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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable to think that 7 is too young for sleepovers?

43 replies

smallwalker · 03/10/2012 10:03

My daughter has just turned 7 and already friends are organising sleepovers and most of the other girls are still only 6!
It just seems too young to spend the night at a non-family members house.
I'm not sure how to handle it if she is invited and wants to go as I'm really not comfortable with it and to me it feels inappropriate at this age. However, all the other mums are happy with it, and I don't want my daughter to feel left out.
Am I the only one who feels this is just too young?

OP posts:

lottiegarbanzo · 03/10/2012 10:56

Whatever you feel comfortable with I suppose but it depends what she wants too and she may feel the odd one out.

I used to stay over at friends' houses a lot from about 7 and they at mine but one at a time. As an only child this was a really important way of extending friendships and preventing boredom (and probably of keeping me entertained for long periods!). Sleepovers as parties with lots of girls are different as they'll all keep each other awake giggling and be tired the next day. Different issue!

RubyFakeNails · 03/10/2012 11:01

I think YABU. Can you explain why its inappropriate, I'm really struggling to think of reasons?

All of my dc have done non-family member/family friend sleepovers from 4 or 5.

I also think if you make out that its a big deal you will give her some sort of complex about it. Meaning she will feel nervous and possibly end up wanting to come home.

areyoutheregoditsmemargaret · 03/10/2012 11:06

My dd started them about 6, if you know the family a bit I can't see why not. She loves them and I think it's helped her gain a lot of confidence

Original poster

smallwalker · 03/10/2012 11:12

RubyFakeNails, I think 'inappropriate' was a bad turn of phrase, and not really what I meant. To me it seems a little young to be staying over at the home of someone who isn't a family member or a close family friend. She is my oldest and it came as a bit of a shock as I didn't think this would start until quite a bit later on. I've not mentioned sleepovers to her as I don't want to give her a complex either! I can remember them being great fun, but I remember being much older at the time.

OP posts:

mertin · 03/10/2012 12:37

Mine's 7 and sleepovers at this age are not the norm round here at all.

Some of my dd's friends are still in pull ups at night.
Mine doesn't sleep through - wakes up at least once a night, sometimes upset.

Maybe I'm overprotective but I won't be rushing into this any time soon.

piratecat · 03/10/2012 12:43

i have to say, that if the child is really up for the sleep over at 7, i would let her.

my dd is also in pullups at night (10) but i won't let that stop her, if that's what she wants to do.
She also has her periods, and as long as she feels she can cope with that i don't let that stop her either. I would say in the latter incident though that i would expect to have a good enough friendship with the adult in the home to be able to tell, so they could help if needed.

My dd was prob 8 on her first sleepover, she simply didn't want to go until then. You soon find out, ie phone calls at midnight becuase of sobbing over tired children!!

TheOneWithTheHair · 03/10/2012 12:47

Dd is 8 and has done non family sleep overs. It was at her best friend's house who happens to live opposite and I'm such good friends with her mum she came up with my mnet name. She's the only rl friend who knows it!

I think I would let her do others as she's very confident but only if I knew the family reasonably well.

Chrysanthemum5 · 03/10/2012 13:12

DS (8) had done lots of sleepovers at family members, he's also had a couple with friends. His first one was when he was almost 5 because he was really keen. However, he didn't really enjoy being away from home at that age so it was a bit early. DD is almost 5 now, and really not interested in sleepovers at all. She will go to her grandparents, but generally she prefers being home. You can't pick an exact age where it would be suitable, it depends on your child.

The DCs would only do sleepovers at houses where I am on very good terms with the parents, and where I'm confident that the DCs would feel able to ask for help if required e.g. getting up in the night for a wee etc.

WhitesandsofLuskentyre · 03/10/2012 13:30

I'd put it off for as long as possible if I were you, having been through sleepover hell too many times mention!

DD1 started the rot for her 8th birthday, but a few of her friends were still 7. Oh god, the tears... X said something mean to Y, who locked herself sobbing in the bathroom, A told B our house was haunted (not true) so A burst into tears and made me ring her mum to come and get her. Another child complained because my house didn't smell like hers (different brand of washing powder on the duvet covers).

At least the tears stopped as they got older, but then the incessant talking and giggling till the wee small hours took over. And the sleep deprivation moods... ugh.

DP has banned them. I only permitted as many as I did because I was a single mum at the time, and DDs seemed to enjoy them.

earthpixie · 03/10/2012 13:37

I don't want my DS (5) doing a sleepover for some time yet. It's not going to harm him in the least to wait, and I don't yet feel easy in my mind about it, so it won't happen until he's a few years older.
I slept at friends' houses loads but not until at least 8 or 9.

HolyAutumnGoldBatman · 03/10/2012 13:41

YABU

mum11970 · 03/10/2012 13:45

My ds (7) has been and has had a sleepover with a friend before, don't see the problem as long as the child is happy about it. My dd (11) and ds (14) are forever having sleepovers. It's rare that they actually stay up really late though.

jellybeans · 03/10/2012 13:53

I let my girls from about 6/7, they were pretty sensible. My boys haven't been yet at 10 but they have never been invited yet, their class doesn't seem to do it. Do boys even have sleepovers? They have been for tea etc and pretty popular but haven't been invited. They have been on cub camps from 7 though so have had plenty of adventure etc. However, I am quite happy as they have had some nasty acidents at some friends houses when not being supervised properly. I would only let them go to people's houses at a young age that didn't let them roam unsupervised/watch 18 films etc.

We have had lots of sleepovers here for older DD's. I don't really like them as it's noisy and they cost money plus I can't lounge about in PJs unless i know them well. This is more the younger ones, older ones with one friend are pretty quiet. But I do them as they are part of childhood fun really so worth abit of hassle not to be the meanie that isn't allowed them! (No offence to people here that don't, it is just what I have heard being said).

Overall then YANBU 7 is too young for some kids and some parents. Go with your gut. Say maybe when you are...10/11/whatever or make excuses.

LemonBreeland · 03/10/2012 13:57

At 7 I would happily let my DC go to sleepovers if I knew the parents reasonably well. If it was just random parents from school I wouldn't be quite so happy about it.

Blu · 03/10/2012 13:57

DS stayed at friends houses from about 6, it was fine, all his friends did it, some for earlier.

As long as you know the family in some way - have picked her up fom playdates / chatted with the mother etc, and have no reason to be concerned, I would be happy if my child was happy and ocnfident about it.

But in the end, it's up to you.

fufflebum · 03/10/2012 14:27

smallwalkerI am completely with you on you're worries and views of sleepovers and have a DD the same age as yours.

I was dreading the whole sleep over thing as DD had been talking about it for ages and I think that 7 is too young for my children to be staying at another families house. This is a reflection on me and DH as much as who DD will be staying with.

Anyway we had an unexpected invite to a sleepover and DD wanted to go so we let her. This was because I was happy with what the other mum told me about who would be there and what we agreed that it was a 'trial' and she could call on us should she need too! Her parents were very understanding and only another child went. DD had a lovely time although she was very tired and grumpy the following day. That said I am pleased that she went as at least now we all know what a sleep over is like (particularly my DD).

I know there will be other invites but I will be taking it on an individual basis depending on what else DD is up too and what is right for us as a family. This may result in a few awkward conversations but that is parenting right? Just because everyone is doing it does not mean it is right or true ( think about the advice we give to teenagers about sex!) I know DD best friend has been having sleep overs for years that is right for her and her family but it has not been right for us.

My advice would be make a decision you are happy with, discuss it with DD and explain the outcome to her and take it from there.

I know what you mean by 'inappropriate' perhaps you do not feel it is 'age appropriate' for your daughter. Whatever words you use it sounds like you are not comfortable with it at the moment.

Good luck xxx

habbibu · 03/10/2012 14:29

Well, you've added in close family friend now. DD has had a few, with parents who are really good friends of ours - took her for a weekend in a caravan once (she's 5) which she loved. But parents I didn't really know? Would be less keen on that.

Minty82 · 03/10/2012 14:37

Do you mean sleepover as in a party, or just staying overnight at a friend's? I can imagine the pyjama party type thing being a bit manic, but if it's just staying at someone's house I don't see the issue. DD's only a baby, but I was definitely staying regularly at friends' houses well before 7.

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