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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think DS's headteacher is BU?

41 replies

Rumplepump · 28/09/2012 19:16

Ok, I realise I might sound like a pushy parent here and am looking for some perspective.

DS has just started Y3 and is the youngest in his class. They has elections for school councillor last week and DS and another boy (who he ran against two years ago) got to the 'interview' stage.... DS found out today he didn't 'pass' but the other boy did, he is devastated.

I understand disappointment is a part of life but the boy who won was councillor in year 1 too.... He is also almost a year older than DS. I just feel that the other boy would have done a lot better in the 'interview' due to his experience and being older and feel it is a little unfair, aibu?

OP posts:

Original poster

Rumplepump · 28/09/2012 19:17

The interview was with the headteacher

OP posts:

Annunziata · 28/09/2012 19:18

You need to let it go, your ds will experience a lot of disappointment in life and you can't go in fighting for him every time.

SaraSidle · 28/09/2012 19:19

Aww I sympathise! My ds1 is 31 august birthday. The year males less of a difference the older they get.

Not sure who is BU in this though

SaraSidle · 28/09/2012 19:19

*makes!

FermezLaBouche · 28/09/2012 19:19

This seems an odd way of doing it. Not exactly democracy at its finest is it? Tbh I was going to say YWBU when I saw it was a school council issue, as I think it's reasonable to say whoever gets voted in gets the role, regardless of whether they've done it before. But this is just odd!

Original poster

Rumplepump · 28/09/2012 19:20

I just feel they should both get a shot at it

OP posts:

lisaro · 28/09/2012 19:20

YABU. Would making exceptions for your son make it fair?

Annunziata · 28/09/2012 19:21

Would you feel that if it was the other way round? It's gutting, I know.

Original poster

Rumplepump · 28/09/2012 19:21

DS got the most votes but apparently they always choose the two runners up in order to interview them

OP posts:

Annunziata · 28/09/2012 19:24

Look, it's Friday night and it's only yr3 class rep. Have a glass of wine and forget about it... much worse things happen at sea.

lisaro · 28/09/2012 19:25

Sorry Rumple but taking turns is daft. It's just not how life works, and what if every child wanted to have a turn? You'd be better off teaching him to take defeat well.

Floggingmolly · 28/09/2012 19:25

Maybe the other boy has something your DS doesn't? I doubt he was chosen just because he's a year older.

SilverHoney · 28/09/2012 19:27

I doubt the 'interview' was conducted like a real interview. They probably held it to make the kids feel like the school councillor role was important. They probably just picked the pupil who would best be able to carry out the roles, such as asking prospective staff questions, showing visitors round, speaking in assembly. With the other boy being a year older, I would assume his language / confidence would be (naturally) more advanced? Correct me if I'm wrong!

Sorry your son is disappointed but it's really hard to find a 'fair' way of doing this. Pupil votes = most popular kid getting picked. I hope he can try out again next year.

Tuttutitlookslikerain · 28/09/2012 19:29

I think things like this should be done on votes. And as your DS got the most votes and the other boy has been on the council before then I think your DS should have been made the councillor.

sookiesookie · 28/09/2012 19:30

DD has a july birthday, so I do get it. Its just something you will have to accept, he is younger. Although the only person who thinks this is an issue is you.
Perhaps this boy is a better choice, perhaps allowances were given (as in the interviewer kept it in mind when he answered) because he is a year younger, maybe your son only got to interviews because he is popular with his classmates.

I know its harsh, but you son shouldn't be chosen because its 'fair', that in itself isn't fair.

lydiamama · 28/09/2012 19:33

YABU that is the way democracy works, they vote, then interview, then give the post to the best. Life is like that. He is great for trying, and he may get it next year. It is not a drama.

burmac · 28/09/2012 19:36

both my DDs tried out for school council in their respective years - DD1 old in the year didn't get it and DD2 young in the year did. Really important to teach kids to cope with stuff like this - don't let him be devastated!

WorraLiberty · 28/09/2012 19:38

Your son (and therefore you) will experience many disappointments in life.

I don't think it's helpful to find something to 'blame it on'...in this particular case his age.

By year 3, the 'gap' between the oldest and youngest in the class is more or less closed in most senses of the word and I think in this particular case it should never been seen as a 'reason'.

I'm sure the staff picked the child they thought could handle the job the best...and you and your DS should be very proud that he was nominated by his peers.

claraschu · 28/09/2012 19:42

I hate this kind of crap. Of course the same person shouldn't get the job twice. On the other hand, being councillor is nonsense, and it's not worth thinking about. He will recover soon, especially if you have the attitude that this kind of thing is not important, and you don't get worked up about it, (even when he IS Head Boy, or whatever nonsense they come up with next).

Notmadeofrib · 28/09/2012 19:43

Tell your son to ask for some feedback, it's a good approach for later life. Learn, move on, try again.

WorraLiberty · 28/09/2012 19:44

Why is it nonsense claraschu?

I imagine it is in some schools...but in the majority of school around here, the school council get involved in many school issues and promote all sorts of things on behalf of the children.

mummyonvalium · 28/09/2012 19:49

Before I post my thoughts I am adding a disclaimer - that neither of my children are at yr 3 yet.

I agree with the poster who says that it is part of life and learning to deal with disappointment however, I have a much stronger belief that children only learn responsibility if they are given it. My concern with this situation is that at some point my kid would say "well it is not going to happen so I am not going to try". If this were a pattern that was continually reinforced throughout his school, ie, that he kept on trying and kept on getting knocked back I would be worried and would want to know what was going on.

I think it is definitely fair to ask for feedback and to ask for things that he can work on if he gets to that stage again.

sookiesookie · 28/09/2012 19:50

claraschu is correct. No one should get the job twice, based on merit.
We all know in the real world if you didn't get a promotion at your last interview you will get the next, because that's fair. Even if you are not the best.
And Mr Bolt won't win another gold medal as he has so many already. Doesn't matter if he is the fastest, it wouldn't be fair to keep letting him win.

That is how the real world works isn't it?

Floggingmolly · 28/09/2012 19:51

the same person shouldn't get the job twice. Why not? It happens in all areas of life, the best man for the job gets the job. Why would it be otherwise?
. When they try out for sports teams, choir, school play, etc., the exact same principle will be applied. Just the way it is.

Ghoulelocks · 28/09/2012 19:56

Actually I agree, I run our school council and whoever gets the most votes in each class wins. They have time to speak to their classmates to help them decide to try and avoid it being a popularity contest.

Often the class picks 'unsuitable' choices, they either surprise and make it work or have the status removed for persistent rule breaking and the runner up appointed. I don't think it's fair to interview as then they aren't selected by their peers, which is the whole point of a school council. A good one has a range of children, with not all of them being very articulate for their age but they contribute in other ways.

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