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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have told her to F off?

36 replies

veryhurt · 07/10/2012 18:12

This is what I have done but in temper.

I introduced my friend (A) to another friend of mine (B) last year. Their daughters (age 13) became friends in the last month.

I also have a DD the same age who has been friends with both of the girls for a few years.

The other two girls starting ignoring mine, even at a recent party my DD said they refused to speak to her all night. Mean girl stuff such as standing staring at her and whispering.

I spoke to both my friends, A & B. They spoke to their DD's who denied it.

I then received by accident a text message from B which was meant for A laughing about the incident, they'd been joking about it. It read as though both my friends were actively involved in the incident.

I told A who is a friend of longer standing and we are supposedly close that I was upset to receive this and rather than her explain and apologise she started attacking my DD and that she's jealous of their girls friendship.

She listed stuff from primary school regarding friendship issues involving her DD, mine and various other names and said any problems are my DD's making.

She admitted that she's been talking about me and DD to B and said I would have done the same. This I would never do and shocked she would think this is ok.

She was really nasty and venemous which I have never seen before. She thinks it's ok that B told the girls to ignore my DD even though last week she denied they were ignoring her.

I've had loads of text, ( many I have not read but husband has) attacking my DD over stuff at primary when the girls fell out.

I told her to F off. She said it's a shame to ruin a frienship. Is she crazy or am I not seeing something?

Thanks

OP posts:

MissHuffy · 07/10/2012 18:15

Nope. You, and your DD, are better off without this crap.

CremeEggThief · 07/10/2012 18:17

YANBU. There is nothing worse than someone who's clearly in the wrong getting all defensive and unapologetic about it all. TBH, these mothers sound worse than their teenage DDs.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 07/10/2012 18:17

You don't need them and nor does DD. Tell her this. And stick to it. Sooner or later one of the 4 will come creeping back because they are also a victim...don't fall for it. Be with nice people.

NeDeLaMer · 07/10/2012 18:18

I'm only surprised it took so long, she's no friend - sorry you have been betrayed like this, they're both nasty.

SecretNutellaFix · 07/10/2012 18:19

YANBU, however, as a precautionary measure, I would let the school know that there may be incidents as a result of this, just so they can be aware.

WhizziesMum · 07/10/2012 18:19

Gosh girls can be really cruel! I'm not surprised you're upset by it. I think that you should tell DD that she is better off without either of them, and then cut them all out if your lives. Do they all go to the same school now?

crackcrackcrak · 07/10/2012 18:20

Hard to say. Friendships are often outgrown. Sis your dd do anything to instigate bad feeling toward her?

Whitecherry · 07/10/2012 18:20

Tbh it's kids stuff. This time next monthly might be your dd and one of the others leaving the third girl out.

And you are left where?

I would rise above it all and keep out of it

mrsminerva · 07/10/2012 18:21

Cut A & B out of your life IMHO.

thebody · 07/10/2012 18:23

In my experience unless its actual bullying its never a good idea for the adults to get personally involved in their kids friendships.

What will happen is you adults will all fall out and your kids will be best mates next week.

You mothers have made this ten times worse by getting involved.

cory · 07/10/2012 18:31

At 13 I really think they are far too old for you to have this level of involvement- unless there is serious active bullying. My teen dd is going through some friendship upsets atm and I have told her quite clearly that though I am always happy to be sympathetic I will not get personally involved unless dangerous, damaging or criminal activity (including cyber bullying) is actually taking place.

Original poster

veryhurt · 07/10/2012 18:32

crackcrack - spoke to DD, she said daughter of B has not been right with her since my DD got friendly with another group of girls and started spending time with them. Incidently I had a text from B over the weekend about the siuation and she randomly mentioned these new friends of DD - text didnt make sense or the relevence of this.

I really tried not to get involved but couldnt stay quiet after the party incidence, and yes we parents have made it 1000x worse!

OP posts:

PedanticPanda · 07/10/2012 18:40

I would normally say don't get involved in dc fallouts, but the issue is more to do with your friends behaviour towards you and the horrible things she's saying about your dd. You're better off without her, she doesn't sound very nice.

Smeghead · 07/10/2012 18:48

Well I would agree that it isnt a good idea to get involved but in this case I think that its good you did as now you know what bitches they all are.

Print off the messages and if they keep coming tell her that she must stop contacting you or you will be informing the police that she is harrassing you. That should put a stop to it.

gimmecakeandcandy · 07/10/2012 19:18

Of course you needed to get involved in this! Dump these so called friends as please advise your dd to do the same. Neither of you nee to waste time on idiots like this and you will have taught your dd a valuable lesson - that is people act like these cunts have, get rid of them!

pigletmania · 07/10/2012 19:19

Consign this friendships to the bin, they sound nasty and toxic, your best off withut them

Tuttutitlookslikerain · 07/10/2012 19:24

YANBU.

It sounds like they need to grow up, TbH!

FryOneGhoulishGhostlyManic · 07/10/2012 19:29

spoke to DD, she said daughter of B has not been right with her since my DD got friendly with another group of girls and started spending time with them.

I think the other girl's problem is jealousy as your DD's attention is not exclusive on her. I would suggest encouraging your DD to develop the friendships with the other group of girls.

Jojoba1986 · 07/10/2012 19:43

Don't be fooled into thinking that bullying necessarily involves confrontation. I was regularly at the receiving end of spontaneous exclusion from my so-called friendship group from the ages of 9-15. One girl in particular would tell everyone I had done/said something to upset her & everyone would suddenly stop talking to me & I wouldn't have a clue why! It took me many years & a counselor explaining it to my face for me to recognise this as bullying. It still affects the way I relate to people over 8 years since I last saw anyone involved.

Having said that, I recognise that girls can be silly/mean sometimes & a one-off event shouldn't be blown out of proportion. Your friends' reactions may not have been ideal but how about inviting them over for a cuppa & trying to discuss the situation calmly? Parents being at each other's throats will not help! If it did become a regular problem & your DD was getting upset you might want to think about arranging for her to not be in a situation where she's likely to see these 2 girls together!

Viviennemary · 07/10/2012 19:49

It is quite common for girls of that age to fall out and not be nice to each other. But it shouldn't really affect their Mothers friendships. But in this case the Mums have both behaved disgracefully. And I don't think I'd bother with either of them if I were you. They sound worse than the girls.

CaseyShraeger · 07/10/2012 19:50

Yes, it is a shame to ruin a friendship by bitching about your friend behind her back.

CaseyShraeger · 07/10/2012 19:51

(I mean A and B bitching about you, obviously)

EnjoyGOLDResponsibly · 07/10/2012 19:58

Well, you realise that your own mistake was to interfere in teen girl atrocious ness in the first instance. No good ever comes of that IME. Not all, but many are just little sods.

BUT A and B have taken the spat to a whole new level, and A's reaction to being caught out is I think the reason why you can only conclude that your friendship with both women is now at an end. Move on, don't look back and don't dignify the situation with any further comment.

jojoba I was in a group of girls like that 30 years ago, we'd turn on each other in a heartbeat if the queen bee's mood changed, fucking awful.

Original poster

veryhurt · 07/10/2012 20:03

Jojoba - I did speak to A & B to try and resolve but they denied the girls were doing anything. I'd decided to move on and let ig go until I received the text not meant for me- laughing behind my back.

I have received great support from you ladies. I will not have any contact with them again.

DD will no doubt have more problems as one of the girl's is quite "popular" and I know she can be manipulative in a nice, quiet, sweet way so will no doubt turn others against DD. I will have to deal with that when it happens.

OP posts:

GoldShip · 07/10/2012 20:05

Why in gods name are these women getting involved? I'd be wanting to bang their heads together. Sounds like you and your daughter would be better of without these childish bints!

I find it a bit sad they were sat texting about you too. Nothing else better to do have they?

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