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Original poster

To hope that this book is wrong?

42 replies

aroomofherown · 07/10/2012 20:05

My friend gave me a book called "Marry Him" - all about settling for Mr Good-enough. The author makes some good points about not waiting for perfection, but her main premise seems to be that women in their 40s have very little chance of getting into a relationship with an attractive man their age, because they all go for younger women. It even says, "they all get bald, overweight and old anyway so you may as well go for that" or something along those lines.

I'm single and 40 and lonely. This book is actually making me quite depressed and irritable. Is this it for the rest of my life - marry someone unattractive or stay lonely?

OP posts:
imperialstateknickers · 07/10/2012 20:06

Friend or no friend, throw the book in the bin.

Fakebook · 07/10/2012 20:07

Just because someone is unattractive, it doesn't mean they don't have a good personality.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 07/10/2012 20:09

I think that, as you get older, what you find attractive changes. Looks matter less than personality.

A balding, sagging man who can make you laugh and feel safe is a better bet than Mr Handsome but nasty.

McHappyPants2012 · 07/10/2012 20:10

George Clooney is a very attractive man and he is 51 :) and that coming from a 26 year old.

Beauty in in the eye of the beholder

SoupInaBasket · 07/10/2012 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
aroomofherown · 07/10/2012 20:11

Fakebook that is true. And that is what the book is about, which I agree with.

But surely it matters that you find them attractive? Or should I compromise on that? Serious question.

OP posts:
Inneedofbrandy · 07/10/2012 20:12

I haven't read the book, but the lady who write baggage reclaim recommends and agrees with it.

I kinda agree that mr perfect does not exist and butterflies and that thunderbolt feeling when you see someone is bullshit. There is a theory that the butterflies are your body's fight or flight response to danger.

I wouldn't be with someone who I felt was unattractive, but I can be attracted to lots more things then looks.

SoupInaBasket · 07/10/2012 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squoosh · 07/10/2012 20:15

What a subtle friend you have! Did she just plonk it in your lap and say 'here ya go'?

YouMayLogOut · 07/10/2012 20:16

Bin the book!

Numberlock · 07/10/2012 20:17

I think you're asking the wrong question, OP - marry vs stay lonely.

McHappyPants2012 · 07/10/2012 20:17

Being attractive and being attracted so to someone is completely different

akaemmafrost · 07/10/2012 20:17

I don't think it's wrong unfortunately but it's probably best not to dwell on it and just hope you get lucky......

dondon33 · 07/10/2012 20:17

Ignore the book.

cory · 07/10/2012 20:18

The underlying premise is that every woman has to get married. You wouldn't want to be an old maid, would you? Like poor old Edith wiping her tears off and climbing out of bed with the sad reflection that spinsters get up for breakfast. Hmm

wake me up, someone, when the 21st century comes around again!

Fakebook · 07/10/2012 20:19

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. My DH always tells me that I'm beautiful, but I know that other people may not see me the same way. When you fall in love with someone, you find them attractive regardless of any flaws.

SoupInaBasket · 07/10/2012 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

monsterchild · 07/10/2012 20:23

My Dh was apparently balding in his 20s, hasn't got chisled features, and has a permanently awkward arm due to an accident in youth. However, I think he's the greatest thing since sliced bread! He won't win any handsome awards (though I'm not entirely sure why not) and doesn't look like any movie star I can think of. That all being said, he is the greatest DH I could have.

I will also say that I met him when I was 38, and it wasn't love at first sight but it was love after great sex It was only love after getting to know him.

I hope the author is trying to say that "beautiful men aren't all they're cracked up to be" and that beautiful men in their 40s are perhaps too vain to be seen with someone their own age.

However, there's nothing to stop you finding love. I did, and I was certain I was going to die alone, found half eaten by the cats.

YouMayLogOut · 07/10/2012 20:25

Would you want someone to marry you if they found you unattractive?

monsterchild · 07/10/2012 20:25

Also, i was happy to be alone! I wasn't missing being married (had never been) and I didn't ever feel like being married was somehow the pinnacle of my life as a woman.

cory · 07/10/2012 20:25

In my book, there is only one reason to marry someone and that is if you really would rather spend the rest of your life with this particular individual than with anybody else. The rest you can shag. Baldness doesn't come into it.

GoSakuramachi · 07/10/2012 20:27

They kind oh have a point though. Its not like you are surrounded by attractive single available men your age, and if you were they would all be trying to date women ten years younger than you. You presumaby wouldnt still be single if they werent in the ballpark of correct.

lubeybooby · 07/10/2012 20:27

Oh gawd

I actually thought 'sod it' and married my ex after reading a similar book that said there's nothing wrong with 'Mr Shed' rather than 'Mr Right' (shed stands for sod it he'll do)

It wasn't ONLY becasue of that book, but it did stay in my mind, if you see what I mean.

So having been there I say noooooo! Wait for the right one!

Back2Two · 07/10/2012 20:27

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

GrimmaTheNome · 07/10/2012 20:28

I wouldn't be with someone who I felt was unattractive, but I can be attracted to lots more things then looks.

Of course. There are some very 'good looking' men who are rendered completely unattractive by being fuckwits. We get better at judging by the content of character as we get older, I think.

Baldness is of course linked to testosterone, some baldies can be very attractive. Overweight ...well, I'd maybe worry about obese because finding Mr Right and then having him drop dead would be tragic,. And as for 'They all get ... old anyway' - well, don't we all Confused.