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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To assume I've been dumped and move on?

50 replies

Itsnotahoover · 07/10/2012 08:42

Bit of quick background: been seeing a guy for 5 years off and on. Never anything "serious" due to lots of issues with his family etc but suited me and I loved him to bits. He went abroad at the beginning of June to visit family for a couple of weeks... And hasn't come back! Not had so much as a text or postcard to let me know he's ok! I was upset at first, now 4 months on, I'm just pissed off!

I have met a really nice, uncomplicated guy who has hinted he would like to take me out. WIBU to assume I've been dumped and go out with this guy? To be honest, even if he did come back now, I think my reaction would be to tell him to feck off. And maybe punch him Grin

(By the way, I know he's not dead as I did a bit of snooping on the book of face and his son's profile has been regularly updated with pictures of them having a jolly good time!)

OP posts:
OrangeLily · 07/10/2012 08:45

This happened to an acquaintance of mine, turns out if was an arranged marriage he had gone home for. Then she realised she was preggers. Then the wife got preggers. Then he moved the wife back to acquaintance's home town! Nuts!

shrimponastick · 07/10/2012 08:49

YANBU

Date the new guy.

Original poster
Itsnotahoover · 07/10/2012 08:50

Not much chance of that in this case as he's a 50 year old divorcee with 3 grown up kids Grin I can't even begin to imagine an excuse for not contacting someone for 4 months. Especially someone you've been in a relationship of sorts with for 5 years! Come to the conclusion he's just an arsehole that doesn't deserve me!

OP posts:
HeathRobinson · 07/10/2012 08:50

Date the new guy.
Have some fun.

RobynRidingHood · 07/10/2012 08:51

You said it was on-off. So perhaps he thinks he's in an off period?

geegee888 · 07/10/2012 08:51

YANBU. Especially if the new guy is younger with less baggage.

Have you tried contacting him yourself?

Original poster
Itsnotahoover · 07/10/2012 08:52

We have generally mutually agreed the off periods. But who knows? Git!

OP posts:
ledkr · 07/10/2012 08:53

Not sure you even need to be dumped, if someone I was seeing didn't contact me for a month I'd dump him. Yes have se fun with new guy,other one sounds far too complicated anyway,

Original poster
Itsnotahoover · 07/10/2012 08:54

His phone isn't switched on, I'm guessing he's left it at home. But he knows where I live so a postcard wouldn't be out of the reals of possibility! I am actually at a point where I don't care, but it would be nice to have been told!

OP posts:
PedanticPanda · 07/10/2012 08:55

Yanbu, go out with the new guy and have fun.

Original poster
Itsnotahoover · 07/10/2012 08:55

New guy is same age as me, separated with kids similar age to my ds and seems a nice chap. Seeing him at work today so I think I'll bite the bullet and ask him out for a drink :)

OP posts:
sookiesookie · 07/10/2012 08:55

Go have some fun he would have no right to expect that you wouldn't when he has not contacted you in this long.

I bet, though, he will pop up again sometime with some rubbish excuse. Probably pretending to be hurt and shocked you have been seeing someone else. If so I would tell him to jog on.

LindyHemming · 07/10/2012 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Itsnotahoover · 07/10/2012 08:57

Euphemia my self esteem is pretty low, yes. But I'm not waiting around, I just feel it would've been polite to tell me I'm dumped!

OP posts:
Fecklessdizzy · 07/10/2012 09:04

It would, and he sounds like a prize pillock ... Stuff him and on to pastures new!

AuntieStella · 07/10/2012 09:13

Four months with no contact, and no means for you to contact him?

(I wonder if he's been checking to see if you're dead).

No, it doesn't sound as if he's that bothered. Personally, I'd rather end the relationship cleanly before moving on to the next man (and it does sound as if you'd prefer to be seeing him than waiting indefinitely), but if you can't reach him then you can't do that. But do tell him properly as soon as you can.

HecateLarpo · 07/10/2012 09:13

Not unreasonable at all. He is, though. Go, have fun. Anyone who expects you to wait around when they can't be arsed to contact you isn't worth waiting for.

Foxy800 · 07/10/2012 09:22

Go and enjoy soem time with new guy. The only person here being unreasonable is the other guy.

Original poster
Itsnotahoover · 07/10/2012 09:23

Yes I'd rather have the chance to tell him where to go before I date someone new, but I can't so it'll just have to wait until he gets home. If he comes home. Although he's got to really as he has a house and a shop to sort out at some point! I'm off to work in a minute, new guy will be there! Wish me luck! Lol

OP posts:
MikeOxard · 07/10/2012 09:30

Yanbu. Date the new guy. If knobhead comes back, definately tell him to feck off. Punching at your own discretion. :o

CalamityKate · 07/10/2012 09:31

Go out with the new guy.

When you haven't seen hide nor hair of the other one for a year, send him a text saying "I think we should cool it for a while, this isn't working for me" :D

HeathRobinson · 07/10/2012 09:32

Good luck with the new guy!

TerrorNotSoFrightened · 07/10/2012 09:33

Are you sure the other guy is still alive?

BitOutOfPractice · 07/10/2012 09:34

Yanbu. Hope the new guy is lovely

What intrigues me is how people can have their lives arranged so that they can fuck off and leave their homes / jobs / everything for 4 months at a time without So much as a by your leave

TerrorNotSoFrightened · 07/10/2012 09:34

Ah sorry, didn't catch the end bit of OP Blush