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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to just be utterly fed up

76 replies

onceortwice · 09/10/2012 13:26

Life is uterly shit at the moment.

I had invited two friends for lunch today. Confirmed as late as yesterday.

Cooked them lovely soup. COoked the kids a lovely meal.

They didn't show. No response to texts / calls.

DD upset because she is eating alone and she was expecting friends. I'm upset because I went to quite a bit of effort and, once again, no one else gives a shit.

These mums have children in my DS's class, which is why I was keen to have them around.

Nothing. So loads of food gone to waste, DD upset because 'friends' haven't turned up and another nail in the coffin of DS ever being accepted at school.

Loads of other (shit) stuff going on at the moment, but this has just really got to me today.

Please don't tell me I'm BU (or if you have to, be gentle)

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 09/10/2012 14:28

Rude selfish ill-mannered people. You don't need friends like this. Would definitely say no to them coming for tea.

Ephiny · 09/10/2012 14:28

They sound rude and inconsiderate. Tell them you're busy later.

DinosaurSchool · 09/10/2012 14:28

Did they offer an explanation? If not I would politely say no to tea. What if they didn't turn up then?

I think they need to make a bit more effort than that. Until then move on. Look out for other nice mums. I find making friends with the dc's friends parents tricky. Make friends with people you like and if your dc's get on great but if not its fine.

lowercase · 09/10/2012 14:29

if you feel ok about having them over serve soup?

or just say you are busy / tired this eve...

MaryZed · 09/10/2012 14:29

Both of them are now coming for tea Shock

That isn't on. One person unavoidable delayed, and texting you just before lunch saying "can we make it tea instead", is possibly ok. But if two of them have done it, have they got together and decided to do something else?

That is shitty, and I can understand that you are stuck between wanting to tell them to fuck off, and being desperate to encourage your ds's friendships. To be honest, though, with mothers like this their children aren't going to be nice enough to your ds Sad.

Original poster
onceortwice · 09/10/2012 14:29

Sorry, I won't chuck the food away... more I am annoyed that I went to so much effort and I have to freeze it.

I've said OK. I know. I know. But DS doesn't really have any friends at school. I have to try.

OP posts:
Nagoo · 09/10/2012 14:30

Say no.

Cheeky batards. What reason did they have to not turn up and not tell you?

It sounds like they made the decision not to come together? :(

Goldenjubilee10 · 09/10/2012 14:32

They could have your lovely soup for tea (because I live too far away to come round and eat it!) horribly rude people.

issimma · 09/10/2012 14:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparklingbrook · 09/10/2012 14:33

They could have once's soup over their heads Golden. Angry

MaryZed · 09/10/2012 14:34

Soup for tea is fine, isn't it?

One thing I would say (though it might not make you feel better, it is often true) is that you may well be much more worried about your son's friendships than he is. I used to be very hurt at people who thought ds was different - it never bothered him. He used to get on with the people he wanted to get on with, never bothered with the rest.

Whereas sometimes I would try too hard, because I really cared.

JustFabulous · 09/10/2012 14:34

You poor thing.

At the every least you are owed an explanation. Have the tea so your DS can have the experience but don't take any shit from them and I would't be feeding the mothers either. Tea at 5 is for kids in my house.

WindyandWet · 09/10/2012 14:36

Tell them you'll make sandwiches so they are to bring some cake and biscuits with them, as you'd catered for lunch not tea. And don't offer to pay for them!

FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 09/10/2012 14:36

You are a star. You made a super effort for your DS. Well done.

These mums, well, find out at tea time, but there is no harm when they are around to tell them DD and you were disappointed. This is not on.

I'd try with other mums, one at a time, in case you are dealing with a cliquey school. They may behave differently as individuals, and once you know a couple well, things may get better.

Hugs.

lowercase · 09/10/2012 14:36

thats good issimma, they can hardly complain, as its exactly what they have done.

then start putting your hand out to other people, these 'friendships' are not worth having, and all the while you are congested with this shit, you are not free to seek other friendships.

continue at your peril...

AdoraBell · 09/10/2012 14:42

Do what issima suggested and freeze the veg soup. Individual portions so that you have a delicious nutritious soup for another time when you might not have time to cook.

flow4 · 09/10/2012 14:43

How very, very odd. Them I mean, not you!
If it was one person unavoidably delayed, I'd expect an apology and an explanation... But two just not turning up, then contacting you later to say they'll come for tea instead...? Shock That is really, really rude and peculiar. Hmm
I agree with the other people who have said that these friendships probably aren't worth having... Unless they arrive with very good excuses... And a lot of cake

femmeparisienne · 09/10/2012 14:45

aww pet i know exactly what u mean. i've so much going on myself at the moment and i really look forward to chatting with friends if only to keep me in the sane circle. u know? i would be so disappointed with them/downright pissed off for their lack of interest and cheek not to even text. i often feel that im overly generous with my time and otherwise and i dont see any thanks for it. others don't make as much effort. their loss.
would u try to get friendly with a wider circle of mums and build it from there. and maybe meet up outside like the park for lunch where the kids. so then if one doesn't show u dont personally feel let down and ur kids still enjoy their time. id cool it with them for a while, theyre not a good bunch imo.
i wish u lived around here, i could do with someone who made an effort and was so thoughtful and generous!!!!!
dont mind them.
p.s rylan is hilarious!!! (i just had to put it out there ladies im sorry!!)

SoleSource · 09/10/2012 14:46

Cheeky bastards.

Hget a bag of cat bits from the chip shop. You seem lovely.

Don't bother again unless there is a good excuse x

TwelveLeggedWalk · 09/10/2012 14:49

That's horrible of them. On the plus side you sound lovely, and soup for tea is JUST what I'd want in this situation - warming on a horrible crappy day like today, but not so filling that if I was planning to eat with DH later in the eve I couldn't have some too because I'm a glutton.

Chin up.

Willabywallaby · 09/10/2012 14:49

((hug))

whatsoever · 09/10/2012 14:56

How rude! I have never ever heard of someone missing a meal they'd agreed to come for but deciding to come for their next meal instead. I'm actually astonished Shock

mumto2andnomore · 09/10/2012 20:29

Did they turn up for tea ?

Original poster
onceortwice · 09/10/2012 20:44

No. My DS fell over and hurt his arm quite badly, so I had to pick him up early and get him checked out. (He's fine)

I've gone back over the texts. It was definitely lunch. As of yesterday, it was all fine.

Most days, I just want to take DS out of school and keep him here. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
onceortwice · 09/10/2012 20:54

But before that, I did say yes because I am pathetic

OP posts: