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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want dd to take the morning off school?

96 replies

littlemisssarcastic · 02/10/2012 09:17

DD has an appointment at the hospital tomorrow morning. She has regular appointments at the hospital for her eyesight (approx once every 6 weeks).

I was going to take DD out of school for the morning, since her appointment is at 11.15 and along with picking DD up from school, I have to travel to the hospital too so I will need to make sure we have enough time to travel there.
The school want me to take DD into school in the morning and pick her up at 11am!
Is it so bad for DD to have the morning off?
DD is 4 btw and has just started reception.
I get the strong impression that the school will not be happy at all if I don't take DD in for the morning. Sad

OP posts:
usualsuspect3 · 02/10/2012 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lydiamama · 02/10/2012 19:54

How far away is the hospital from the school then? You have to arrive a bit earlier, like at least 10 minutes, so that leaves you with around 5 minutes to travel to the hospital. So, can you do that? I am guessing the answer is no, so that the school has no argument here. Maybe take your little one at 9, and then pick her around 10-10:30. It is a bit ridiculous, but if you can do it, just do.
I do not think she is gonna fail all her grades as a consequence for her missing a morning at the age of 4, they take the attendance too seriously........

OrangeLily · 02/10/2012 19:57

Sounds like she is trying to scare you in to the habit of getting your kid in school as much as possible. There are so many parents who don't care and it will affect their targets.

Seriously don't take it in, waste of time!! Disruptive to the class too.

Joiningthegang · 02/10/2012 19:59

If it was me i wouldnt take them in until after lunch - she is 4, mostly learning through play - all will ne fine

As other have said she doesnt have to be there at all

McHappyPants2012 · 02/10/2012 20:01

just keep her off the morning, speak to the headteacher not the receptionist

LineRunner · 02/10/2012 20:02

That's ridiculous, OP. You need to arrive in plenty of time, unstressed.

And when my DD had regular orthodontic appointments, (a) we could sometimes queue for 15 minutes to get registered at the clinic reception; and (b) even if DD went into school for Registration, the school still marked her out as 'medically absent' for the whole session. Oh and (c) the school were very unhelpful about locating DD when they knew we were in a hurry to get to the clinic, especially if I had a taxi waiting to 'save time'.

WelshMaenad · 02/10/2012 20:03

Bloody hell, who does she think she is?

DS has lots of medical and therapy appointments and we often take her out for an entire session rather than drive her in only to turn around as soon as we get home to fetch her again. This is usually to minimise distress for her as she finds early pickups etc quite unsettling. I tell the school when she will be out of school. It's never occurred to me to disclose her actual appointment time, our transport arrangements or anything else relevant to my decision. I tell them she has physio and will be coming in to school st lunchtime. If they tried to dictate how I ought to be organisingysrkf regarding the appointments I would laugh in their faces.

WelshMaenad · 02/10/2012 20:05

In DD's school medical appointment absences are classified differently so they don't count against attendance targets. Don't all schools do this?

Zipitydooda · 02/10/2012 20:09

Receptionist is being ridiculous. Deal with the class teacher in future.
What is the point in you having to comeback and collect her 45 mins after you've dropped her off! It's Reception not NASA for goodness sake!!

LineRunner · 02/10/2012 20:09

Yes, Welsh, they are authorised absences rather than unauthorised. But I wondered why I was busting a gut to get DD in for part of the session, plus taxi fares, when the school was still sending us absence percentages that didn't diferentiate and gave us no credit for effort!

AngryFeet · 02/10/2012 20:10

DS had an appt at 11 today and I dropped him off then picked him up at 10.30 and dropped him back at 12.30. Pain in the arse for me but I don't think they should miss anymore school than necessary.

LineRunner · 02/10/2012 20:14

I'm sure it's easier if you have a car. I have had to rely on buses and taxis. The whole stress factor about arriving on time, queuing to book in, etc, is really crap.

Although I am reliably told that parking is also hideous.

WelshMaenad · 02/10/2012 20:14

No, school has a more detailed classification system, an authorised 'sick' absence is different from having a hospital appointment, appointments don't count towards attendance %. There's also an educational absence option, which what her lovely class teacher used when she had to have the day off for a ballet show in reception.

cutegorilla · 02/10/2012 20:15

They just want the "present" mark on the register for the morning because they get in trouble if absence numbers are too high. I would take her in and pick her up again this time but try and get an earlier appointment if you can in future so you don't have to.

autumnlights12 · 02/10/2012 20:16

Tell the school what you're doing. Don't ask. I'd be keeping her out if I were you. What are the school going to do, fine you? The worst case scenario is an unauthorized absence, which is no great shakes.

hlipop · 02/10/2012 20:25

is there much point in her being their for 45 mins?? seems pointless surely she will have just got started doing an activity?? maybe try to get a early appt for the next appt - but for this time take her out- how far do you live from the school? public transport isn't always greatly relyable

RandomMess · 02/10/2012 20:34

Honestly I've let mine go in for their attendance mark and then taken them afterwards, keeps the school happy and makes the trip to the appointment easier.

LineRunner · 02/10/2012 20:37

My family's experience has been that NHS children's hospital out-patient clinics tend to run during school hours, with quite long waiting times and double-booking.

The earliest appointments are always after 10am.

My DD also had to spend about half an hour waiting outside Welfare at school in order to be given her absence slip.

So stressful.

fuckwittery · 02/10/2012 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jimmenycricket · 02/10/2012 21:10

Is the school about to be inspected? Often they get hot on register attendance when that is about to happen. So for example if the child is there at 9 am but then buggers off to a hospital appt and returns before register at 1, the child is technically still there all day.

And I feel your pain, I did four school runs today to take mine to a medical thing and then back for 1pm.

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson · 02/10/2012 21:29

No way would I let a receptionist dictate to me! No way! In fact I wouldn't let any of the school staff dictate to me either. What a load of tosh about only the main carer having the 'privilege' of picking up the child from school. I would be making a formal complaint about it. Who the heck does she think she is?

I would tell school your plans in future rather than ask. Some schools seem to get a kick out of trying to control and dictate to parents!

cestlavielife · 02/10/2012 23:12

Of course you shouldgo straight to hospital this time.
For future appts ask for first one of the morning or the very last one so it then makes more sense to go to school first or to just arrive late.

Original poster
littlemisssarcastic · 02/10/2012 23:36

Well, I have probably left it too late to change it from picking DD up at 9.45 tomorrow, although another reason I would have preferred DD to take the morning off is because she has only been at school a few weeks, and is still settling in.
My gut instinct is that if I pick her up at 9.45am, she is going to become confused/upset and think of school as an option IYSWIM, and then is not going to want to go back to school in the afternoon.
I thought if I took her back at the end of lunchtime, it would be easier for DD to go back into class with the other DC.
She has been at school for such a short time and gets cold feet if we arrive in the playground after the other children have already lined up to go in (which has happened twice now Blush ), or if the TA is not there, it can be much more difficult to get DD into the classroom and takes 3 times as long. (TA helps out in another class too so isn't always in DD's class.)
As soon as anything is different from how DD expected it to be, DD withdraws, and yet she is one of the most confident DC there according to the teachers, but I appreciate she has only been going to school for a few weeks and is only just turned 4. (One of youngest in her class.)
That was another reason why I wanted it to be clean cut...hospital in morning, then school at lunch time.
But I have left it too late now, so it will be lots of toing and froing, and hopefully, DD wont get upset. Sad

OP posts:
DaveMccave · 02/10/2012 23:41

Ridiculous. They are worried about their attendance marks, because they get marked for it on ofsted, rather than thinking about yours and your families needs. She doesn't legally have to be in school 'til she is 5. Something I took advantage of when my daughter was 4. I'd occasionally keep her off if she was 'overtired' and we'd have a quiet day out at the zoo instead of going during school holidays when it was manic. I wouldn't dream of taking her in for 2 hours then rushing to the hospital for the appointment. I stopped letting my daughter have days off once she was in year 1, as I knew it would start to effect her in school. but at 4, they are still babies, and 2 hours is neither here nor there.

DaveMccave · 02/10/2012 23:44

You haven't left it too late. Call in the morning first thing, say she won't be in in the morning because you think it will confuse her, and you don't want her think you may be coming to pick her up on other school days, and say she will be in at lunchtime. Simple.

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