To rehome my child?

[IllageVidiot]

We have 2 dogs 10 and 7.

I came out of the kitchen to find a huge poo on the floor. HUGE and quietly steaming up the tiles. I was about to find a furry behind to place the blame on. After a second I thought 'that is not a dog poo' after a careful step I thought 'the dogs probably wouldn't take their nappy off first'.

My child has flung off his kecks and his underoos in gleeful abandon, squatted one out on the floor and run of giggling like a..er..mad...cackling...thing. If I'm very unlucky he may have peed in the lego box again .

The dogs never void in the house, never chuck dinner on the floor or save peas for Mr Lady who likes them more than me, always do what they're told, wait nicely at the curb, don't kick me in the fanjo or punch me in the boobs when they are on the bed for a cuddle. They're just very much more accomplished at being people than my feral child. They take a bath without complaint and/or ritualistic rubber duck sacrifice. They don't attempt free fall base jumping from the sofa or try and post biscuits through the letter box for 'the pasman'.

I love him dearly, we all do, he's very much part of the family...but things would be very much less stressful if he went somewhere that maybe had a field...or a tazer. AIBU?

We used to think we were quite good at parenting which leads us to believe this one might be a wrong 'un ...uh [reallyf'ingtirednon'smiley']

I found Barbara Woodhouse's technique remarkably successful when preventing mine from escaping too far down the road when let out of school... Only issue was that other people's children also stopped in their tracks . However, mine is quite food orientated, so there are some options to help with training.

Stroppy pre-teens need exercise. You could take the tough love approach & make them do all the housework; then they will be too tired for stroppiness.

Or be very kind & tire them out with a trip to 'Claire's Accessories' & a One Direction concert.

(I wish i was an Auntie with pre-teens. I would love taking them to the cinema, shopping etc etc. But i would want to skip any One Direction concerts. As a Caroline Flack-aged young woman i would feel very concerned for my safety around that Harry Styles lad!)

GoldShip - as for the 'Vibrating Collar' - the little dog is owned by a man who works with my Mum; she told me about it.

So i asked her to say to him that it's likely to be counterproductive to scare a dog into obedience; she has had a word & he now says he doesn't use it any more.

I hope he's telling the truth; because i really would be cross if we see him out & he's using the collar still.

I know he loves his new dog & likes to make a fuss of it; but he told my Mum that he'd got advice from a friend on how to train the dog with this collar - when IMO he should have taken it to puppy training classes instead.

But they are bankrupting me with Claires Bleedin Accessories. And the Mop no, just No!

I agree with the excersise though in principal, I might tie them to back of the car for a run, do you reckon 50 miles at 50MPH would wear them out?

At least he didn't do it on the barber's doorstep or whilst scooting around at speed with a naked bum on a woven sisal rug....both of which have been enjoyed in in my family.

Oh, I Like the barbers doorstep, thats classic.

When I was a toddler I did a poo in the award-winning and internationally renowned Rose Garden of our local park.

I like to think its success owes something to my efforts at fertilisation.

Have you considered shaking a bottle of pebbles at them or shooting them with a water gun when they display undesireable behaviour?

at least yours left it in one pice on the kitchen floor... be grateful that you do not have a spreader...

Ugh, sorry just catching up with all the totally useless because I have tried everything ever great training advice.

I was about to answer and then there was some fuss - after a painful age I worked out not only do I have to feed him but hose him down afterward and then create a parallell universe where he sleeps. I can't understand it, I stand there saying 'I can see your hands child, use them, I know they work as biscuit pilferers!', never works.

I didn't have a bottle with pebbles so I shook a cocktail shaker at him for as long as it took to mix but all that happened was he informed me that 'that's not my jews, I have Thomas big cup Mummy' so he speaks in riddles also.

He is in his room having stories with Daddy and the doggies. I am in here with you lovely lot and a that's a lie I've got a kitkat I'm quite happy with this arrangement!

Vibrating collar - serious face - even I would only taser the wild child a little bit.

My DD aged 2 needed a pee in the park yesterday. Found a suitable tree, dangled her behind it then she proceeded to do a mahoosive dump. Little bugger needed a poo all along but knew I'd make her go home to do the deed.

PLEASE rehome through a reputable rescue, not Gumtree.

Having said that, I am disgusted that you won't even get a behaviourist in, OP. Don't you know that rescues are full of feral toddlers because of people like you? YABVU.

Ah OP, you've made me larf after a miserable day.

My DD used to post mr potato head face + body parts through the letterbox...

My offspring (aged 3) has recently taken to shoving her bum in my face after producing a smelly fart, laughing, and saying "Smell my bum."

I did try to part-exchange her in the local Spa after a fairly stressful recent shopping experience but they wouldn't take her.
My problem is that while I would happily re-home, I kind of want something back in exchange for what I've already put in (both money and time-wise. Like you'd make a bit of money if you sold your house after doing it up a bit). I thought shopping was a good exchange but the lady in the shop said not.
I figure if I miss her, I can always make another one - there was no start-up fee so that's not a barrier.
So I'm thinking E-Bay at the moment. At least I may get a small return on my investment.

DC No 2 has developed a nasty whine. I have discussed with DH and we are going to spray liberally with WD40 and leave to stand overnight (DH is quite attached to DC2 so wasn't too keen on the rehoming ).

Bang some pans over your child's head. They will quickly learn that you are pack leader. Problem solved!

You could give them to the sprogtrust, they never put a healthy one down, and loads of people will sponsor them too!

Boarding school will teach him, will make him up

Sigh

We have lots of fun games of hunt the poo.

Cupboard under the stairs was a recent triumph. Took us aaages to sniff that one out. (literally)

Willing to part ex on some chickens if anyones interested?

I have a large pack 3 females who are in general well behaved although they do have some dominance issues as in they all think they are alpha female.

The problem is the 2 year old untrainable feral boy, he used to bite but has outgrown that, he is rubbish at walking on a lead (reins), does nothing he is told, has absolutely no recall either.

Should I rehome him?

Brilliant replies, hooting here - Dh failed to stifle a snort while telling me how terrible I am for publicly trading our sproggo.

Sweetkitty - I think...I'm pretty sure actually - could you go and check his bedroom because I'm convinced that is my son masquerading as a child of both of us, like that cat Six Dinner Sid that got found out when he got taken to the vet for nasty medicine by 6 different 'owners'. Hang on, I'll get the 'nasty' calpol out and if sprout runs away I'll know!!

sweetkitty I have the same problem with recall. Absolutely none at all. Other dog owners parents tell me this is a training issue but nothing I do seems to make any difference at all. DD walks well on leash though except for when she sits down, grinds her bum into the ground and shouts "poo" at the top of her voice, even when there isn't one.

Thixotropic (I always think of A/D when I see thixotropic - throwback to the old career!) - I would love some chickens. But I have none to give you in exchange for any other small person likely to wave a bum in my face, fart on me or play a quick game of hide-a-shite (or poo in the park 'but I wanna do a poo behind the tree! lol!) Sorry - I'm still waiting for any takers at all.

And, behaviourist, pah. I'm not made of money. It would take approximately 10 days worth of wine or chocs to fix him. Not in my lifetime!

People like you disgust me. Honestly, you go and have babys willy nilly as a dog substitute and as soon as the real deal turns up you want to get rid.

Sorry but its your responsibility , you need to deal with mess.

Have you tried positive reinforcement. Get the child used to the toilet command reward with Smarties and lots of praise, afterward?

Right, just put him down already. You can always have another one in a few years when it is more convenient for you.

What, like...talk to him?

You sound mental to me lady. I bet you're a tree hugger and object to people feeding hamsters biscuits all day. MC snobbery is alive and well on MN!!!