to sleep for longer as the white noise drowned out any other movement noises

HiHowAreYou · 09/10/2012 22:38

Last night DH had a drink and had to get up twice in the night for the toilet.
Both times he woke up DD and myself with his clattering through rooms, switching the light on and off, and a noisy wee.
The second time, about four, DD decided she wanted to try to have a nice chat about bonfire night and she didn't get back to sleep for ages, so, neither did I.

So, I think your DH should hold his bloody wee in and shut up moaning about it.
But I may be biased. :)

ouryve · 09/10/2012 22:43

Not weeing is horrid and not good for his kidneys. Peeing sitting down, however, thunders a lot less than standing up.

differentnameforthis · 09/10/2012 22:52

Our only bathroom in our old house was an en suite in dds room (the room was way too small for us) and we managed to go tom the toilet without waking her.

Perhaps they wake because they aren't used to noise. Both our girls have slept through me hoovering their rooms.

FatLadyAboutToSing · 09/10/2012 23:00

Well I bet you won't be needing those anti-depressants in the morning, OP, after all these lovely supportive posts I mean, especially the last one . Great solidarity ladies (apologies to those who have made positive suggestions). Especially Anon for telling someone who is suffering anxiety and depression that they are insane ffs. What an unfortunate, ill-advised word to use to someone in the circumstances. Think it through Anon.

For all we know the flat could have paper walls. In fact it doesn't need to have. We used to be able to hear a colleague pissing inside a loo with the width of a corridor in-between.

I'm sorry you're having such a bad time OP. If your partner understands how tough things are for you, although it's quite an ask, he will oblige and take the steps not to wake the children up. (Buckets, muffling, etc.)

It will get easier, I promise. Do what you need to do to get by.

Viviennemary · 09/10/2012 23:02

You are being totally ridiculous. Never mind unreasonable.

FatLadyAboutToSing · 09/10/2012 23:02

Sorry different didn't mean you. Seems it took me ages to write post.

ceeveebee · 09/10/2012 23:06

You could sound insulate the nursery? Maybe build false walls around the whole room, or pad the walls with cotton wool?

Or alternatively you could get a grip

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