Or was I over reacting to be a bit surprised by nephews eating habits?

[IShallCallYouSquishy]

I have no experience of 4.5 year olds as my DD is only 4.5months so not sure if this is normal behaviour or not!

Yesterday we went to my SIL house for Sunday lunch. Was very delicious and was lovely of her to invite us over. I was a bit surprised to see my nephew eating his entire lunch, gravy soaked mash potato included, with his hands. There was cutlery at the side of his plate but he just ignored it. SIL said once or twice "can you use your fork/spoon please" but when he just ignored her nothing more was said. If I look back on other recent times he's eaten that I've seen, I've never seen him use cutlery.

Now my experience of a child eating is shoving DD on my boob so nowhere near the feeding herself stage, but at 4.5 should a child be using cutlery?

Will completely accept if it's normal and I shouldn't of been shocked by it, but I honestly thought a school age child should be able to use cutlery to feed themselves.

Sometimes children will do one 'naughty' / unacceptable thing at home and another 'good' thing at nursery /school/ wherever. We were worried about 4.5 yo DS not using a knife and us having to cut everything into small pieces at meal times. so I went into nursery to ask for their support in getting her to use a knife. Staff surprised as DS would go around to other children's plates at lunchtime and cut their food up for them !

Not helpful - sorry - but maybe shows children act differently in different situations

My DD1 is 3.5. She can perfectly well use a spoon and fork, but often doesn't. I pick her up on it far more when we are eating alone at home than in restaurants or with guests. If she is otherwise eating nicely, joining in the conversation, letting adults talk, etc it is often not worth turning it into a nagging battle and spoiling everyone's meal. I would think that, as you have said above, there is a good chance that's what was happening here.

My dc were both eating with fork, knife and spoon at that age.

My nine year old nephew still only eats using a fork and isn't corrected. Food that needs cutting is stabbed on the fork and eaten in small bites.

I think good table manners are important and have always nagged my kids to make them comply .