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Original poster

to be horrified someone said this about my friend and WWYD?

54 replies

mummytowillow · 07/10/2012 17:03

My friend has come to stay for the weekend, she lives 300 miles from me. We went out last night in a group of six girls, all dressed up and I thought we all looked good!

We had quite a bit to drink and I got chatting to a woman I've seen around but never spoken to before, she was very nice and said innocently 'look at that is that a transvestite' pointing at my friend, Blush

I didn't want to embarrass her and said no she is lovely but didn't crack on she's my best friend.

Thing is she apparently has a point, I asked another close friend discreetly if she thought this and she said yes! And I'm horrified! OK my friend is a big girl, 5ft 10 and insists on wearing the highest shoes she can find so looks very tall, she has naff 80's hair which she is trying to grow out? She admits its naff!

She had an all black outfit on and black trendy leather jacket and I thought she looked ok? But the more I look at what she wears, I'm debating if it not 'age' appropriate, we are both knocking on the door of 45! Wink

So WWYD, I hate that people think this of her, so how can I approach it or should I leave well alone?

I've posted before about some people in a pub laughing behind her back a about her hair and I plucked up the courage and told her about it and she agreed, but this is potentially very hurtful? Sad

OP posts:
manicinsomniac · 07/10/2012 17:05

I wouldn't say a word!

Especially if she's already growing her hair out. She can't help being tall and maybe heels help her feel more feminine

CollieEye · 07/10/2012 17:06

Don't. This is really hurtful.

you could start calling her Lola and see if she can figure it out

itwasallyellow · 07/10/2012 17:08

I think that people shouldn't be so shallow and judgemental about the way other people look.

I don't think that I could ever say to a friend that actually people think that you look like a drag queen. I realy don't have the energy these days to worry what people look like and would value a friendship over apearance.

LynetteScavo · 07/10/2012 17:08

Erm....I wouldn't say anything directly to her. I think at 45 she's old enough to know what she looks like. The only thing you could do is suggest a make-over, but that would be imposing on her how you would like her to look.

When I was out recently, there were some girls of about 21ish who were all really dressed up (very high heals, fake tan, very short skirts, big hair, lots of make-up including huge fake eye-lashes) Now, they were all very pretty girls, but one just didn't carry off this over the top look well, and yes, she looked a bit like a transvestite.

cocolepew · 07/10/2012 17:10

If she is happy about how she looks/dresses it's nobody elses business.

YouMayLogOut · 07/10/2012 17:10

Just ignore the idiots. Your friend knows what she looks like and her appearance is entirely up to her.

thebody · 07/10/2012 17:12

Good grief, keep your mouth shut and if anyone else makes comments about her tell them to stop being bitchy.

Who cares how she looks, anyone of any age (adult) should wear what the fuck they like and that's that.

nkf · 07/10/2012 17:16

I'd have said that's my best friend. And I wouldn't say anything to her.

Soupqueen · 07/10/2012 17:20

I have a friend who is 6 foot tall and always wears heels on a night out. She says that if someone isn't man enough to deal with her height, in heels, she'd rather know at that stage and not waste any time.

I applaud her (from a distance, at 5 foot)

MadgeHarvey · 07/10/2012 17:20

I didn't want to embarrass her and said no she is lovely but didn't crack on she's my best friend

You sound every bit as shallow as them tbh. Does your friend know that you're really no friend of hers?

aldiwhore · 07/10/2012 17:21

Even if piss takers have a point, if it will hurt your best friend, say nothing about that instance.

However if you ever have a shopping trip and she picks her usual garb, break into bad 80's song.

My prefered stance is to say "and? So WHAT!" if anyone criticises someone I love.

GoSakuramachi · 07/10/2012 17:22

Of course you should leave well alone, by saying anything you are one of those shallow and judgemental people. Who cares what anyone else thinks of her?

BonnyDay · 07/10/2012 17:22

Used to have a colleague with huge 80s hair. She still does I think

BonnyDay · 07/10/2012 17:23

We called her big hair Jane.

usualsuspect3 · 07/10/2012 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect3 · 07/10/2012 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BenandBolly · 07/10/2012 17:28

Well of course image and external looks are so important aren't they? Thank god she's getting her hair changed because hair style is certainly one of the most important things for women to think about Hmm

suburbophobe · 07/10/2012 17:31

I think that people shouldn't be so shallow and judgemental about the way other people look.

^^ this!

Who cares what other people think! If she is a friend and you are both there for each other, what more can you ask for in life?

are the people making judgements friend when it comes down to it?

They sound very prejudiced. (sp?).

KateShmate · 07/10/2012 17:31

Oh dear, I'm 5'10" and, the few times in a blue moon, that I go out I wear my highest heels ever! I never normally get a chance, and like a PP said - it does make me feel more girly and feminine!
She's obviously happy and she sounds really confident so I wouldn't say anything :)

suburbophobe · 07/10/2012 17:31

your friend

KenLeeeeeee · 07/10/2012 17:35

Well for a start, what I would have done right there and then is tell the bitchy girl to stop being such a bitch, point out that she's talking about my BEST friend and ask her why she feels it necessary to conform to some abstract idea of femininity in order to have a good night out.

If your friend feels good and has fun, what the effing jeff does it matter if she's 5'10 and wearing 6" heels?

If you didn't "crack on" that she's your best friend to this girl, maybe you need to ask yourself WHY that is, and if it's because you felt a bit embarrassed to be associated with someone who was the butt of cruel jokes, you need to reassess just how good a friend you actually are to this woman.

ScarahStratton · 07/10/2012 17:43

I'm 5'9", and now I'm wondering if I should stick to flats too.

I'm curious, what is 'naff 80's hair'?

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 07/10/2012 17:46

She should wear what the hell she likes if she likes it!!

Screw the people who make snap judgements and you should not say a dam thing

AreAllMenTheSame2 · 07/10/2012 17:48

If you're friend is happy with the way she looks then good for her!!! Its feck all to do with anybody else how she decides to dress or have her hair.

But in my opinion by your post you don't sound like a very good friend.

  1. didn't crack on she was my best friend
  2. thing is, she apparenly has a point. I asked another close friend if she thought this and she said yes!
  3. Ive posted before about some people in a pub laughing behind her back about her hair and I plucked up the courage to tell her about it

So you didn't put the woman straight about your friend as you didn't want to embaress her? Why would a strangers feelings be more important than your friends?

You then went and spoke about it to another friend, why? Was there any need? So two woman who your friend things are her friends have ben talking about her behind her back agreeing she looks like a transvestite.

You plucked up the courage to tell your "friend" people were laughing at her? Plucked up the courage my arse!!! If someonwas laughing at my friend id confront them or if i ddnt i wouldnt then go and tell my friend. What did you gain from telling her this? Apart from making her feel uncomfstable on a night out?

I think your "friend" needs to get some new frinds tbh.

NoImSpartacus · 07/10/2012 17:51

I recently went on holiday with my best friend and I noticed some people were laughing at her (and another of her friends) over their sense of style (or some might say lack of it).

One example is we had been sunbathing at a hotel and went for some lunch over the road from the hotel. Instead of slipping a kaftan or cover up over their bikinis they just got up and walked outside (in the street) in their bikinis. They also had heels on.

They are both big girls and we are all approaching our 40s. I am not a big girl but automatically slipped a kaftan over my bikini for the sake of decency. I have to be honest but I did judge them a little bit as they did look a state, but I would never say anything as it's up to them how they dress (and my issue if I'm embarrassed of their lack of style). I felt hurt for my best friend, people can be v cruel.

I kind of admire them in a way as they don't care what anyone thinks! Even if they had seen the people staring and giggling at them they would honestly think it was because they were being admired. So who am I to rain all over their parade?!

I have said the odd thing in the past when asked but I get a v defensive response so now I just say yeah you look lovely (even when I see people sniggering at my best mate!). People's feelings are v fragile things.