AIBU to think a seven year old should not wear lipstick and nail varnish?

[sammypaws]

Maybe I am being old-fashioned, but I don't think that my SIL should allow my seven year old niece to wear lipstick and nail varnish (in fact she applies it). She has been doing this since she was four/ five years old. I am of the school of thought that children should look like children and not miniature adults - some of the clothes she wears would look more appropriate on someone in their thirties! I think she should be wearing things with animals on them, .

*Development - damn the broken M key!!

YABU

I hate the whole mini model make up look on kids, but there is a huge difference between that and nail varnish.
We do nail varnish during the holidays, it is fun, like dressing up. I am totally not girlie, rarely wear make up, but they like to play with it, in the same way they dress up in my shoes, or as a pirate and want a moustache painted on.

How can a six year old have such strong opinions on what they wear?? 'She likes bright, bold colours' wtf?? My older two dds are 11 and 9 and they certainly didn't choose their own clothes at 6. Maybe a bit of choice later on, eg that top in pink or blue? But that's about it. Little girls shouldn't be encouraged to worry so much about their appearance, there's plenty of time for that later on.

This is a really interesting discussion. And a great time to link to Anita Sarkeesian's video about lego and gender-based toys. What do you all think?

FWIW, I hate make up on little girls and discourage it but DD has all the pinkified toys and until recently, that's all she's been into.

This is a really interesting discussion. And a great time to link to Anita Sarkeesian's video about lego and gender-based toys. What do you all think?

(FWIW, I hate make up on little girls and discourage it but DD has all the pinkified toys and until recently, that's all she's been into)

I don't think stereotyping girls, and boys for that matter, at such a young age is a good idea. We give children, girls usually, dolls and prams so that they can emulate their mothers and start the training early - I'm sorry but I don't want my DD growing up with that as her sole aspiration, never mind it being a pretty dull gift. Fine, she will most likely be a mother someday, but she can learn about it when she is grown up.

The same goes for make-up, as I said I think it makes them look like miniature adults, and why do women wear make-up, because on a purely primal basis they are trying to be more alluring to attract a sexual mate - which is why I think it inappropriate for a child to be wearing it, and even less appropriate for the mother to be the one applying it.

As to "itsy cutesy" clothes, DD wears primarily baby gap, boden, jojo, and Poppy, so I would say middle ground. The sequins comment was a joke but you can take it otherwise if you wish rubyfakenails.

Oh good lord I read some of these post thinking things like hmmm 'you DON'T have girls/older children/kids do you' to be honest

BEFORE I had kids I would have been aghast but having had 3 girls - I am much less judgy and pearl clutchy

I have dd1 - who used to raid my make up bag from age 18mths and has ALWAYS liked makeup and clothes and shoes - she is really in to it and has her own - she is 10

dd2 - not the slightest bit interested, never has been, likes dinosaurs and playing footy - she is 8

DD3 - 3years 9 month - raids her sisters make up, hair spray etc at every opportunity and slaps it on

no one has died and their futures are very bright - DD1 (remember, leopard print, make up obsessed hair faffer) - top of her class - year 5 currently performing to year 7/8 levels - so don't concern yourselves

sometimes it's okay to let children express themselves how they CHOOSE to - me I only every wear make up if I am going out at night !

Good grief spammy, spat my tea put at fearing for her future.

I know what you mean by animal prints btw, my dd grew out of Dalmatians on her clothes at 5!!!

Nothing wrong with a child playing with makeup or nail polish or little girls liking dolls and prams or liking trains or cars or boys liking prams ffs!!!

Sammi live and let live and am sure your nieces will somehow make a success of their lives despite the makeup and nail polish.

Gordy sums it up well all our DD's are different. If I tried to tell my DD at 6 years old she could have nail polish in the school holidays or she could experiment with make up at home I would have lived through hell. She would have rather gone naked rather than wear clothes she didn't like. Sure I could have put my foot down and insisted.
However, I saved my energies for the stuff that really mattered.

as to dolls. my ds had a dolls buggy which he took everywhere when he was 2. he also asked me to make him a twirly dressing up dress when he was 3. (he is now so stereotypical male that I am saving those photos for when he gets married)
He also breastfed his teddy when I was breastfeeding dd. We have all toys for all kids, they play with what they like. At the moment my dds have a garage and cars spread out over the lounge floor. Next they may be in pink tutus dancing round. I don't believe in boys toys and girls toys

and I have just remembered ds had pink nails one summer. All part od dressing up.

But sammypaws - YOU are stereotyping yourself. You have decide that because your DD is a girl she is not allowed a doll and pram. Therefore you yourself see dolls and prams as girl's toys. If you really saw all toys as just toys you would have no issue with your daughter having any toy. You would simply let your child chose the toy which appealed to her in the toy shop.

Op, ybu. Its just another form of dress up. Ds loves nail polish. Much to ex dp's distaste.

I sometimes wonder how so many of us women here on MN actually managed to grow up to be perfectly happy and well functioning adults you know! Wonder how many of our parents worried about what colour clothes we wore or whether we had a doll or Barbie toy.

Not sure where plastic comes into gender stereotypes though. Or is that just a "I like wooden toys because they look so much more wholesome and match my decor more" type thing many have with first borns - often very soon after realising that most children actually prefer the plastic whilst the wooden lays unused.

Hulababy, I don't think dolls and prams are appropriate toys for girls or boys.

amazing isn't it Hulababy - I managed despite owning Sindy and Barbie dolls, plus Tiny Tears AND blue eye shadow - somehow I have managed to have an education and a career and everything

HA ! My 3 year old son wears nail varnish, applied by his 5 year old sis

''How can a 6 year old have such strong opinions on what they wear?''

Are you kidding? Do you have any children of this age? My niece has flat out refused to wear anything that looked like girls clothes since she was about 3. Not only pink, but yellow, red, anything VAGUELY female. She literally would only put on boys clothes. She is now 8, and has just eased off a bit (this was her choice, mum and dad are not very girlie in the way the other 2 dds are dressed, and have never made an issue of it)

my dds have very very strong preferences for clothes. Since she was 5 or 6 dd1 has refused to wear certain things. She didn't like them and so they languished in her drawer.
My ds has never been that bothered, but when 8 he suddenly decided that he HAD to have/not have certain things (boxers and hoodies - in; jeans and shirts - out)

I won't buy them certain things, and we find a compromise, but they have an opinion

Dancergirl - My DD does have strong opinions on what she likes. She is her own person. I am happy to let her choose her clothes as she is normally very sensible.
Sorry if that bothers you, goodness knows why it does.
She likes bright colours - pink, purple, turquiose and red being her favourites.
As long as the clothes are suitable for the weather and her age I let her get on with it. Why shouldn't she wear what she is comfortable in?

Okkkay "dolls and prams are not appropriate", I think this says far more about your issues than the TOYS in question. We have dolls and prams a plenty but only dd3 really loves them the other 2 dd's liked soft furry things or drawing and colouring, I think you forget each child is different has a personality, and they will like what they like regardless of you. well that's certainly true for my dd's.

As for those saying a six yr won't have strong opinions if i'd stopped after dd1 I would have agreed wholeheartedly dd1 still wants help choosing her clothes and colours that goetc. DD2 she has worn trousers since she was about 2.5 (only now just going into leggings as her favorite dress is becoming indecently short!).... I rest my case.

she has NOT (bugger!)

One of my most viid childhood memories is of my mother (a usually sane woman) forcing me to wear a dress on a saturday. I stayed under my bed sobbing for the whole day. The dress was bought for me by an aunt who lived abroad and we visited once when I was 4 so I can't have been much older than that. To look at me you wouldn't think I had strong opinions on clothes but I certainly did.

vivid

sammypaws - WHY? Why is a doll and pram not appropriate toys for little children? What are your reasonings for this?

Do this apply to all role play type toys? Which ones?

Do you intend for your daughter to go to pre school, nursery or eventually school? How will you deal with her having access to these toys and role play scenarios?

What about in friend's houses? How do you deal with your daughter not accessing such toys?

Well my 7 year old had some nail varnish on today not because she wanted to look 'grown up' and alluring or like some reality tv person. But because it was dull and rainy and apparently her bright yellow nail varnish made her 'hands look like the sun'. She has no experience of reality TV and couldn't even name a pop star. I never wear make up.

And dolls not being appropriate for children is utter, utter bollocks. Role play is excellent for children - ask any expert in child development. It helps them to make sense of the world around them, it helps them to develop social skills. A child playing with a doll isn't 'learning to be a parent'. Watch them. They often act out little scenarios that have happened to them. They get to do all the things they can't do to actual babies (who they usually find fascinating) - prod them in the eye, pull off their clothes and inspect their belly button closely etc etc. And yep, they probably do learn to cuddle and take care of something small and vulnerable - not just a nice skill for a parent to have.

I hope you remember to give yourself and your child enough time off from your navel gazing to actually just enjoy her and her childhood. Not every single toy/item of clothing is a potential unexploded bomb that could destroy her adulthood you know.

Steppemum yes I do have children of this age, my youngest is 5 plus 2 older dds and as I said above I still mostly buy dd3s clothes for her without her. And she's happy because at her age clothes really shouldn't be a big deal. I think many parents encourage the clothes issue by simply allowing their children too much choice.

You know I always find it slightly amusing that people justify their decision on this sort of thing that 'no one has died' or the fact their child is doing well at school! That doesn't make it ok. And 'pick your battles' is a bit of a cop out too. It's saying you can't be bothered to deal with some issues. Yes of course there are bigger issues than a child wearing make up, but it's still wrong. There seems to be this mentality these days of being 'friends' with your dd and hanging out together, going shopping for clothes and doing your nails. Fine for teenage dds and their mums, but 6 year olds?? I am v old fashioned though!

Toys I don't have an issue with at all, whatever they may be. But toys are appropriate for children, make up is not.