Please tell me I'm being unreasonable

[mollysmum82]

Weird things keep happening to me and I know I'm being ridiculous, it would just be nice to have some sense shaken into me!

I am a catholic but I'm considering a cofe school. The reasons are

1.its a lovely lovely school with fab head, great facilities, nice feel to it etc

1. It has a Christian feel to it in terms of the 'be kind to others' ethos... But

1. Doesn't have the same 'strictness' as a catholic school in terms of the child having to attend mass, do the sacraments. It's inclusive, takes children of all faiths and studies all faiths as part of RE.

Its undersubscribed so we'd stand a good chance of getting in, as opposed to the secular schools around us which are all oversubscribed.

I liked the catholic schools I looked at but nowhere near as much as this school.

But the sense of guilt I'm feeling over it not being catholic is enormous. I keep thinking of what my gran would think as I promised her I would become a catholic before she died.

Strange things keep happening to me and I don't know whether it's the guilt, a bit of pnd

No, well this CofE school wouldn't do the same things as a Catholic school because it isn't. It might be better because it does things differently. Get over your guilt/prejudice! It's like you feel it's second class just because it's not Catholic. Would you seriously act to please someone else rather than what is in your kids' best interests??

Thanks everyone. No no I promise im not prejudiced at all, the guilt is through making a promise to my gran not because I think it's second class, like I say I could have gone either way religion wise. But you're right about putting the kids above my guilt. It's ridiculous really when I read this back. I was just getting freaked out and anxious about all these 'signs'.

Really pleased to hear you are feeling more reassured, Molly. Good luck with your decision.

Thanks again for all your help on this everyone. I was reading it back to myself as I had a few more 'signs' recently that were worrying me:

• my aunt was diagnosed with cancer last year and was only given 3 months to live :( but miraculously she has recovered really well and it's now a year on. I received a text from her the other day to say her tumour had reduced half the size and the second after I had a phonecall from a prospective catholic primary. It was as if I was getting a sign saying 'if you choose me good things will happen'

• we have a screen saver on our home pc with dictionary definitions (extremely nerdy I know!) I swear every time it comes on when i'm doing school research I get catholic words (most of which I have to look up). I actually had a (jokey) go at dh, accusing him of setting the dictionary to 'religious phrases' just to freak me out :)

• I did a good deed at the Catholic Church attached to a prospective school (I'd rather not say what!) and the exact same deed was done to me the next day

• when I took dh to look at the lovely lovely cofe school the snow had stopped two days before, but it came back and we couldn't make it over the hill

Does anyone think that any of these are really signs? Or are they just weird coincidences? I looked up pnd and was worried to see that when you get post natal psychosis it often has religious undertones. My dreams have just got worse - I dreamed that Jesus on statue my gran gave me was becoming unscrewed at the feet. Then I dreamed that me and dh attended a pope visit but he ended up being an imposter and the cathedral was hit and exploded by 2 missiles in the sky! Wtf??!

This has all freaked me out so much I've stopped going to catholic mass. And I feel do guilty I've stopped going to the lovely cofe toddler group we used to attend :( so I spend my Sundays feeling depressed.

I posted on a catholic forum about some of this and I was told I was making a mockery of the catholic faith (and therefore my Gran I guess) by having dd baptised but not educating her in a catholic school.

My soul just feels in a twist now and I feel I can't do right whatever I choose. Please help?

Thanks nightlurker, I really appreciate you replying and you're thought process is a great idea.

I should probably go to the doctor. I think pnd, my Aunty being sick and then losing my (only 64 year old) mum this Christmas had messed with my mind a bit.

You've been through the wringer lately, haven't you? New baby, losing your mum, having to think about school. Poor you.

Well done on deciding to go to the doc. Could you show your doc this thread? At least talk about all of it, including the dreams and signs, everything you've been through.

Come back and tell us all about it. Many of us have been through quite serious mental health problems and come out the other side, so you have a friendly ear here (not that you necessarily have, iyswim...we are just sympathetic).

What about your dh? Can you talk to him about it?

Get some sleep if you can (I know it's not easy with a little baby!). The little events you described were not signs. You feel unsure about what decision to make and are searching every little thing for answers. It's a bit irrational (meant nicely) and is probably down to stress and sleep-deprivation.

Your gran loved you and you made a promise to her - and not, as other posters have said, about your kids.

In the long run religion doesn't matter as much as teaching your kids to be kind, hard-working, empathic, cheerful, thoughtful.

Hope you can get some support. Maybe a chat with your GP if you think that might help?

Sorry, x posts. Good idea to visit your doctor. Sounds like you've been through a great deal recently.

Btw your dreams suggest to me that maybe Catholicism isn't perhaps right for you. You are allowed to choose to worship in your own way. You promised your gran at an emotive time. But she loved you and would want the best for you - which is to be well, and happy.

Don't feel tied to this decision. You can't promise to be a catholic for anyone else. It has to be your decision or it won't feel right and it sounds like it doesn't feel right for you.

But the most important thing is for you to get some support.

CofE and Catholic are so close in what they beleive that it doesn't make much difference. Go to the school where you think your child will be happiest

You can always take additional RE lessons outside of school to put your mind at rest

I've been reading through this and am very glad to get to your post that says you'll go to the doctor. I would worry that you are seeing these as signs because of PND and so the school thing has become the focus of everything. When do you need to make school decisions by? Is there any way to leave it for a short time to get everything else sorted?

I know FOR A FACT that Jesus doesn't prescribe what school you go to as a measure of your faith OR your denomination (well he didn't have denominations but that's a different story). Where you are educated has NO relation to the validity of your Catholic beliefs. You mentioned that you had PND, I am sorry you are going through this but remember that you are still being a brilliant mum making choices that are best for your child's future with regards to education and seperate choices about the doctrine of faith you teach them and the denomination of church you attend.

As for those who say you are making mockery of the faith re baptism, remind them that Jesus himself was baptised as an adult, and not one of the apostles were educated in Catholic school. Their accusations are not scriptural. All the signs you spoke about sound a bit like when you are trying to get pregnant and everybody you meet is pregnant/having babies and every TV show is about pregnancy/having babies. What I mean is when your mind is fixed on an idea, sometimes your brain makes connections that aren't a true reflection. Going to the doctor sounds like a great idea x

Thank you all ever so much for your kind posts, you've made such a difference, it's nice to talk about it and feel someone cares.

I'm really scared to talk to dh about it. Last time I had pnd it nearly ended our marriage - he said it made me hard to love :( so I'm trying to hide it as best I can.

Although I know I should probably go to the doctors I am reluctant. I'm not someone who talks about my feelings or asks for help normally (in real life). I plucked up the courage to go to the Gp though after months of pnd last time with dd. the Gp confirmed I had pnd and said I'd need an antidepressant but he told me I'd have to stop breast feeding. And dd was only 10 months, with a cows milk allergy so I didn't go back to the doctors in the end.

And to make matters worse they didn't take me seriously when dd was critically ill because I had pnd on my records. She had a year of hospital admissions, nebulisers and oxygen due to breathing difficulties but the first time it happened the doctor admitted he hadn't taken it seriously because he thought I was just over anxious due to that one pnd appointment.

I am glad it has helped, but it really sounds like you need to see a GP about this as you might need antidepressants.

This leaflet about BFing and antidepressants might be helpful for you in case they suggest stopping again:

www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/pdfs/dibm/anti%20depressants%20_and_Breastfeeding_Jan_2013-%20wj.pdf

Hope things settle down for you.

we are catholic and my daughter goes to a c of e school( and to mass on Sunday). We live in a village with a fantastic c of e primary vs a 9 mile trip to catholic primary. In the end religion is only a part of the decision. I think we get the best of both worlds and enjoy harvest festivals and christingle etc which c of e much better at. Good luck with your choice.

Agree with Bartlet and many other posters that you should go to the doc.

Sometimes posting about it online can make you feel like you have addressed the problem but really ...you must see a doctor in real life.

And you can ask for CBT as well, they should be able to refer you for that urgently to reduce waiting time.

Surely this agonising you are going through over one Christian denomination over another, is sufficient proof to see the downside of Catholic indoctrination (guilt) for your kids?

I write this as an atheist so feel free to ignore. In your shoes I would choose the best school educationally/socially/emotionally for your child.

Sorry didn't see the PND stuff before I posted. Definitely get some medical help.

Hello OP how are you feeling now? I know it's difficult but please speak to your DH, he would not want to think of you getting upset like this and keeping it all to yourself. And please speak to GP. That is how you can get through these anxieties. X

OP am so sorry I take back my post, I've just read the whole thread. So, so sorry. Will ask for it to be deleted. I just angry about catholism as it has had a profoundly negative effect on my family, due to my granddad using it as a stick to beat his kids with. I truly apologise and hope you can talk to you DH.

Choosing schools is about getting the best education for your child, not trying to indoctrinate them with your own brand of supernatural beliefs. I'm sure if they think Catholicism is the way to go they'll follow it themselves when they grow up without drumming it into them as a young child.

zwischenzug, read the whole thread before coming out with unhelpful and judgemental statements like that!