Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take my DS to youthclub?

32 replies

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 28/09/2012 19:31

The story. Friday night is the church youthclub. It's in our old village, a 20-25 minute drive cross country each way. I've been at work, sorted the horses and just got in. They need to be there at 7.30, pick up at 9. Then at 10.30, I've got to go and pick up DP from a night out in town, 25 minutes in the other direction. In between, I've got to feed me and dd, have a bath, wash my hair and give the bathroom a once over because DB is coming tomorrow to finish the tiling. By the time I get back I could well be nearly midnight, and I have to get up at six.
Ds16 is throwing a real tantrum.
I always cave, and give in to him, and I've had enough. I'm fed up of tantrums and guilt trips. If he'd have said, oh, ok, I understand, that's ok, I'd probably of given in, but I'm fed up of being told I MUST!

OP posts:
hiddenhome · 28/09/2012 19:38

How is he meant to get there though?

WinklyFriedChicken · 28/09/2012 19:38

Thing is though, if you live somewhere fairly remote, this will be your son's main social occasion of the week, no? Being 16 & told last minute that you're not going out when most if not all of your friends are is probably worse than death.

Not saying you should give in, buuut...

hiddenhome · 28/09/2012 19:41

At least he's going to a youth club. A lot of kids just hang around on the streets messing around and drinking Confused

I think you should take him. Let your DP get a taxi back from his night out.

WorraLiberty · 28/09/2012 19:42

This is the problem with living in remote areas

I suppose if you do it and choose to have a family, you have to become a bit of a taxi driver.

It's not his fault but I do understand you must be knackered.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 28/09/2012 19:45

I can see where you are coming from but honestly, if you live somewhere remote it has to be expected that you will have nights like this.

Tweasels · 28/09/2012 19:52

I don't think DS is the problem. You could be tucked up in bed by 10 if you didn't have to pick DP up surely?

I'll be over the moon if my DC are asking to go to church youth club on a Friday night rather than drinking cider in parks like I did

CassandraApprentice · 28/09/2012 19:56

I know taxi can be very expensive - but as a one off I've had enough night - could not either your DP or DS get a taxi ?

Original poster
SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 28/09/2012 20:09

Taxis are far too expensive. This isnt his only activity. He does explorers on monday, in an even further away village, until 9pm. Wednesday, hes a young scout leader in our home village until 9pm. Youthclub on Friday, until 9pm. Before school finished, hed have regular late night sessions, until at least 9. He always goes where he wants to go. If I ever say, maybe not, theres a major tantrum.
I know its not great for him living here, Id much rather be living back in our old villlage with my friends, but I cant. Im just annoyed with the total immovability of his attitude! There is NO compromise. EVER.

OP posts:
Original poster
SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 28/09/2012 20:11

Hes not a bad boy, in any sense of the word, just VERY VERY stubborn!

OP posts:
Ingles2 · 28/09/2012 20:14

don't do it saggy... honestly at 16 he's nearly an adult and despite living in the middle of nowhere should be able to understand that occasionally it's too difficult to organise wthout behaving like a toddler!
. Are there no friends who could pick him up?

Original poster
SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 28/09/2012 20:16

Nobody out here. Sad

OP posts:
WinklyFriedChicken · 28/09/2012 20:18

Couldn't he stay with a friend afterwards so you only have to go one way on a Friday?

Ingles2 · 28/09/2012 20:19

same as us then....
Well.. that's the way it goes sometimes isn't it!?... surely he realises that you usually do whatever you can, to get him wherever he needs to be?
My 2 have to be ferried everywhere as well, as we live in an isolated house in the middle of nowhere....I wouldn't be impressed if they had a tantrum and they're 11 and 13

EduCated · 28/09/2012 20:20

It is a shame and it's not really his fault, but at 16 I think he's old enough to understand that sometimes there had to be a compromise, especially if you do normally run him about wherever he needs to be.

PinkFairyDust · 28/09/2012 20:22

When is is 17 get him driving lessons

But seriously he is 16 and sounds like all the activities are great for him and he is not hanging around on a street corner drinking!

squishyotter · 28/09/2012 20:25

I'm split on this one.

On one hand I wanna say Yanbu, he needs to learn that life isn't all roses, and there are times that as much as you want something, or want to go somewhere, it just aint always possible!

On the other hand, if he is off to Uni in 2 years, do you want to keep those 2 years free of strife and full of forever-happy DS? If so then Yabu and you should just take him.

PurplePidjin · 28/09/2012 20:35

On the one hand, it wasn't his choice to live rurally.

On the other hand, don't give in to the tantrum!

Original poster
SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 28/09/2012 20:37

I'll be surprised if he has the motivation for uni tbh. Apart from his activities, and college, he does nothing! My leather sofa has the imprint of his body on it, like the Turin Shroud! That's another reason I get annoyed with him making demands!

OP posts:
WinklyFriedChicken · 28/09/2012 20:54

Between his activities and college, he seems to do quite a bit!

Original poster
SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 28/09/2012 21:03

Not according to him, or the sofa print.

OP posts:
wannabedomesticgoddess · 28/09/2012 21:46

You sound like you dont like your son very much. No wonder he wants to go out.

And if you are that pessimistic about his future, what hope does he have.

ihearsounds · 28/09/2012 22:01

Buy him a bike. He can cycle to various places. I am not a taxi, and my dc's unless I am feeling nice, either cycle or get the bus.

degutastic · 28/09/2012 22:36

I'd take him - I think he should be encouraged when it comes to the sorts of activities he's doing, and you should help him as much as possible. But I'm biased, because he's a young leader and I respect that... Better that he's investing his time in church youth groups and scouting than many of the alternatives at his age.

On the other hand, he shouldn't be having a tantrum either.

Original poster
SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 28/09/2012 23:41

I love my son very much.

OP posts:
blackcurrants · 28/09/2012 23:49

Tell him that you will support him getting a weekend job so he can start saving for a second hand moped..

Swipe left for the next trending thread