to feel that most females have been the victim of some kind of sexual abuse?

[SoleSource]

AIBU?

I was very nearly raped by a taxi driver. Also my cries of NO have been ignored on a couple of occasions.

I am so sorry to read many of the stories on here. Some people have suffered horrific experiences.

Noillyprat, do what needs to be done to protect your children.
My brother, my abuser, is no longer a part of my life. He will never,ever have access to me children. I'm guessing that he's fairly on in age by now (I know I'm making big assumptions here), but age won't make him harmless, especially since he has such a history. Never go near with your children. There are ALWAYS excuses that can be made, if you don't want to scream the truth.

I've been thinking about this recently. There are lots of memories that have resurfaced for me after recent events in the news. I've never considered these events to be sexual abuse because I put myself in the situation.

• 12/13 stacking shelves at the local corner shop for an hour to earn some sweets. I think we got caught pinching () and so were offered to 'earn' instead. In light of that he frisked us each time before we left. I clearly remember being groped. My friend was younger than me.

• i got pushed into a toilet cubicle (age 16) but escaped as he was undoing his trousers, I couldn't tell anyone because I was trying to buy pot from him

• my second 'boyfriend'. He was 10 years my senior, I was 16/17. He liked rough sex and would pin me down and tell me to struggle. I got pregnant (not on the pill, he didn't like condoms). It had to be surgical, he dropped me at clinic, and back to friends after. I wanted to see him a day or so after (I was in love ) so he took me for a drive. He initiated sex, I said I couldn't because of abortion, he made it clear that's what he was there for and as I didn't want him to go I let him. He stopped half way and said I was making him feel like he was raping me so he took me home. Only other time I heard from him was when he turned up with a friend to take me back to his 'for some fun', 'just the three of us'. Luckily I was a bit wiser and had some spidey senses about me so I declined.

Feel a bit sick writing that down.

There's more but I'll stop there.

I certainly don't see my experience as unusual, all my friends have had similar experiences, especially when younger.

Another one I have just remembered. It didn't get as far as sexual abuse, but it wasn't far off. OH and I were walking along the seafront in Bournemouth, here was a gang of blokes milling around by the games arcade/Harry Ramsdens. Three or four came over to us and one said that we had won a prize and we had to come with them. One then grabbed my arm, and the others got round OH so he couldn't get back to me. The one who had hold of me was trying to drag me off. OH was yelling and trying to fight his way through.

I slapped the guy who was holding me, weirdly I was more scared for OH as I know he ha a temper and didn't want him getting hurt.

He let go of me and swore, the others let OH go and they just wandered off.

Was really shaken up.

The worst thing was that this was in broad daylight, in summer and literally hundreds of people just stood and watched...

More coming to me now

• flashed walking home from school

• on holiday going back with a bloke, sex didn't happen as I was too drunk, we both stopped. But I woke up to a group of blokes groping me and taking pictures.

• numerous instances of being groped in nightclubs

I just said to OH, that I'm actually really hacked off now. All these "little" things I assumed were normal at the time and have subsequently forgotten. They weren't normal, none of it was my fault. Grrrrrrr.

Men have different problems. Nearly every man I know has had to defend himself against assaults from other men (not sexual generally though), and most have come off rather worse for it.

Absolutely! My dh has had that as well.

Oh, and to the poster who found it 'interesting' that some women had never been abused, whereas others had been several times... I'm glad that you find the repeated abuse of women 'interesting'. I personally think that it is horrific.

I've been abused but i still know what they meant, there's no need to be so spikey.

Personally i think it is in part due to vulnerability. I used to attract a certain type of person from men to friends. (I even attracted female friends who wanted to control me just like my abusive ex). I think my vulnerability was like a beacon to a certain type of person.

Obviously not that it was my fault, but having been a victim as a child i unfortunately became one as an adult. I don't get any shit like that now that i am assertive and older. This is only a contributing factor though for me. I was also very shy which perhaps contributed as well. Its like a bully picking the most vulnerable to pick on.

Blistory was right on the other page. Teaching our daughters that human rights (like the freedom to walk down the street without being sexually assaulted) apply to women too probably wouldn't help women react better at the time of the assault.

But I truly believe it would immeasurably improve things after incidents. If I have a daughter, and she is ever victimised, I don't want her to spend one single teeny tiny MOMENT blaming herself. I don't want her to hesitate to report it. I want her to feel as outraged and within her rights as anyone would after being mugged. And no, I'm not saying women are property!

I haven't been sexually or otherwise assaulted.

I think that is quite a lot lucky, but also partly trying not to put myself in dodgy situations.

For example I have never been back to a guys room after a night out drinking, I never invited anyone back to mine until I was actually going out with them. I just felt uncomfortable about that kind of thing. I know it's defo not the girls fault in those sexual coercion situations, but if you are both drunk and you go back to a guys flat then there is more chance of something bad happening than if you go home to your own bed, alone.

But then, that attitude in itself is also a poor reflection on society because really I should have been able to go back with a guy drunk and have a fumble or whatever but with the expectation a line wouldn't be crossed.

Two of my friends have been raped, both, unusually, by strangers an they were violent. One in the UK and one abroad. I don't think they were reported.

Another friend has had multiple sexual assaults to varying degrees. I feel like an awful person for saying this but she sort of accepts she is a Victim and attracts a certain kind of person. She doesn't have the confidence to nip situations in the bud before they develop into something uncool. for example her driving instructor used to rub his hand on her thiegh. If my driving instructor had tried to put his hand on me once, I would have aske him what he was doing, told him to stop and never had another lesson with him. My friend carried on having lessons with the perv and never said 'stop that'.

Meant to say that out of my close female friends, three have been sexually assaulted but me and another four have not. Unwanted advances that were told "no" maybe.

I was raped at 18 and swore i would never let it happen again. The only way i knew how to make sure was to just never say no.

Last month i finally went to the police about it. Im 31

I have been intimately touched on both the Paris metro and the Japanese train.

I was abused when I was 10.

Since I have been an adult though, I have been very fortunate not to have been.

Whois - this is the danger, you see. If you think it only happens if you put yourself in risky situations, then you are pushing part if the blame onto the woman.

Of course you have to be careful and risk aware, but I have never gone back to a man's house, never had a one night stand, and yet I have been assaulted.

5pm on a Wednesday afternoon, at work, driving my boss down a duel carriageway.

3pm on a Saturday afternoon at a friend's house.

Middle of a swimming lesson at school, by a teacher..

Lovely bit of victim blaming there whois

Abusers often go for someone who is vulnerable and has poor boundaries, but the victim is in no way to blame.

There was a similar thread which may be around somewhere still where women talked about small or low key sexual assaults which made for very disturbing reading.

Looks like this one is shaping up to go the same way.

There's been a lot of people flashed at on here.

When I was younger, received wisdom was that flashers were harmless and you should feel sorry for them or laugh it off.

I think now though it's acknowledged that flashers often start this way and then build up to more serious offences.

I think abusive men/sex offenders are prolific. Over a lifetime of ruining women's days/weeks/lives, they learn to judge who has been conditioned to accept it, and who is more likely to object, whether on the spot, or later on to the police/human resources/etc.

I read somewhere about a study that showed women who walk with an 'uneven gait' are more likely to be targeted.

That's weird!

I think you're right Jessie.

Btw don't want to infer that people who have laughed off or don't feel disturbed by flashers are "in the wrong".

If people aren't disturbed by it that's good.

if you read all the posts on here you will see that most of the abuse has happened when we were young. when you are growing up your confidence with your body and yourself as a person grows (if allowed to) but sadly some feel it is ok to take advantage

they do seek out those they know they can take advantage of, young women and girls because they are in a position of power, the intimidation just by being physically larger and stronger, the its only a bit of fun manipulation, there are many way an abuser will take advantage and it is always in their control they do not have to what they are doing they choose to

I think the uneven gait thing refers to someone wandering about looking a bit lost or maybe unsure of where they are going.

Predators may pick up on that.

Blistory Why do those who haven't experienced this kid of thing consider yourselves lucky ? Surely your experiences should be normal ?

this is exactly what I think. I do not consider myself luck not to have been abused or had any unwanted sexual attention- I would just think that was normal. Normal for me to go about my business un-groped or unmolested!

I think it is truly horrific that so many women/girls have been abused and treated this way. I in no way think they are to blame or that it is their fault.

I would not ever say or think that I have been 'lucky' not to have been abused etc. I just think of it as my normal, no luck involved. I think it should (although I appreciate that it is not the case) be normal to not be abuse or molested or raped. and it is my norm.

I believe each and everyone of you, and I am so sorry for what you have gone through and survived.