to be upset by this comment about my child (and any advice while I'm at it)

[smeraldina]

Background for this is that I have a very spirited three year old DS who is going through a high tantrum period - often involving resistance to walking - and who is waking up at around 5.40am so is tired by 9am. Also have a one year old. Second day in new job today.
Decided to take children for a walk before work. Considered walking on foot with both of them as 1 year old has just started to walk. Then reflected that DS was at a tipping point mood-wise so put them in the double buggy.
At front door, normally lovely elderly neighbour stopped to chat. DS noticed a spider. I picked him out of buggy and put him down in the garden to look at it more closely. Neighbour said 'His legs are going to atrophy in a moment'. This is the second such 'snide' comment of this nature.
I dissolved into tears in front of the neighbour.
Hideous weekend of tantrums, so much so that I started to either wonder if DS has some sort of ASD - or if I should give up work (my dream job). I would love DS to walk/run more. He will when he is in the mood. However, it took me 40 minutes to get him to walk a 2 minute stretch the other day and I had to get a stranger to carry DD while I gave him a fireman's lift for the last stretch as it was pouring with rain.
Any advice/sympathy welcome. Not quite sure why I've posted in AIBU as I'm not feeling particularly resilient....!

Humour is good, e.g.: "They are saving all their energy so they can run around like loons at nursery/in the park".

It's boredom that makes them "tired" walkers, a devil to improve, I find.

Mine used buggies or stood on boards until after starting school, past 6yo for DD.

DD now 11 & wins all the long distance runs at school. Against everybody.
Except the other day when little brother beat her by ~3 seconds (because DD had a stonking cold, DS only gloated all afternoon, steam coming out of DD's ears in reply).

Yup, atrophied legs all right.

3 to 5 is a crucial stage as is 0-3 and 5-18! As a SAHM my kids all went to nursery for at least a couple of mornings from about 2. It kept me sane.
Your kids have a Nanny and go to Nursery. They need to interact with other kids and to become gradually more independent, to have space to explore without Mum.

As to the buggy comment: well does the Nanny/Nursery tie them to chairs for the rest of the day? If not I am sure they get plenty of use of their legs. (If they do its a whole other thread.)

You sound like a fabulous Mum. Lots of us don't have time to stop to look at the spiders, you did. Well done

I have an idea smeraldina - tell your Mum that you are entering a developmentally important phase - and that as her daughter you expect her support!!!!

I am too in awe of you taking two children out for a walk before work MIne was lucky to get breakfast.

Adoptive parents get lots of advice from people in the early days (yes more than the average!) - our mantra tends to be smile and nod (and ignore). So don't practice swearing, practice smiling and nodding and move on.

What a nasty neighbour. I would think up a politely dismissive remark for next time.

FWIW, my DS1 was a terrible walker at age 3. Would not walk any distance at all, had to be carried or in the double buggy. People did make comments sometimes.

Age 4, it turned out that he has coeliac disease and was anaemic - had very little energy for walking and was pretty irritable (also a coeliac side-effect). Six months on the gluten-free diet, and he is a different child - scoots speedily to school, much more easy going and sleeps better too.

Not suggesting there needs to be an underlying cause for reluctant walking age 3 - just that there can be any number of reasons, and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it.

LOL at your neighbour - what a silly thing to say! Easier said than done to ignore that sort of comment when you're feeling a bit sensitive, though. My DS was in his buggy - on and off - up until he was nearly 4 before we gave it up for him completely. I didn't think about it to be honest, and it's only now that I realise it was unusual and it probably looked strange. Especially as he is absolutely massive . DS2 is 14 months and DS1 would still happily hop on a buggy board if I let him, the lazy so and so.

He's only 3 - there's no harm in it. I bet he's desperate to be out of it and running when you take him to the park, isn't he? I didn't see if you said that he had a scooter? But that's guaranteed to get them out of the pushchair and motoring along under their own steam.

We all have crap times. In your shoes I would stop pushing the walking. He will run around at other times and over time be more willing. Secondly he is obviously shattered and needs his buggy at the mo. Go with what he needs. Also can you try getting one of those clocks that tells a child when they can get up to get him used to staying in bed longer. Or try having down time or snooze time about 9am. Also think about sugar levels, iron levels and putting him to bed earlier. All my 3 have low stamina and seemed to get more resilient aged 6, once very used to school. High exhaustion levels really effected my kids temperament when young though. Most people seemed to have kids with great stamina though so never understood.

gads i used to get comments all the time when i used the double buggy for my 2yo and 4yo.
it wasn't that they couldn't walk.
i was always in a hurry.
they also used to nap in it on afternoon school run. so i got comments about how they were always asleep!
they are very happy energetic dcs
have a

Forget the neighbour, bloody nosey cow. Hopefully she'll feel bad about you crying and leave you the hell alone.
My DS is 4 and still throwing massive tantrums (due to ongoing illness/medication) and I've had the odd tut or snide comment. I generally say in their direction really loudly "oh actually, my son has very bad health issues and has to take quite potent meds for these, hence he gets a bit cranky. I'm sure you would too if you went through the same everyday, and I'm even more sure you'd not appreciate comments from ignorant old tits either".
That usually shuts them up.

I reckon its not ASD, its more tiredness. Can only suggest the usual earlier night/lavendar cushion/bath before bed and no TV suggestions I was given. Has he just started waking that early or is it not so recent? Could be food intolerance or the change of having you out in the daytime- don't go giving up your job though, that'd be daft! I had the same with my DD when I had to go to the hospital everyday all day when her DS was in there for four months. She got used to it and calmed right down after a while, but big changes do tend to unsettle them.

Good luck and hugs x

I'd be ignoring that neighbour from now on. Interfering old bag. Hope you are OK OP.

I used to walk miles every day, so put our DC in the buggy and got snidey comments. I think people who bother to notice such things must have very sad lives and be quite bitter people.

the only advice i can offer that is pretty much guarenteed to work.is next time he refuses to walk and the neighbour passes comment on this yell very loudly

cock off you evil bitch

instead of crying twill make you feel much better

Efftee-ohhh efftee-ohh!

That's what I chant to myself (F The F Off!)

Ohhh I remember that comment - that my DD legs will become bow legged or bandy because she lived in the buggy until she was five (she was lazy - so what - who did it hurt?) She is nearly 22 and can walk, run and has lovely long straight legs!

The last "helpful" comment that the four crying children being pushed around the supermarket at 7.30pm, buying baby milk (exh didnt turn up yet again so nothing in the house remotely edible - hence my evening outing with 4 tired crying kids) Where the "helpful" shopper told me that I should take my children home as they are tired and why on earth would I bring them out in that state, as she had never done that with her two children (TWO) had me stare at her, then shove the trolly of four crying children at her and me stalking off saying that if she could do it better than me, then have them as I wasnt going to stop her. Felt sooooo goood. She was horrified and slunk away - try that with "helpful" neighbour.

All you have to say is...shut up you silly old bitch! End of story. Your kids not hers.