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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable to think that 7 is too young for sleepovers?

43 replies

smallwalker · 03/10/2012 10:03

My daughter has just turned 7 and already friends are organising sleepovers and most of the other girls are still only 6!
It just seems too young to spend the night at a non-family members house.
I'm not sure how to handle it if she is invited and wants to go as I'm really not comfortable with it and to me it feels inappropriate at this age. However, all the other mums are happy with it, and I don't want my daughter to feel left out.
Am I the only one who feels this is just too young?

OP posts:

CuriousMama · 03/10/2012 10:04

What is it that worries you about this? I only have dss and they didn't do sleepovers at this age, neither did I. It seems things happen at a much younger age nowadays?

I wouldn't have let mine unless it was my closest friends or family.

Portofino · 03/10/2012 10:06

I think 7 is fine as long as your dd wants to go. Mine went off pony riding (organised trip) for a week at that age and was perfectly fine.

charlottehere · 03/10/2012 10:06

YANBU to feel this way. DD (nearly 8) has only been to 1 sleep over she came home at 9 PM

MrsRhettButler · 03/10/2012 10:06

I don't allow my daughter sleep overs at all and she is nearly 7, this isn't because of age, its because don't like the idea of her sleeping in a house where I don't know what goes on.
She sleeps over at cousins, godmothers house and my mums though so I don't have the worry that she's missing out.

When other mums at school mention it I just say we don't do sleepovers. (I don't do playdates either but I guess that's another thread!)

CuriousMama · 03/10/2012 10:07

Just asked dp and he said he wouldn't have let dsd sleepover at that age.

charlottehere · 03/10/2012 10:08

Why don't you do playdates mrsR nosey

ChiefOwl · 03/10/2012 10:09

My dd loves sleepovers, these started in yr2 really. I am happy for her to go and loves having them here... I know all the mums from school. I am a guider and we do sleepovers at Brownies (age 7-10) the rainbows do them too and they are (5-7!) . When they get to year 5 the have a week long residential at school, this just builds them up to it and gives them confidence I think. If girls go to guides they do week long camps (age 10-14) and I'm sure scouting is the same.

What are your concerns?

smalltown · 03/10/2012 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

waterlego6064 · 03/10/2012 10:10

YANBU because you feel how you feel and that's how it is.

However, I don't have a problem with it. My DD (7) has had one sleepover with a friend, and her brother (4) went too! (The parents were doing us a favour so we could go out for the evening and have a late night/lie in). DD is going there again soon for a birthday sleepover. We have also had DDs friends here to stay. We've only had one here at a time because I wouldn't want loads of them here at once but if other parents are willing to have a group of them over, it's fine by me. Hasten to add that the family our DD has stayed with are people we know fairly well.

twooter · 03/10/2012 10:10

My dd7 goes to sleepovers, but I know the friends' families well. She really enjoys it, although we are prepared to pick her up if she wants to come home at all, and she knows that.

miaowmix · 03/10/2012 10:11

I don't think it's inappropriate, DD and her friends are mad for sleepovers (she's 5) and she's done a few, but I wouldn't assume all children would like them at this age.
I am v good friends with the parents though, perhaps that makes a difference?

seeker · 03/10/2012 10:11

Why on earth wouldn't you if your child wants to? What's inappropriate about it?

twooter · 03/10/2012 10:11

Ie, YABU, in thinking that 7 is too young, but YANBU not to let your dd, if you don't want her too.

irishchic · 03/10/2012 10:12

YANBU. I also just tell other parents that we dont do sleepovers, my oldest is 11 now, and has grumbled a bit from time to time but has largely just accepted that this is one of the things she cant do. I dont believe that she is missing out, she gets to do everything else she wants.

I just dont like the idea of my kids up half the night in someone else's house, often someone i may not know that well, what games they might be playing, x box, facebook, internet etc Other parents have differing ideas on what is appropriate viewing, and i might not agree with that. Each to their own, i am not criticising their parenting choices, just dont want to expose my kids to them.

jkklpu · 03/10/2012 10:13

What are your concerns, OP? My DS! (6) has done a few and one with ds2 (4).

TroublesomeEx · 03/10/2012 10:13

I wouldn't allow it but only because I'd feel obliged to reciprocate at some point and I can't think of anything worse than over excited 7 year olds squealing and laughing, running around until 1 in the morning and falling out with each other.

Bonsoir · 03/10/2012 10:13

Oh come on, 7 is ancient for a first sleepover.

MrsCarriePooter · 03/10/2012 10:15

DD did one at 4 this summer at a friend from nursery's house. I honestly didn't think she'd do the whole night, I had told her that if she decided at any point she wanted to come home, just to tell her friend's mum and I'd come and get her. She looked at me like I was mad and had a lovely time. She was completely shattered the next day but she'd had a great time (doing lots of things she probably wouldn't do at home but that's not going to kill her for once).

waterlego6064 · 03/10/2012 10:15

I don't really understand the use of the word 'inappropriate' in this context, either.

SlightlyJaded · 03/10/2012 10:23

My DD (7) has been doing (non family) sleepovers since she was about 5. Only occasionally and only with good family friends where I have an actual friendship with the parents, rather than a 'playground chat only' relationship.

I know their homes, habits and morals and have no problem at all. DS (5) had his first the other week.

DD has also done the annual school sleepover.

YANBU to have a stand point and stick to it, but I don't think 7 is too young, as long as you know the family. Sooner or later they will do a school trip or have to stay somewhere for some reason and it's no bad thing to know that they will do it with happiness and confidence.

Original poster

smallwalker · 03/10/2012 10:27

Thanks for all your comments, maybe 'inappropriate' wasn't quite what I meant. To me it just seems rather young to be staying in another persons home. I don't think it would bother me so much me if it was a school event. I think perhaps its more about feeling under pressure to do something I'm not entirely comfortable with.

OP posts:

Chandon · 03/10/2012 10:27

DS1 did one when he was 9. I reciprocated once. It was fine.

7 still a bit young.

I had a few when I was about 10/11 and I remember absolutely loving them, it is such great fun.

ChiefOwl · 03/10/2012 10:38

If your dd is not bothered fine, but if she is why don't you try having a sleepover at your house for her friends.

scootle · 03/10/2012 10:48

I felt like this. DD did her first when she was 7.5 and all the girls in her year had been doing them for a while. I knew the family really well. She just went to another friend's - I didn't know the family but have met and really like the mum. DD adores going for a sleepover now and we had two friends for her 8th birthday here. They are going to be an occasional treat rather than a regular occurrence though, and there are at least two friends whose houses I don't want her to go to, which is going to be hard to manage.

I think you just do what you feel is right in these circumstances. It really depends on the child and the families.

scootle · 03/10/2012 10:51

And I know what you mean about the pressure. Everyone does things so differently though that you just have to not worry about what people think of you (probably posting on mn is not a great idea!).

DD's friend who came here had never done a sleepover and it was a big deal to her mum (but they know me and trust me, so went for it). DD's other friend has a mobile phone and goes out to the park by herself (aged 8) - DD won't be going to her house for a sleepover because the mum has very different ideas about supervision than I do.

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