to feel that most females have been the victim of some kind of sexual abuse?

[SoleSource]

AIBU?

I was very nearly raped by a taxi driver. Also my cries of NO have been ignored on a couple of occasions.

Moomie is does not sound dramatic at all what happened to you was horrible who has the right to do that to you. Its how you feel about what happened and how it made you feel that is important to deal with

I just feel as women we have had to put up and shut up for so long it makes me really angry and sad and if we do complain it is often met with ah well some men are just pervy

A boy at school flashed at us a few times, we were 12/13 he was much older looking than most in our year. Even before that there was something menacing about his behaviour. When he was 11 the teacher caught him with some porno magazines his father was called up to school our teacher was so angry and his father said so what he had given them to him. I often wonder what sort of man has he grown up to be

Only one incident, having sex with BF and he tried to have anal sex with me without my consent. Feeling fortunate that this was the only incident
and sorry for what everybody else has been through and angry that it is so prevalent.

Blistory because this is a very charged subject, and it is so, so, so easy to come across as victim-blaming otherwise. I sat typing and then backspacing for ages, because every time it sounds as if I was blaming other women. So I used "lucky".

That is happens at all is too much but I think 'most' is (thankfully) too strong

My brother used to ''accidentally'' brush his hand across my breasts but over time he got more confident and went to actually grabbing them. He also used to push me on to the ground and put his foot on my vagina, sometimes even penetrating me with his toe.

I went to my parents and told them and they spoke to him but seemed to accept his story that it was all accidental. I'd never felt so let down by them. It did make my brother stop though. I was about 12/13, brother would have been 15.

I hadn't thought about this in years, I feel all icky now.

In some ways, MN is skewed: towards women seeing reality and not accepting that it's our fault for being sexually assaulted!

You'll get a much higher proportion of women feeling able to share their experiences on this site, unlike other sites.

YANBU really but its more likely to be a lot than most.. i hope..

I don't know why its not reported, but going from my own experience, i think most of us internalise it, not wishing to upset our parents, spouse, ect. The feeling of shame sometimes of admitting that sometimes the 'abuse' doesn't feel that bad, sometimes even pleasurable (i know i'm sticking my neck out here) the threats made by the abuser, the attention is sometimes nice, the grooming, if you come from a family that doesn't give a hoot about you, you feel unloved.
You may feel like you won't be believed, that the old 'because i'm an adult and you're a child' thing. Adults, when you're little, seem to collude. Talk over you, get on well, and children are a nuisance, a pest to be left with a babysitter..

The other thing my mum used to say to me is 'I've got eyes in the back of my head' I used to look at her in wonderment trying to work out how she knew i'd had the last bit of chocolate, but later on it was 'does she know i've been abused..does she care..does she think i'm a horrible person' by the way she treated me sometimes i guess i thought as a child the answer must be yes.

Its all very complex, everyone has their own reasons for not coming forward and naming an abuser. As you get older you just protect your own children, hope it doesn't happen to them, you wouldn't discuss what had happened to you because it's locked away in the 'too painful to deal with' box, at the back of your mind. If you do, and you're like me (spoke to ExP about it and he asked 'were you provocatively dressed/acting in a certain way/flirting?' ) and after that i hid it back away.. then he used it against me in an argument.. i was a 'slag' who had slept with a married man at the age of 12 :(

I feel so sorry for women, and men, living with this and thank god for anonymity on here which enables a lot of them to talk about what has happened to them in a relatively safe and supportive environment.

Bit got left off.

"So I don't think this thread demonstrates a skewed sample of assault incidences. I think it's representative of women in Britain."

Plus, my dh had his crotch grabbed by man in a nightclub.

Plus my mum. When she was 11 my grandma (wonderful but scatty) was late picking her up from school, so she started to walk home. This was the late 50's. A man stopped his van, and took her into some bushes, and made her lie down with him and hold his penis. She says she doesn't know how she escaped, but she did and carried on walking home, where my grandma met her in the car. She considers herself lucky to be alive.

She was also flashed at whilst walking the dog with my baby sister.

She also worked in an office where the manager sexually harrassed all the women - arse slapping etc. It was all considered a joke apparently.

A friend of mine was sexually assaulted in the supermarket recently. She's in her 40's and was carrying her toddler at the time

So what needs to be done then because it has to change ?

Too true. This represents woman in Britain, who finally are not trapped in the unspeaking zone.

I agree, TheBigJessie. I also think that there has been a lot of soul searching over many threads that means that actually naming THAT incident as bang out of order is more likely by posters on here, than elsewhere. I find the "that's men for you" attitude elsewhere on the net and irl deeply distasteful.

Anyway, I reckon 5 years of legal tasers for women might just teach a lesson that is long overdue. Unless anyone's got any other ideas. Because not-my-nigel and not-my-little-nigel head in the sand stuff has not got us very far. I don't reckon these incidents are all in the distant past.

I also recently realised that I got a lot more of this threatening behaviour towards me when I was younger, I looked young I was also less confident and I think these men sensed that and my vulnerability. The more confident I became the less harassment I got

i'd love to see every low level assault like the arse slapping and groping, the lewd comments challenged. Could you imagine if every child or woman turned and loudly shouted out what had just happened like in the work place, the street, the bus, the supermarket and made that person responsible, especially in public. guess it would be a start. We need to get women and children shouting out and getting angry and confident.

I've had something happen. But i don't want to write about it. If i write about it it will make it real :(

So - another name to the list.

I don't know. I am certain that children need to feel entitled to personal space, but that's my personal experiences. If a bloke started frotting himself against me now in a queue, I would, without question, react. But it took years of being a teenage girl who didn't want to make a fuss to get here. Same for lots of us, I think.

I want our daughters to feel goddamn entitled to respect from childhood. Not from their twenties or early-forties!

Why is the onus on the women to solve it ? Shouldn't we asking men to solve this ? I don't want to have to pick some guys hand off my ass and hold it up to embarrass him and draw attention to myself. I want him not to touch my ass in the first place.

It would be nice to see a campaign focused on men, 'Bring your sons up to respect women and girls. Thank you.'

I was just saying to my DH yesterday that every one of my female friends have encountered some kind of sexual assault. He was shocked and slightly disbelieving I think. Weirdly, he had forgotten (but remembered when I reminded him) about one occassion when I was groped in the street by a stranger whilst with my DH - who ran after the bloke and confronted him but he of course denied it.

I was groomed from age 12 by a 18 year old neighbour who I never said no to but was never comfortable with what we were doing. He had sex with me when I was 14. I only ever did anything with him to please him not because I wanted to do them myself.

I had to fight off an older boy I had only just met in a friend's house when we were left alone for a few minutes. He tried to force himself on me, and called me names when I managed to get away. I was 13.

I have been groped in the street twice. Also been flashed/wanked at in a park on a weekend morning - it was aimed at me and my friend (in our twenties at the time) but there were young children around who could see. Had abusive phone calls too.

That's all I can think of for now. And I reckon I've got off pretty lightly compared to some.

We believe you fluffy .

I agree Linerunner but some people abuse regatdless of how their parents/guardians etc have guided them.

Yes agree totally op. I was touched as a child by the school taxi driver and basically raped by a boyfriend at 17.

Never reported. Also been lunged at and groped.

My dds have been brought up very differently suffice to say.

They are extremely kick ass and have been bolstered self esteem wise by their older brothers to take no shit from lads.

Fingers crossed, very good post but truly sad not shocking.

Thank you soul. It means allot.

TheBigjessie, yes yes excellent post..

Fluffy, just hugs xx