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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think if you own 3 houses

64 replies

lovelylentils · 01/10/2012 00:23

Pil have 3 houses. The one they live in, a holiday home and one they rent out and let their dd (dh sis keep the money )
dh has been made redundant and as of mid dec we'll be homeless. Aibu to think an offer of help would have been nice? Dh refuses to ask for help which i undrstand but we are really not in a good position. Sil even had the cheek to ask if we wanted to rent from her!

Please note i do not expect anything to be hsnded on a plate but in the interests of grandchildren and ds i though they might have offered

OP posts:
Original poster
lovelylentils · 01/10/2012 00:51

We will but that is not why i'm asking aibu? I'm asking if pil behaviour seems ur or not

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 01/10/2012 00:54

I think it's a bit odd..yes but then again we're not going to be privy to every detail and reason why your PILs have done this.

If your DH is ok with not asking them for help then you should go ahead and accept the help your family have offered.

missymoomoomee · 01/10/2012 00:58

It sounds like there are financial things going on behind the scenes to me. They might have an arrangement that you don't know about, she might have lent them money or your parents pay her so much from the rent if she takes care of anything concerning the property, or they may have put the house in her name for tax reasons or there could be a thousand other reasons.

It doesn't sound like a normal thing for a parent to buy a house for one child and not the other.

ZacharyQuack · 01/10/2012 01:14

SIL may rely on the rental income. If she lets you live in the house rent-free then she will be losing income, just as your DH is losing income by becoming redundant.

If I were you, I'd graciously accept the SIL's offer and rent her house. At least you'd have a friendly landlord.

Narked · 01/10/2012 01:34

You have my sympathies.

When DH and I were newly married we had some financial problems. We desperately needed help and advice. I encouraged him to contact his parents to tell them what was going on - he didn't want to. Their response? Contact the citizen's advice bureau. They couldn't even be bothered to listen to the details. Many, many years later, an older sibling of his has just gotten a second ££££ cheque to prop up their vanity project of a business. They've been through three different careers and, for the latest one, put everything they had into something everyone (including the ILs) warned them was a disaster waiting to happen. It hasn't stopped the ILs spending hours 'helping' them with it and cashing in their savings to help them out. Because they're the golden child who shits sunbeams.

The anger never goes at the unfairness of the situation, but please don't push your DH to ask for help from them. The chances are he's not asking because he already knows the answer.

sashh · 01/10/2012 03:32

lovelylentils

Take up sil's offer, then let her find out housing benefit isn't paid to relatives.

justbogoffnow · 01/10/2012 03:55

I think it's fair to say, the vast majority of us would not give a whole bloody house to one of our children and give sod all to the others. What's the matter with his parents, do they hate your dh for some reason?
Whatever is going on now, that is soooo out of order Sad. Are they very elderly and perhaps have very old fashioned views ie sons should make their way in the world and daughters must be provided for?
I know it's grim, but if you went to stay at your parents, what would the situation re social housing be? You may get enough points through overcrowding to qualify quicker.

flyoverthegoldenhill · 01/10/2012 09:41

sashh is right, you cant claim housing benefit if its a relatives house.

BeckAndCall · 01/10/2012 09:49

Why will you be homeless by mid December? It's the 1st of October now - your DH has got 10 weeks to find another job. Is that really impossible?

You may be looking at only the worst case scenario here - it sounds like there are options still left to explore.

Instead of worrying about whether your SIL and PIl are being fair, focus on the things you can do something about - finding another job as a start. And if it pays less than this one, then find a cheaper place to rent.

expatinscotland · 01/10/2012 09:50

Well, that could be a problem in that you usually can't claim HB if renting from a relative. In that case, I'd go for the spare room at your parents.

Sound out your DH even more. If it's a matter of their playing favourites, I'd gradually start cutting such toxic people out of my life.

squidworth · 01/10/2012 10:56

An insight into my life is DP's dad did the same and favoured DP's sisters, it was because he never trusted his son partners, moneys given to his DD's went to them whereas he worried that money he gave to DS's would go to partners. Luckily DP sisters refused money and it has been put in trust.

Xnedra · 01/10/2012 11:02

Do you know that the SiL didn't ask for help/the house at the time it was all done. Maybe you PiL are waiting to be asked for help, some people think it best to offer assistance, other feel it better to wait to be asked, neither ways are right or wrong.
I don't think you can complain at all about the PiL or call unfair/favoritism unless you ask for help

cantspel · 01/10/2012 11:03

You can have hb paid to rent a relatives house as long as it is a proper tenacy and not contrived. So as long as she uses the house as a rental and charges rent all the time, not just when the tenant qualifies for hb then they will pay out

sookiesookie · 01/10/2012 11:07

They have probably heard you are deeply offended by sold offer, so won't.
Personally I think the only person here who is by is your dh. He would rather keep his pride intact an be homeless.

I would be interested to know why sil got a house and he didn't. I think there is more to this.

PropertyNightmare · 01/10/2012 11:24

My guess would be that to date you and your husband have had a very good income whilst SIL has a low income hence PILs giving her the house to make her life more comfortable. Not saying that the above is fair but that is surely the only reason why PILs would so obviously favour one child over the other. If I am wrong then there is something seriously weird about the situation. Your dh must have some inkling as to why SIL has been given a house and he hasn't.

I think your best bet will be to take the room at your parents. That way you can live inexpensively whilst you get back on your feet. Also, be sure that you claim all benefits that you are entitled to have.

sookiesookie · 01/10/2012 12:01

not sold offer I mean sils offer.

Why has sils offer upset you? She is doing what she can to help, or do expect her to let you stay rent free?

RightBuggerforGOLD · 01/10/2012 14:37

Rent sil/pils' house now while they are offerring. When you can no longer afford the rent, they aren't going to take you to court to get you out, are they. So they will be helping you. When you get on you feet again you can move.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 01/10/2012 15:51

Maybe they are planning that DH will get is share when they die? It does seem wierd though.

McHappyPants2012 · 01/10/2012 15:55

why will you be losing your home, have you been to CAB about what you are entitled to.

KenLeeeeeee · 01/10/2012 16:05

I really don't understand how your SIL's offer was anything other than perfectly sensible. YABU to turn it down out of peevishness.

BackforGood · 01/10/2012 16:15

Strikes me the person being unreasonable is your dh.
From what you've told us, the situation seems very unfair - so why doesn't he ask his parents about it?
You say you are going to be homeless, and you believe his parents are in a position to help you, but he'd rather see you hoemless than ask them Hmm

I'm all for trying to make your own way in the world, but if I felt there were something that could be done to help my family, by their own grandparents/parents, then I'd ask. Equally, if I'd felt there was an unfairness in the way I was treated compared to a sibling, I'd ask.
You might not get the answer you want, but you'd know where you stood.

Original poster
lovelylentils · 01/10/2012 20:30

I just want to add thay sil has s considerably larger income. More than dh and i put together!

OP posts:
GoldShip · 01/10/2012 20:46

Christ if I had a house spare there's no chance I'd make my brother and his wife pay.

RobynRidingHood · 01/10/2012 20:46

Why have PIL bought a house that she gains rent from?

Unusual to make a gesture to one child but not the other.

You say SIL has a large income of her own, is this perhaps a joint venture between her and the PILs?

What has gone on in the past that PILs trust SIL with large amount of money but not your DH?

elizaregina · 01/10/2012 20:47

lovely lentils

i get it - its hard to accept a lesser solution when you think it would be easier for sil and FAIRER to let you stay there and help you out in time of need, after SHE has been helped out!

however - dont degrade yourself - your lovely parents have offered to help you out - yes not great to live in one room!!! BUT millions did it after war - baby boom, took up residence in parents front room, millions still do it.

take up their offer - do not mention sil or pils....hold your head up high and go and enjoy it.

enjoy it when people are astonished and aghast that you are living at your DP's when they know the assests of DH.

let THEM bat off the questions.....wow - couldnt YOU find a spare room for them or something!

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