Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

AIBU to think it's really stupid and pointless when people lie about their age

64 replies

BenandBolly · 03/10/2012 20:08

I just got a automatic reminder of a friends birthday that said "Annabel is 30 today" but the thing is she's not she's 33. She also claims to be 3 years younger on her facebook and her husband even wrote Happy 30th on her page The thing is her facebook is full of old school friends including me so it's not like we don't know.

AIBU to not really understand why people do this?

Disclaimer: This is meant to be light hearted after all the terrible news at the moment.

OP posts:

Helltotheno · 03/10/2012 20:26

I won't agree or disagree with you OP but I will say that I don't think someone's age should be up for public consumption if they don't want it to be. I actually can't think of anything ruder than an adult bluntly asking another adult his/her age... rude, rude, rude...
Isn't it bad enough having to give it to doctors and insurance companies?!?

quirrelquarrel · 03/10/2012 20:26

If you were at school with her, why don't you just post "No you're not, you're 33".

that's pretty nasty! esp. on her birthday. Why does the OP have to be the one to teach her the life lesson?

My mum could easily lie about her age, she looks really good. I think much better than she did at 30, although everyone says she was amazingly gorgeous when she was young. I'm sure she was....but she looks better now than in the pictures I've seen. Weirdly enough it's the times she thinks she looks bad that I think she looks best. But she has enough self confidence for it not to matter to her. At least, it seems that way.

Helltotheno · 03/10/2012 20:34

She doesn't need teaching a lesson!! If she wants to put that she's 21 on FB, what is it to anyone else?

MarysBeard · 03/10/2012 20:40

If you were at school with her, why don't you just post "No you're not, you're 33"

Exactly what I would do. "Thirty! Has there been a three year time slip? :)"

But if it was one of my friends, I would assume they were not being entirely serious anyway...

SarryB · 03/10/2012 20:47

I know a chap who will not reveal his age, I've tried to trick him into it on many occasions! I think he's 40 (or close to it), but just will not reveal how old he is! I think it is so stupid.

doorbellringer · 03/10/2012 20:48

I believe you should add years as soon as possible then people always say "you look amazing for your age" I am 31 but tell people (nosey gits) I am 36. Why not? Ask a silly question....

carabos · 03/10/2012 20:48

I wouldn't lie about my age but I wouldn't necessarily go out of my way to correct someone who had made a wrong assumption .

However XH and his current wife both lie about their age, including to other family members. XH has actually gone as far as telling his nieces that he is older than their father - not only is their father older than him, XH is the youngest of several siblings . It's very odd.

My DM lied about her age to me for donkeys years because she didn't want me to figure out that she was only 16 when I was born. I only worked it out the other day recently because tbh it's not something I had given much thought to.

quirrelquarrel · 03/10/2012 20:48

I know. I was just trying to see it the way Misty was. Usually people who get uptight over things like this think that they should be responsible for putting things right. And yeah OP you're uptight re: this 'situation'.

TwistyBraStrap · 03/10/2012 20:53

I tell everyone that I'm 12, and I've had a very hard life

TheFarSide · 03/10/2012 20:54

YANBU

If we lie about being younger than we are, we are contributing to the belief that ageing is an undesirable state to be ashamed of or embarrassed about.

NowThenNowThen · 03/10/2012 20:54

The thing is, people are judged on their age. For example, at 35 I dont own a house or a car. Where I live this is very unusual for someone my age. People judge you to be a bit weird, or possibly a loser for not achieving what you are "meant" to achieve by a certain age.
Most people seem to think I am younger than I am. I don't ever mention my age, or ask anyone elses. I have friends who are 25, and friends who are 50. It doesn't matter to me.
My age is nobody's business but mine, and my doctors.

Original poster

BenandBolly · 03/10/2012 21:06

quirrelquarrel
"And yeah OP you're uptight re: this 'situation'"
Umm, it's meant to be lighthearted

OP posts:

ChocolateIsAFoodGroup · 03/10/2012 21:12

Reminds me of the Oscar Wilde line (hope I am remembering this correctly.....) 'Admitting to 35 with pink lampshades'

Actually, I think the thing to do is to pretend to be older than you are, then everyone will think you look amazing for your advanced age.....

ChocolateIsAFoodGroup · 03/10/2012 21:14

Sorry doorbellringer - see you have had the self-same brilliant idea! (Should read thread more closely before posting.....)

smoothieooo · 03/10/2012 21:16

I can completely understand why people do it. In fact... I might knock a few years off myself when I'm ready to go down the dating path again. Can't bear to be pre-judged for being early 40's when I don't feel it

mamhaf · 03/10/2012 21:26

I have a relative who does this. She claims we all benefit because it makes us all younger!

Mintyy · 03/10/2012 22:03

"If we lie about being younger than we are, we are contributing to the belief that ageing is an undesirable state to be ashamed of or embarrassed about."

Exactly, TheFarSide.

How stupid it is. And I don't believe for a moment there is anyone on this earth who genuinely looks more than about 5 or 6 years younger than they actually are, so what is the bloody point?

It is immature, silly and vain.

Helltotheno · 03/10/2012 23:00

It is immature, silly and vain

It's a person's own prerogative not to reveal their age. If you're wound up about that, you have the problem.

And NowThenNowThen you're absolutely right, we live in a very ageist society where people's attitude towards you can change visibly depending on what they find out your age is, I've seen this happen. You can be chatting away to someone, equal to equal, and they suddenly find out you're older than them and it's conversation over...
If someone doesn't want their age being everyone's property, it's entirely up to them.

I don't give a jot what someone's age is, I approach them person to person, their age is an irrelevance.

In the nicest possible way OP, get a life

geegee888 · 03/10/2012 23:01

I'm tempted to sometimes, but I just generally don't say my age unless asked directly. Reason being (not wishing to stealth boast) I do look very young for my age and am generally mistaken for being 12-15 years younger (am also small). However it even happens on the phone so it must be my voice too. I really do get some very upset, strange reactions when I tell people I'm 37, its so awkward and embarrassing I just don't like to do it. I've even been accused of lying when saying my real age and I can see from some people's reactions they clearly thought I was lying and giving me some very strange looks. Its not nice!

Worse still if I was dating. I remember being single a few years ago and often being mistaken for 23/24, and then guys can't get out of chatting you up quick enough when you say you're 34! Horrible, just horrible.

Helltotheno · 03/10/2012 23:11

I really do get some very upset, strange reactions when I tell people I'm 37

Exactly this. I've had this too and it's really offputting and actually upsetting, as if you did it deliberately FFS!! There are plenty of people out there who judge things based on age, even who they speak to...

amandine07 · 03/10/2012 23:19

Geegee88 I'm a bit like that in the sense that I don't generally ask someone's age, I may secretly wonder their age but would never ask them directly.

By contrast people have asked me my age especially at work, I do look young for my age and I do get some incredulous looks of disbelief, people saying that I'm actually making it up! Argggh this sounds like a terrible stealth boast...

It doesn't upset me when people ask my age but I do feel uncomfortable, mainly because I know what their reaction will be. The thing is, I'm not ashamed of my age- which is 34- all my school friends are this age so I'm not some oddity.

A good friend who is the same age has definitely had that reaction when meeting men- literally they start backing away when they realise she is the other side of 30, she looks young for her age too.

Actually, what pees me off is the dismissive attitudes from some male friends I know- when they show interest in a woman I know they are all enthusiastic until I say their age e.g. Post-30 yrs and their reaction is to recoil & say "that is too old for me"

Hmmm I think this says more about some of the guys I know- very immature!

doorbellringer · 03/10/2012 23:21

That's ok chocolateisafoodgroup the older we (prematurely) get the wiser we get!

catwomanlikesmeatballs · 03/10/2012 23:59

I don't get why people pretend to be younger unless they actually look very young, why would you want to look rough for your supposed age? It would make more sense to add ten years so that people can be amazed at how good you look.

ErrorError · 04/10/2012 00:06

I had a flatmate who we all thought was 21, but one time his driving license dropped out of his wallet. My other flatmate found it (as 1st flatmate had gone out) and we looked at the birth date (nosey parkers) - he was actually 28! I can sort of see why he might have not wanted to feel like the oldie amongst a load of 20-21 year olds, but discovering the truth only amused us more, which is exactly the reaction he probably didn't want. Ironically we wouldn't have batted an eyelid if he'd said he was 28 to begin with. How odd.

Noqontrol · 04/10/2012 00:16

My mum did this for years. To me and my siblings. She knocked ten years off her age and so for most of our life we thought she was ten years younger than she was. We only found out 6 years ago when she got breast cancer and couldnt hide her age at hospital appointments. ( reception tended to ask for dob to identify her, and we all eavesdropped).
It was very hard, I love and adore her to bits, but myself and my siblings wish she hadn't lied.

Flip

1 2 3