To think that DH saying "because I say so" is a shit reason for not getting a pet

[upsylazy]

It's only just recently begun to dawn on me how controlling DH is and there's a whole pile of stuff that is probably better off in relationships but just wanted to post this in AIBU as an illustration to see if it's me or him.
We have 3 DCs aged 12, 10 and 4. They all love animals - DS1 has been a real worry to us recently as it's really hard to interest him in anything non gadget related and, if we gave him a free rein, he'd spend every waking minute on the Wii or computer. However, I took him to this amazing pet shop a few months back and he was completely entranced by the reptile room and took a real shine to these miniature tortoises. When the guy took one out of the tank and let him hold it, his face just lit up. To get 2 tortoises plus the tank and UV lights would cost around £250. They cost virtually nothing to feed so there's very little cost after the initial outlay. As soon as I even mentioned it to DH, I just got a NO an that was it - no discussion, no explanation.
DS2 desperately wants to get a rabbit or a guinea pig as a lot of his friends have them. As soon as I opened my mouth (this was about a month after the tortoise incident) I just got, "I've said no animals". When I tried to ask for a reason, he just said because he doesn't want them.
On Sat, I dropped DD back at a friend's house and her mum asked in passing if we'd be interested in having a kitten as her daughter's cat has had kittens.
We already have one cat who it was actually DH's idea to get. He's no bother and the kids all love him and I don't see how having 2 cats is harder than one. Me and DD asked him tonight (I was hoping that DD might win him over) and he said "I've told you, no more fucking animals".
DD is in tears. I'm just sitting here thinking that there are 4 of us and one of him and don't we get a say in the matter? I work full time so it's not like it's his money that I'm spending. If me and DCs do any petcare that's needed, what grounds has he got to say no?
Sorry, that was a lot longer than I'd intended.

If we were just talking about pets then I think both adults have to be in agreement. Like having dc, there is no compromise - you either get one or you don't and if one person hates the idea then it's best not to.

But he talks to you like shit and from your later posts about money, yes, I think you do have a problem.

Stop smuggling books into the house and hiding what you spend. You need to tackle this head on.

Firstly, when the dc are not home tell him that you found his attitude rude and aggressive and completely unacceptable. 'Because I say so' is not something that any adult should get away with saying to their spouse.

Secondly, tell him that you will no longer accept him criticising what you spend your money on. All the time he smokes and buys lottery tickets, he hasn't got a leg to stand on. Even if he gives those things up, you still have a right to spend your own money as you please, so long as you are meeting your other financial commitments.

If he carries on like this, then you have bigger issues than whether to get a pet.

It's good though that you are noticing his behaviour before it's too late and he completely dominates your household.

To be honest, OP, if this is just an example of what he is like, it seems a bit redundant to be discussing whether it's unkind of him to say no animals, and how some people like animals and some don't.

I wonder if you should be thinking about the relationship as a whole?

Dp and I got a kitten when we 1st moved in together. She sadly died last year and although we now have 3 kids, the house didnt seem the same without a cat. Dp was pretty adamant we weren't getting another one, but i finally persuaded him. Got a lovely little tabby kitten, then dp's niece got a kitten but had to get rid of it for some reason, but had no-one to take it (shelters were full) so i persuaded him to let me get that one too, so we now have 2 cats. Dp says he doesn't like them, but every now and then i catch him giving them a cuddle, or one of them on his knee-the softy. Though i do all the cleaning/feeding etc of them

Thanks for your replies. To people who've posted specifically about pet issues, I know about things like guinea pigs being social animals and if we were to go ahead and get any kind of animal, I would research it very thoroughly and make sure I knew exactly what i was getting into.
As I'm beginning to realise, this isn't really the issue, it's just typical of his behaviour in general. When i was sneaking my 4 books upstairs on Sunday (total cost about £35), I did begin to think how ridiculous it was. His argument about the books is that I should get them from the library or get them second hand - he buys loads of books from charity shops.
If we were completely skint, maybe he'd have a point but we're not that broke and I'm incredibly frugal in lots of other ways.

Are you supposed to wait around until the charity shop gets in the books you want? You should suggest to him that you will stop buying books, and get them from the library instead, if he gives up the smoking.

You shouldn't have to justify buying a few books, you are an adult.

YABU to spend £35 on 4 books when you could get about 10 for that price! if you must choose them, get theself online!

By the way, it depends on the guinea pig. But of course you can't know a guinea pig's character after 10 minutes in the pet shop. We had a couple separately at one time who were very attached to us and comfortable with us and were very healthy and lively. They were just solitary (and the cleverest of all we've had!). And when we did eventually get them partners, there were problems (i.e. they were jealous when we picked the new ones up). We did have them indoors at night though.