to be insulted by charity leaflet being used as my birthday card?

[downtonscullery]

My DH has a very difficult relationship with his family. His parents are what you would describe as toxic and his sister always takes their parents side. His parents have actually come out and told me that they dislike me (one reason being because I work and they think I should be at home fulltime with the dcs). As a result we rarely see DH's parents or his sister.

Anyway, it was my birthday last week and a card came from my SIL. Except it wasn't a birthday card it was a charity leaflet from a famous charity with information about how you can donate, the work they do etc. Inside she'd written happy birthday. I was a bit puzzled when I opened it and saw it had been used as my birthday card and thought to myself 'well I wish she hadn't bothered!' but that was it.

Yesterday a friend came round and saw the leaflet and was shocked, said I should feel insulted that SIL thought all I was worth was a charity leaflet for a card when you can buy cheap birthday cards. Now I think about it I am feeling a bit put out. I'd rather she hadn't sent anything rather than re-using a leaflet. Ironically what do you think came in the post today? Yep a leaflet from the same charity complete with its own envelope, pen, bookmark and coaster. She'd obviously received the same pack in the post and re-used.

I'm now thinking about returning the leaflet to SIL with a note saying something along the lines of 'I am insulted you have sent me this, in future don't bother'. AIBU to do this??

The cheapest birthday card is fine if the picture on the front is carefully chosen; & a homemade card can have more thought put into it than a bought card.

But unless you know the giver of a free charity birthday card is usually a tightwad / very skint / too ill to buy or make a card; then it is just insulting.
Better not to get a card.

Don't waste energy getting upset; this woman sounds like a total cow who is not worth it.

well I'm afraid I ignored the advice to do nothing, as the more I thought about it the more annoyed I got. What an insulting thing to do. I would not do this to anyone. If I thought so little of someone I just wouldn't send them a card, at all. The fact she thinks a freebie charity leaflet is acceptable to send to someone for their birthday is not on.

Probably will regret it but have posted the "card" back to her with a note. It's made me feel better anyway

It depends whether it was a charity freebie card - meant to be used as an actual card, or a flyer for the charity.

If the former I'd say you are being slightly unreasonable. If the latter, YADNBU.

this sort of thing would just really amuse me, tbh

I would have a good giggle about it with friends.

I would not send back a stroppy message.

YABVU

You weren't bothered until your friend said you should be insulted!!! Sending it back makes you look very petty. Even if you were offended the adult thing to do would be ignor it.

no no no! Dont!

Can you make a charitable donation to this particular charity on her behalf for Christmas?

Say something like "Dear Amy, I was thrilled to discover how much you like XYZ Charity, so I have made a donation to them for Christmas" on the leaflet you just got, wrapped inside a box.

That is, if you DO give each other presents for Christmas. If not, ignore.

I don't like cards, i think it is a waste of the earth natural resources. I don't send Christmas cards but instead i donate the money to charity.

I would love a card like that.

mchappy you'd love a leaflet from a charity giving information about donations, the work it does etc being given to you as a birthday card. Really?? In that case I'll happily send it to you....

Downton - I think your SIL will be the one feeling insulted here.

She remembered your birthday and she sent you a card and you have thrown it back in her face!

The Humanity Rose card from the British Red Cross may not be everyone's cup of tea, but it is designed to be used and that is what she has done.

Agree with McHappy that cards can be such a waste of money and resources.

Get her a goat for Christmas. As she's obviously very into charity.

OP can you clarify that this was a printed information leaflet, rather than the blank greetings card with a rose design that other posters are familiar with?

If it was a leaflet, I would have thought she was better off sending you a text or e-card; stamps are expensive!

I think YANBU to be irritated but responding is completely pointless.

The OP didn't say it was a card. She said it was a 'charity leaflet' with Happy Birthday written inside.

Well, she was toxic before and she will still be toxic now so it doesn't really matter what you do.

But the card does have all the information she mentioned on the back and in the original post she says

" Ironically what do you think came in the post today? Yep a leaflet from the same charity complete with its own envelope, pen, bookmark and coaster. "

tbh i wouldn't care if it was a back of a cereal box, i only recycle birthday cards apart from the ones i keep is my nieces as they sit down and make them using old pieces of paper, cardboard packaging ect.

I understand why it wasn't a diplomatic thing for SIL to do...but I don't think you should take offence. I received a new baby card that was from a charity notelet set. And I thought it was great. It's ethical and it's the way our society should be moving.

And they're not leaflets! They're far too pretty to be described in those terms.

Come on OP - was it a Humanity Rose card? If so then it's a bit offhand (I use them for thank you notes but not for actual birthday cards) but it is not an insult - let's face it she hadn't previously been posing as your bestest buddy had she? Let it go.

Wait till her birthday, then send her a "card" fashioned from a crisp packet.

Yes! Do this ^^^ !!

Or use that weird orange netting you get with oranges.

if it is the red cross one it is a card and intended to be used as one the pack does not come with a leaflet in it it contains a letter

I would defo send a massive thankyou,kill her with niceness.
However,I have been sent that charity pack and felt too guilty to throw them away so kept them maybe to use if I needed to send a little note or thank you.But in this case it does sound as if she is being a tad bitchy.

YABU if it is the red cross card as they are quite nice and why shouldn't she use it. Hate the trend for people to send expensive cards for every and any little thing as though saying the more you spend and the more cards you send means something. At least she remembered.

Op yanbu your sil was being spiteful and rude!

I was thinking the same as Quintessential if you do Christmas presents then make a donation in her name instead of a present, one present sorted!

What Begonia (and others) have said. There's far too much waste involved in sending cards anyway, might as well use a charity one like this.