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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hmmm to be concerned about my friend going on this blind date

35 replies

BrevilleTron · 28/09/2012 22:14

Ok bear with me.

My best friend (A) 23. Mother of 1 DS (4) currently single. Reasonable relationship with ExP.
Lives alone ( her, DS and cat)

Her Friend (B) 24. Mother of 1 DD (2)
Awful relationship with abusive emotional fuckwit who is not her DD's dad. Has had help to leave many times keeps going back etc exposing her DD to all kinds.

A is currently being pressured by B to go on a 'blind date' with a relative of her awful partner.
A photo has been sent ( of him) to A I've seen it. Not so much hit with ugly stick- more parachuted into ugly forest hit every branch on way down

AIBU to think this is RED FLAG central and that B seems to want to entice A to end up in the same awful kind of relationship that B is currently in in order to provide B with a constant shoulder to whinge on

I'm concerned that this relative may not be ideal but should she go on the date or dismiss it?
Fully prepared to be told AIBU

OP posts:
honeytea · 28/09/2012 22:19

YABU with your ugly comment, I don't think that has anything to do with how much of a good DP he could be.

Very few families are all bed, the blind date guy may well be lovely. You need to trust your friend's judgement.

AgentZigzag · 28/09/2012 22:20

I'm not sure it's fair to tar the bloke with the same brush as the abusive bloke tbh.

If family connections meant you were the same as them I'd be fucked Grin

If he's a wanker, won't your friend see that for herself? You're being a good friend watching out for her, but unless she asks for advice (and even then I'd tread carefully) I would just keep an eye out for her.

But big lol at 'I've seen it. Not so much hit with ugly stick- more parachuted into ugly forest hit every branch on way down' Grin

WinklyFriedChicken · 28/09/2012 22:21

Yabu if you're this concerned just because he doesn't look like Ryan Reynolds. Do you have any cause to be concerned about his character? Having a questionable relative isn't necessarily a cause for concern; every family has a black sheep & less conventionally attractive people deserve to go on dates too.

AgentZigzag · 28/09/2012 22:22

Sorry honey I thought the same as you that he might be a really nice person, and if looks were what you should go on I'm fresh out.

But it did sound funny Grin

spondulix · 28/09/2012 22:22

Why don't you trust Friend A to make her own mind up? Is she not a good judge of character? Why do you think that the man is unsuitable, because he's ugly or because he shares a family tree with your friend's DP?

I have the odd dodgy relative, fortunately no one has excluded me from social situations because of it!

Original poster
BrevilleTron · 28/09/2012 22:23

Cool thanks Honeytea.
My friend is also slightly concerned.
The ugly comment is just in my opinion but I'm told he looks just like B's abusive partner so that may well be colouring my judgment.
It's good to get your opinion thank you for responding Smile

OP posts:
DameKewcumber · 28/09/2012 22:24

what he looks like is irrelevant, at least certainly to you! Yes I would be concerned about a blind date being arranged by someone with questionable relationship judgement.

But hell she's all growed up now and presumably she doesn;t need your permission to date - and if its "ideal" you want for her, she'll be single a loooong time.

honeytea · 28/09/2012 22:25

I actually think there is a better chance that he will be a nice guy, maybe lots of people have overlooked him due to his less than perfect looks.

I allways say go for the the gawky or shy guys, they are often lovely but overlooked :)

Original poster
BrevilleTron · 28/09/2012 22:29

Thanks guys. These are good points and we may be tarring with the brush.
We have a plan.
She will go on the date in order to give him a fair chance. Should we get a sniff of wanker she will text me and I will call with Bafta winning performance in tears desperately needing her.

Yes I was BU

OP posts:
ihearsounds · 28/09/2012 22:29

Your friend is all grown up now, and capable of making her own choices. If she wants to go on a blind date, regardless of how he looks cos looks never fade that is entirely her choice. If she doesn't want to go, then she doesn't.

honeytea · 28/09/2012 22:30

Good plan OP :)

DameKewcumber · 28/09/2012 22:35

she doesn;t need to text you - you ring her at set time and depending on what she says - you can either create an emergency (babysitter has thyphoid?) or just be calling about coffee tomorrow.

Original poster
BrevilleTron · 28/09/2012 22:48

Dame I love the typhoid. Can just imagine now
" tears.... Come back ... The cat has Ebola and the budgie has trashed the house...sobs"

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 28/09/2012 22:54

She must find the guy's photo attractive or she wouldn't be going...and just because one member of a family is a wanker it doesn't mean they all are.

I don't know what you're worried about because if he turns out to be a total knob jockey, he's unlikely to reveal that during the date.

Original poster
BrevilleTron · 28/09/2012 23:05

UPDATE

When asked what do you do the reply was

I've been in prison for two years but everybody makes mistakes and I'm a kind hearted guy really.

Erm?
Help?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 28/09/2012 23:06

I'm not getting why you need help OP?

Original poster
BrevilleTron · 28/09/2012 23:11

Does the above statement change anything
I'm feeling uneasy now. My friend and I are both here together and wondering if the prison thing changes anything. Asking for opinions if you would go on a date with a guy who had been in prison for two years.
We don't know why but do we ( she) need to know?

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 28/09/2012 23:11

Ooookkkaaaayyyy, what was he in for? Anything related to violence and it's a big, fat "fuck off".

WorraLiberty · 28/09/2012 23:14

No it still doesn't change the fact that your friend is free to decide whether she wants to go on this date or refuse.

Jeez you're both making a mountain out of a molehill

Tell her to go or don't go, the bloke's probably not fussed either way.

Original poster
BrevilleTron · 28/09/2012 23:27

Thanks Worra we are well underway with the mountain but planning permission has now been revoked.
She is texting him and is impressed with his honesty. The two years was for driving offences how bloody fast was he going

OP posts:
mysonsasaint · 28/09/2012 23:33

Look, ask your friend to come on here and ask the question herself, if she's really interested.

No way on god's green earth would I go on a blind date with a man who'd been in prison for two years, and a great big Hmm face to that being for driving offences.

mysonsasaint · 28/09/2012 23:36

driving offences and penalties

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 28/09/2012 23:42

According to mysons' link, he caused death.

Original poster
BrevilleTron · 28/09/2012 23:43

She is sat here with me but as I am a regular poster I just popped on to ask. Thank you for the link. Does the ban time equate to prison time or just the ban.
I've advised if she does decide to go to do it in a public place.
She is unsure but wary of tarring with brush.
I've given her my opinion but that's why we have asked because we value yours and all the other posters opinions too.

OP posts:
Original poster
BrevilleTron · 28/09/2012 23:45

Old Lady we've checked it was maximum sentence for dangerous driving
Death was the one above.
She knows my views on driving offences.

OP posts: