domestic finances, what's fair

[dazedandinfused]

Since going back to part time after maternity leave my net salary is less than half DH's. We both have savings. He has about 50% more than me. I'm using my savings to subsidise working part time while ds is a toddler.

Dh of the opinion that I should pay 50% of everything. He thinks I'm being grasping and manipulative is I suggest we split a bill in a ratio that reflects our income levels.

I think he thinks that because I could use savings to pay 50% of all bills then I should.

We don't split housework or childcare 50:50.

Aibu to feel pissed off about this?

I'm going to take the minority view here and say that separate finances make sense if your DP has a completely different attitude to money to you (for practical reasons I can't imagine managing without a joint account for bills, and our contributions into it are in proportion to our relative salaries).

Also, however wonderful your relationship I can't think it's a bad idea to have your own savings account. If the worst came to the worst, at least you'd have a little money of your own, and it is motivating to see money you earned directly building up.

In addition, the self-employed really should not be paying earnings into a joint bank account -- it could cause all sorts of problems with tax (this is probably not relevant to the posting but it is to me).

However, the OPs husband's attitude to household expenses sounds v. unreasonable.

I think it's completely unreasonable for your DH to expect you to pay half the bills unless he's prepared to pay you for the childcare you're doing, at your normal hourly rate (on the basis that you'd be earning that much if you weren't doing the childcare).

We're in a similar position to you as my DW has gone back to work part time having previously earned pretty much the same as me. We have separate accounts (current and savings) plus joint accounts. Each month we put £x each into the joint current account for the bills. Everything else goes into the joint savings except for £y each that we keep for our own spending. That means we can buy what we want, clothes, books, gadgets, treats etc, without having to discuss it.

The childcare is a household expense, not your personal one.

Sorry haven't read this entire thread but FFS why did you have a child with this man .

Not very helpful Flora because a) its already done and b) he probably wasnt like this when she was earning the same as him.

OP, where do the bills get paid from? Your account or his or a joint account? If its his or a joint account then I second the idea that you pay 1/3 of the total into the account and explain why. He sounds vv tight, so watch your step, men who are mean with money often end up mean in other ways too.

Yanbu. My OH earns far more, therefore he pays more into the joint account to cover mortgage and bills. I look after DS more etc. That way both of us have some money left.

Why have you got your own savings? That doesn't sound too good either... is it an 'escape fund'?