AIBU to think a seven year old should not wear lipstick and nail varnish?

[sammypaws]

Maybe I am being old-fashioned, but I don't think that my SIL should allow my seven year old niece to wear lipstick and nail varnish (in fact she applies it). She has been doing this since she was four/ five years old. I am of the school of thought that children should look like children and not miniature adults - some of the clothes she wears would look more appropriate on someone in their thirties! I think she should be wearing things with animals on them, .

I can't go shopping without DD, so she is there when I shop for clothes, and I am not wasting money on clothes she will not wear. She wears clothes that are appropriate to her age for that time of year, and are bright colours which she likes. What is the issue with that?
I am not trying to be her friend at all. I am being her mum and spending time together. We talk about school, what she has done that week etc. We just happen to paint her nails whilst we do it. It is bonding time together, but she knows I am her mum, and she respects me as such.

Oh and clothes are not a big deal, she just has her sense of style, and I let her be herself. Why control her?
If she wanted to go out in a thong and flipflops, then there would be an issue to deal with. But to date she has chosen jeans and bright tops, or dresses that cover the bits that need covering (with tights and cardigans in winter).

MarysBeard
I don't see how I could stop my DDs wearing makeup, when I wear it. OK I could stop them, but it would be hypocritical.

I hate this sentence - with a passion !! There are PLENTY of things that as adults we can choose to do (drinking, smoking, staying up late etc.) that would not be appropriate for a child to be doing.

My 2 yo ds has been known to attempt to breastfeed a teddy or dog on occasion. Children playact what they see around them, so whether you give them prams or not, you may well find that they play mummies and daddies and babies anyway...

He also has v fetching ice blue fingernails at the moment...

Completely agree thepie, you beat me to it!

why do women wear make-up, because on a purely primal basis they are trying to be more alluring to attract a sexual mate

Or maybe just because they like it?

I think you are taking this way too seriously.

As for dolls and prams not being appropriate for any children - I think you've just persuaded me to give my very first .

Dd nearly 8 wears nail varnish but only in the holidays or weekends if we're going somewhere and she asks for it.

Also ds (2) likes his nails painting, he sees me and dd doing it and wants to join in

I almost never shop for clothes with or without dd. We don't do shopping as a leisure activity. I live in jeans and rarely wear make up. Loads of her clothes are hand me downs. Nice good condition clothes, without silly sequins etc. For example this autumn, she has grown out of her old clothes, so I found 4/5 trousers and 6/7 long sleeved tops and a couple of sweaters from my stash of hand me downs and put them in her drawers. When she gets dressed, she looks at them and says of one top/trousers 'I'm not wearing that, its horrible' and chooses the on she likes.

She, for example, won't wear anything red. Doesn't do skirts, hates tights. If there is a pattern/picture on something, she will only wear it if she likes it. She has very definite tastes. Her tastes are nothing to do with fashion. In fact I have occasionally bought something which I thought was nice and is a bit more up to date (eg leggings under skirt) I thought it was comfy and nice colours. She refused to wear it.

I buy/provide all dd2 clothes, she is 4. Yes I have control over what she wears, but she still has a definite opinion. Some things stay in the drawer. Some mornings I put her clothes out, and she goes and swaps for something else because she doesn't like it. Her tastes are totally different to dd1. Again this is nothing to do with fashion, this is her taste. She loves tourquoise. if there is anythign in her drawer that is that colour she will wear that in preference to anything else. She doesn't like pink, except on the day when she suddenly decides she wants to be pink and roots through the drawer to find something pink.

Of course children have opinions and tastes in their clothes, just like in their toys and their food.
And of course I have influence and set limits and boundaries on what they can and can't wear within reason. But why would I want to say 'no you can't wear turquoise?' or you MUST wear this red thing that I thik you should wear?

Mine (7) has some kid's nail varnish. She got given it for her birthday. She likes playing by putting it on. Don't see what the problem is. Bit like painting really.

'encourage the clothes issue by allowing their children too much choice'

I fail to see what the issue is that I am encouraging. I allow them to choose their clothes out of their drawer and get dressed because I think children should be independent. I don't select my 7 yo clothes every morning. I find it important that she dresses herself. So she has a choice of the clothes in her drawer. And she chooses the things SHE likes.

YABU

I thought I would never let DD wear nail polish etc. . . . Before I had her!

She's now 3 and loves having her toenails painted bright pink and because I don't wear the stuff I had to go out and buy it especially.

Does this mean she's spoilt and I have no boundaries with her. Of course not! It's just something we can have fun doing together. It certainly doesn't stop her getting muddy, climbing and all that other stuff children love to do - its just something else to add to the list.

FWIW I have no idea where she got the idea from as I hardly wear make up and neither do the other significant women in her life and I have no interest in celebrities and don't watch the television.

With clothes, she has a very strong opinion as to what she prefers and I'd rather give her the choice to wear something she likes than waste money on clothes she'll refuse to wear or will cause a huge battle.

At the weekend she went to the park in a purple coat with multi coloured tights, a bright pink tutu, a green long sleeved t shirt with a purple, blue and pink short sleeved one over the top and bright pink trainers. She also had pink fingernails. It didn't stop her climbing, sliding, splashing, digging up mud. In fact, it didn't stop her doing anything. If you can't have fun with clothes at 3 years old when can you?

DS (19 months) also insisted I paint his toenails pink too (obviously because he wanted to emulate all the celebrities he's been exposed to and be seen as more attractive )

I have painted DD 4yo nails for fun when I have painted mine. But I dont like her playing with makeup. She has some kiddy makeup and she smears it all over her face and then needs a bath.

My neighbour's girl has been wearing makeup when she goes out for the past couple of years and she is 8... we were out at a meal one night where the 6 and 8 yo were repeatedly applying lip gloss all night....

She knows my opinions on this. We were at a public function and I said its wrong at 6yo that the girl is going out wearing sparkly eyeshadow, lipstick and mascara..........

It is each to their own, but my personal opinion is that make up is for adults. if it is made for young children, it is to play with, but children should not go out wearing makeup as they are far too young.

My DD aged 5 sometimes puts on blue eye shadow and lipstick and nailvarnish. It does not make her look like a miniature adult. It just makes her look like a little girl messing around with makeup. My older DD seems to have grown out of it for now. It is not on my list of things to worry about.

I would love to hear the reason as to why prams and dolls are not appropriate toys for girls or boys.

As kids we played with some old make up of Mum's and acquired bits of our own.

Sometimes we did proper make up and sometimes we used it as face paint and were aliens and red Indians.

When we weren't putting on long dressed and pinching Mums long boots, we were making and firing pretty dangerous long bows and foreign cap guns.
Yes, we were all girls.

And sometimes, mum would show us how not to look like clowns and put it on for us.
I'm sure she painted our nails too.

Clear, her only nail polish was for stopping runs in tights.

Oh I am worried whether I will cope if dc3 is a girl now! I do get that children will develop in their own way and know some little girls obsessed with pink and jewels/ bags/ shoes who don't get that from their parents at all. But if I have a girl, I really REALLY don't want her to feel in any way that make-up improves her or that she needs it to look pretty or acceptable. And that feeling is behind most use of make up surely? What difficulties may lie ahead!

I totally sympathise with you OP, even though I think there is nothing you can do.

just had a memory of doing face- painting at a school fair and being horrified that so many gorgeous girls ( infant and junior ages) wanted the "princess" face. And were determined that should include white background "foundation" whatever the colour of their skin. They wanted to look pretty and thought the princess face defined pretty. It was horrible.

If you don't like it then i suggest you don't let your own child wear nail varnish and liquid. Its you sil daughter so you have no say at all..... Your not her mother

Ime children do get this stuff from their parents, I had a dd first, I'm not particularly girly or tomboyish, I bought her pink things/dolls, I also bought her go karts and train sets, no actual intention in any purchases.

I don't put make up on every day, I just wear basic clothes, I very rarely put nail polish on. It's pretty obvious that dd has been influenced by this at 9, she has never played with dolls (she has never asked for them) or played with them when supplied.

I'm pretty sure she would be more concerned with her appearance if I was the type of person to spend an hour getting ready each day, putting make up on and doing my hair. It's just common sense, they are very very suggestible and gullible at that age. They do absorb a lot of attitudes by osmosis too.

Nothing wrong with it, but it's daft to think they are not 100% influenced by mostly parents or other significant figures.

You are fighting a losing battle sammypaws, honestly the make up and spray tanning crap my niece was exposed to was obscene (when she was dancing), she is still a lovely intelligent girl, who will do her own thing, despite her deeply shallow mother.

V you should meet me and my dd. I have a buzz cut, she has hair down to her arse, she has one pair of trousers, I have no skirts, she has 'perfume', I've never owned any, she adores make-up, I only wear it for events, maybe 3-4 times a year and even then its just mascara and lip gloss. She has older brothers, a femminist, butch mother and a housefull of train sets, cars, tool kits etc but she only ever plays with mermaids, barbies and polly pocket type toys. It was a windy day when that apple fell from the tree.

My friend has put nail varnish on her dd from the age of 1!

I hate it! I have a DS so it's never been an issue for me.

If I had a 7 year old DD then I don't think I would mind for dress up / mummy daughter time when u mess around with make up etc like me and my mum used to - but the nail varnish would be taken off before leaving the house!

V I have 2 dds. dd1 has never played with dolls, hates barbie, adores anything to do with anilmals. She does like sewing (which I she probably got form me) and doing craft stuff

dd2 is doll obsessed, she has had an imaginary friend called baby since she was small, she went everywhere with a dolls buggy, loves polly pocket barbie etc.

I agree that if they watch you doing make-up they will be more influenced, but children do have their own ideas about things.

and to me there is a major difference between kids messing around with nail varnish or make up as playing/fancy dress (which I just see as part of dressing up, like face paints) and them wearing make up when they go out (as in I want to wear lipstick to the school disco) which I don't like.

And I am totally with you Laqueen about girls in women's clothes. dd1 is in the pre-teen clothes section now and it is really hard to find stuff that is appropriate

Weirdly, I don't mind dd and ds wearing silly colours - blues, greens, yellows, etc as nail varnish when the very occasionally ask, but pink I don't like as to me that's edging into "real" make up territory, as opposed to face-paint-for-the-fingers which is how I see the brighter/less natural stuff; make up often seems to me to be an enhancement to "increase beauty" if you like, and I wouldn't be happy with that, but yellow nail varnish feels more like, I don't know, tiger face paint or some bright beads.

I don't see the harm in doing it in the house. I sometimes have a fun hour with dd testing out new eyeshadows on her and she's only 4. I don't let her out like that and she washes it off before bed. Don't see a problem with nail varnish either. As long as they don't go out caked in make up what's the problem inside the house for fun?