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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children smoking in the park

103 replies

TheHeirOfSlytherin · 07/10/2012 17:32

Dh and I took ds to the "naice" park this afternoon simply because the other nearby park has a skatepark attached and the surrounding area can be littered with glass and worse.

While we were there a group of 4 or 5 11-13 year olds turned up, monopolised the toddler swings and started smoking. Dh saw this and shouted over to them to "Clear off if you want to smoke, this is a kiddy's park." and one by one they slunk off.

The park was busy, lots of families with small children around but when the smokers turned up they all just moved away from them to the other end of the park.

It left me thinking, was dh bu? I don't think he was, had I seen the smokers before him then I would have said something too. The actions of the other parents makes me think we're in the minority.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheHeirOfSlytherin · 07/10/2012 18:46

I started a thread to ask if anyone else would have said something to them as no one else did at the time.

All he said was "clear off" he didn't swear or approach them or be threatening in any way. He shouted over to them to clear off if they wanted to smoke.

OP posts:
twoGoldfingerstoGideon · 07/10/2012 18:46

I'm getting worked up because I come on here asking if confronting them was wrong only to be told that it's ok for them to smoke anywhere they want because it's always happened. Since when is that ok?
I think you came on here expecting people to agree with you. No-one has said they approve of smoking teenagers but lots of them have pointed out there was no need to shout.

Desiderata · 07/10/2012 18:48

Kids have been smoking since the year dot. Folk seem very moralistic these days.

Frankly, I wouldn't give a shit if my son smoked a cigar at the dinner table, so long as he said 'please and thank you,' and was considerate to old ladies.

Your dh may think he has the moral high ground ... but cool? 0/10.

Original poster
TheHeirOfSlytherin · 07/10/2012 18:49

So was dh supposed to approach them then? That was the alternative to shouting at them. From where we were they wouldn't have heard him had he just asked them.

Had he done that you'd all be telling me he was bu to go over there and tower over the poor misunderstood children who were doing something wrong.

OP posts:
quirrelquarrel · 07/10/2012 18:50

Yeah, but you made things difficult for yourself by including the extra details, about how it was said. Probably if you'd just said your DH told them to smoke somewhere else, you'd have had lots of "yeah, me too". People care about the fact that he shouted when it was unnecessary ffs.

LynetteScavo · 07/10/2012 18:50

Yes, if I'd wanted to use the equipment they were on, near I would have said something. Just like I would to a 5yo who had been on for ages and ages, or adults who were smoking nearby, and the smoke was bothering me.

Original poster
TheHeirOfSlytherin · 07/10/2012 18:50

It wasn't unnecessary ffs! He wouldn't have been heard of he hadn't shouted!

OP posts:
GoldShip · 07/10/2012 18:51

If I had a teen and some man had told them to 'clear off' the park I'd be having words with that man. You don't own the park. They're children and have as much right to be there as yours do. It would have been the best thing to just ask them nicely to put their cigs out.

Manners, respect and consideration all round would have had a better result

suburbophobe · 07/10/2012 18:51

And if you don't expect to meet teenagers who smoke you must've been living in another world....

They should go somewhere else tho than a children's playground, they could expect a problem, but really, there should be a "teenage playground" in all parks...
where they are free to hang out without stress from interfering busybodies

kim147 · 07/10/2012 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
TheHeirOfSlytherin · 07/10/2012 18:54

As I said in my first post, there is a bloody skate park around the corner. No need for them to be in the kiddy park smoking.

OP posts:
twoGoldfingerstoGideon · 07/10/2012 18:54

What your DH might consider doing next time is walking over to them and politely saying 'excuse me, but do you mind letting someone else having a go on the swings?' No need to 'tower over' anyone, or shout. Is this so hard to understand?

suburbophobe · 07/10/2012 18:55

No doubt OP your DCs will be teenagers one day....Grin

GoldShip · 07/10/2012 18:55

Does the skate park have swings? As from what you've said they obviously wanted to go on the swings.

And it doesn't really matter what's over there, they wanted to be there. Which they still have a right to do

I'm sorry you're getting annoyed but its a bit unfair

Original poster
TheHeirOfSlytherin · 07/10/2012 18:56

And as I've already said, if they were smoking I would want someone to shout at them for it.

OP posts:
kim147 · 07/10/2012 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twoGoldfingerstoGideon · 07/10/2012 18:58

Really? You would want a complete stranger to reprimand your children in a shouty voice?

Original poster
TheHeirOfSlytherin · 07/10/2012 18:59

If they were doing something wrong then of course I would!

OP posts:
kim147 · 07/10/2012 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoldShip · 07/10/2012 19:05

The fact is they weren't being 'reprimanded' purely for smoking otherwise it would have been a case of to telling them to put the cigs out.

You didn't want them their at sll

twoGoldfingerstoGideon · 07/10/2012 19:07

This is ridiculous. Would you be happy for a stranger to reprimand your child/ren in a shouty voice at their current age? If not, what age does a child have to attain before it's acceptable for adult strangers to shout at them? Eight? Twelve?

Original poster
TheHeirOfSlytherin · 07/10/2012 19:07

Sorry were the words "clear off if you want to smoke" not clear enough?

OP posts:
ThalianotFailure · 07/10/2012 19:14

I'm going to go against the grain here and suggest that by choosing to smoke at all, and choosing to hang out on the toddler swings, they were looking for a reaction from the old 'uns. And they got one. Fair dos, I say. The fact that they weren't hiding behind the bike sheds or similar suggests that they know they can get away with doing whatever they like because they won't get pulled up on it. It sounds like they could have hung out in the skate park with their peers, or plonked on a bench anywhere else in the park. But they chose not to. They would have seen the other parents moving away with their children and if they had an ounce of intelligence between them they would have worked out why - but did they move on to somewhere more appropriate? No.

And whilst I agree that reasoned conversation gets the best results, I don't think it does any teenager any harm to be given short shrift every so often. If my child came home and complained about this, I would be far more angry that a) they were smoking and b) they were where they shouldn't be. I certainly wouldn't be getting all worked up because another parent shouted at them to clear off!

WorraLiberty · 07/10/2012 19:14

Oh dear this thread as all gone a bit Pete Tong hasn't it OP?

I'm almost sure it was supposed to be fully of people slapping you on the back and congratulating your 'brave' DH Grin

Sorry but I think he was rude too

He could quite easily have gone over and had a quite, polite word with them.

WorraLiberty · 07/10/2012 19:15

*quiet

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