To not take my DS to youthclub?

[SaggyOldClothCatPuss]

The story. Friday night is the church youthclub. It's in our old village, a 20-25 minute drive cross country each way. I've been at work, sorted the horses and just got in. They need to be there at 7.30, pick up at 9. Then at 10.30, I've got to go and pick up DP from a night out in town, 25 minutes in the other direction. In between, I've got to feed me and dd, have a bath, wash my hair and give the bathroom a once over because DB is coming tomorrow to finish the tiling. By the time I get back I could well be nearly midnight, and I have to get up at six.
Ds16 is throwing a real tantrum.
I always cave, and give in to him, and I've had enough. I'm fed up of tantrums and guilt trips. If he'd have said, oh, ok, I understand, that's ok, I'd probably of given in, but I'm fed up of being told I MUST!

Yes, wannabe, OP clearly hates her son, she must do the way she supports him through all those activities and feels guilty for not taking him tonight.

As I said before, it's not his fault he can't go. But, presuming you make every effort to get him places normally and that last minute withdrawing of lifts is a rare occurrence, then him having a tantrum isn't on. Unfortunately, in a family, not everyone can get what they want all of the time and sometimes you have to compromise.

Sounds very much like my ds's evening schedule, and, like others. I'd far rather he was doing these things than either staying in all week, or going out I know not where. I do what I can to encourage him.

Various thoughts... would it not be worth taking a good book and staying somewhere on the premises. I could happily while away an hour and a half in far better ways than driving home, then having 30-40 mins, then going to fetch him again (not sure how old your dd is)
Could dp not get home in some other way ? Taxi or friends dropping him ?

However, as others have said, I suppose it's one of the negative sides to rural living. A lot of people think they would hate living in the City, but it's generally pretty easy to lift share in busy communities!

What would you rather your DS was doing tonight?

Taxi service is tiresome.

Always knowing where you children are is not.

I know my DDs aren't drinking and worse in the park it's 6 miles there and 6 miles back.

Very comforting when school sends out a letter from the police.

Oh FFS! We all have shit days - give the woman a break! It won't kill him to miss one night because you are too tired/busy to do the run tonight. Why does everyone assume mothers need to be martyrs and do every single thing that everyone else in the family demands? Agree with EduCated - in a family not everyone can get their own way all the time. Sometimes you have to accept that other people have needs.

Well, Saggy has come on here and asked for opinions. So, people are .... er... offering their opinions.

You could turn the "you sometimes have to accept that other people have need" sentence around, and say that the ds has needs which he is not unreasonable to expect his Mum to support him in.
I know a few people who have chosen to move to rural places, but they accept that part of that decision is that they are going to have to doa lot of ferrying round of their children until they are able to drive themselves. Of course, there are a lot of positive things about living in the country, to balance that out, but that's what we all do... weigh up the pros and cons before making the decision.

Saggy. I used to live in Gt. Bentley. As a teenager. In the deep dark days before there was any buses there except the school bus out in the morning and back into the village in the afternoon.

If I wanted to do activities, I rode my bike. To Brightlingsea and back. If I wanted to go 'up town' to Colchester, I had to go and babysit for the train fare. Or deliver newspapers. Or wash cars.

I was living there from 13-15.

Just. Say. No.

You are on your feet all day at work, he is practically grown up (I had DD at his age, and was working PT while doing my A-levels at college).

If he kicks off, remove things. Things he likes. If he REALLY wanted to go, he WOULD arrange something. He would save his pocket money, and offer one of his friend's parents petrol money for picking him up. He would find some sort of job to earn money to save for driving lessons. He would get on his bike and ride there and back.

If he doesn't want to go enough that he can't make that effort, then obviously it's not as important to him as HE believes it is!