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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let DS2 go to school very early?

94 replies

Ferrybridge · 26/09/2012 08:58

He's year 5 and likes to have some time in the playground before school.

This morning he left home at 8:15, meaning he would have been in school before 8:20. The classroom doors open at 8:45 and official school start is 8:55. It was compounded this morning as it's raining hard (In my defense wasn't raining quite so hard when he went out)

Anyway, I did suggest he didn't want to be wet in school all day, but he was determined and I thought, Oh well, you'll learn, so let him go.

So, he regularly has half and hour unsupervised in the playground and today he will be wet through. Will the school be judging me? If they are I hope this will be the only thing. In all other , I'm a model school mum, cakes baked, healthy packed lunch, reading diary completed regularly, assemblies attended letters returned promptly, named & correct school uniform, rarely speak to teacher outside parents evening (but always turn up and arrive on time for that) etc

OP posts:

Original poster

Ferrybridge · 26/09/2012 09:33

He's not the only one there a this time, that's why he likes to go, to have time with his friends.

I am completely aware that he's unsupervised and don't expect the school to have any responsibility, but I don't see it as any different to "playing out" which is also unsupervised, but at least the school playground is away from the roads.

He goes on his own, about 2 min walk. If he needed me before school officially opens, he would come home. If something terrible happened, yes I would expect a nearby adult to help, but to me that's just decent human behaviour and I would expect the same if he was playing in the street (and would do the same myself)

Really TeeBee you'd never allow a 9 yo any unsupervised time? It's not long before DS2 will be getting the bus on his own to secondary school. I accept this might not be the best time and place to do it, but I've been working hard on letting go and allowing some independence. He went and bought milk yesterday, while I waited in the car park. Is that also terrible of me?

The school have never expressed an opinion or issued any letters about the time Dc should be in - except regarding lateness

OP posts:

coppertop · 26/09/2012 09:34

Our school has a strict policy about children not being allowed to be unsupervised on the school premises before the school doors open.

If he was playing in a park it would be different, but not the school playground.

Arithmeticulous · 26/09/2012 09:35

Our HT sent a few emails about this - kids unsupervised in the playground from 8.20 etc. Then as that made little difference, he started waiting on the gate and turning them away. If their parents had already scarpered, or they'd walked in alone, then he took them into Breakfast club and invoiced the cost to the parents.

DigestivesWithPhiladelphia · 26/09/2012 09:36

I think it depends on the school. My 7 year old goes to a school where children can be dropped from 8am - there is an indoor canteen where they can buy a hot roll for breakfast or they just stay outside & play.

That time isn't officially supervised outside - the children get dropped off & enter the school by themselves and they don't sign in anywhere. My DS asks to be dropped as early as possible every morning & is normally there just after 8am so that he can play with his friends in the playground before school starts.

Looking at what I've written, I can see that it doesn't sound that safe! But actually, the school only takes children from age 7 onwards, the whole school is securely gated off and there are always staff on the premises fr the time that 'breakfast club' starts (as well as in the canteen) so I know my DS could find a member of staff of necessary. I also know that once he's gone into school/the playground, he wouldn't dream of leaving the premises before the classroom opens at 8.30.

Original poster

Ferrybridge · 26/09/2012 09:37

Really lisad123? in the whole school there are no children who arrive unaccompanied?

OP posts:

Halfling · 26/09/2012 09:39

I don't think it is safe. You shouldn't be doing this.

What if some paedophile took note of his unsupervised play time? What if your son had a playground accident?

I hope I am not scaremongering but I was 10 yo, when I wandered off during a school fete in my very elite and strict catholic school, which had every safety measure in place. A stranger (most probably the gardener) pawed my chest and pinched my bottom and disappeared before I could barely react. I was so ashamed and shell shocked that I did not tell anyone about the incident.

And to this day I have anxiety attacks because of it. Very recently, I went to attend the committee meeting in my DS school and it was late and the school grounds were deserted. I had to take off my shoes and run to the school building and could barely breathe.

BigBoobiedBertha · 26/09/2012 09:39

Ours aren't allowed in until 8.40 am for an 8.50am start. You are supposed to wait in the playground with them if you arrive early. However, probably the school wouldn't say or do anything, the teachers are too busy getting ready for their classes to be watching the playground. They are covering their backs should anything happen to the child.

They also have a breakfast club for parents who want to drop their children off early so the assumption is that if either put your child in breakfast club or are responsible for them yourself.

I assume you don't take him as you seem to live very close to the school but I am wondering why you let him leave home quite so early. What is the point of saying he'll learn and then fretting about how it looks and how wet he will be? If you think it is too soon then do let him leave.

Ragwort · 26/09/2012 09:40

Well if the school have never expressed an opinion on this then fair enough, it's just that many schools have very strict policies on this sort of thing particularly in the current climate of blame culture.

I was more than happy to let my 9 year old DS play out in the rain etc. so it was nothing to do with me being 'over-protective' but our school did have a strict policy about not being in school before a specific time and I am a great believer in following the rules.

DH and I run a scout group and the time that the children are 'messing around' and liable to have an accident is always before or after the meeting times. My brother, also a Scout Leader (now given up for obvious reasons) was sued by a parent because their son broke his leg playing football after the scout meeting had ended .

BigBoobiedBertha · 26/09/2012 09:41

Sorry, last line should be 'don't let him leave'!

slartybartfast · 26/09/2012 09:42

erm why probably the gardener?

ReallyTired · 26/09/2012 09:44

I think its the nanny state gone mad. Its no wonder that 33% of year 6 kids are obcese if they are discouraged from running about the playground before school.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-19661085

Surely its better than the children watching TV. If boys (or girls) want to run about the playground at 8.20 then prehaps the school needs to think about supervision rather than stopping them. A school I used to work at had an early morning free play multi sports club run by two TAs. In good whether the children went into the playground and in bad weather they ran about in the hall.

Feminine · 26/09/2012 09:45

Too early IMO.

We will have a similar situation soon, we will be 2 mins from school also.

DS9 will have to wait

The secondary school thing has nothing to do with it, he can learn other forms of independence in the next two years.

10-15 mins one thing , any earlier just tell him "no"

Halfling · 26/09/2012 09:45

I assumed he was a gardener because he had a pair of gardening secateurs in his hands, before he approached me. That is the only thing I remember about the man.

seeker · 26/09/2012 09:46

I would be quite happy for my child to walk to school or play unsupervised, but it isn't fair on the school. They would be in a very tricky position legally in the incredibly unlikely event of an accident. And if OFSTED were aware that they were allowing this they would take a very dim view indeed.

Could your ds meet his friends a park and walk to school from there?

slartybartfast · 26/09/2012 09:47

terrible halfling

seeker · 26/09/2012 09:47

Reallytired- and who pays for the pre school time supervision?

Pooka · 26/09/2012 09:51

Yes schoo, will be judging.

Our school says children shouldn't unsupervised on school site before 8.45am, which is when there is playground cover.

Tuttutitlookslikerain · 26/09/2012 09:52

YABU IMVHO.

Do you let him do everything he "likes" or is "determined" to do?

It is not fair on the teacher's to have the added responsibility of keeping an eye out for your DS and his friends while they are running around in the playground. And they will have to be, because I doubt there will be other parents around for at least 20 minutes before the doors open in the rain. As for if he had an accident you'd expect a nearby adult to help him, really? So you do want the teachers to look out for him?

Just tell him, no he can't go, it's too early and he sees his friends all day!

Original poster

Ferrybridge · 26/09/2012 09:53

Hafling, that must have been awful, but that happened at a busy supervised event and I refuse to see pedophiles round every corner. I know they exist, but I can't keep my DC in the house all the time, that carries it's own (and IMO greater) risk of poor physical and mental health, now and in the future.

Bertha, I let him go early because he wants to and because I like the fact that he "wants" to go to school. I'm not worried about his safety, or him getting wet, but I wonder if I'm being judged (probably it seems). I do consider myself responsible until school opens.

OP posts:

seeker · 26/09/2012 09:55

You're not being judged, by me at least. But I'm looking at it from the point of view of the school. They should not be allowing this to happen, and will get into trouble if the LEA or OFSTED find out.

ByTheWay1 · 26/09/2012 09:56

Our school doesn't have playground "supervision" before school at all... why would it? Kids arrive for school and go in when the doors open.

Up til that time their parents are held responsible for them - whether there or not.... you are expected to accompany them to school until Y4- some do, some don't

Our primary/infant/reception combined school has 400 pupils, and strangely enough they manage to behave before school - if anyone misbehaves enough to be noticed, their parents get called, the child has to sit outside the office 'til parents arrive. It doesn't happen often.

If they are there early I would say that is fine - so long as you realise that you are responsible for them 'til they are inside the school doors - not the school.

Pooka · 26/09/2012 09:57

If you choose to send him to the prk to ply nsupervised then that is entirely up to you. I would with my year 5'er.

But I wouldn't let her go to someone else's property to play unsupervised iyswim - because then would be placing responsibility for her onto the owners of the site. In your case, the school.

Even if you wouldn't sue if there was a problem, the school would prob feel awful, and I'm sure there are parents that would.

My dcs get plenty of exercise before school because I'm cursed with always being early everywhere. So we get to school before there's playground cover, but I'm there because I have younger dcs.

Nanny0gg · 26/09/2012 09:57

My school wouldn't be happy - we tried not opening the gates till 8.30 but then had children hanging about on the pavement because parents still sent them.
I think in the winter and when it's this wet you are being very U. Anyway, I did suggest he didn't want to be wet in school all day, but he was determined and I thought, Oh well, you'll learn, so let him go. He won't 'learn' he's a boy! It was your job to do more than 'suggest'. It is okay to say No to children sometimes.

If he's soaked before school, they won't be happy. And why should they be? They're the ones to interrupt Registration to sort him out into dry PE kit or whatever.

Original poster

Ferrybridge · 26/09/2012 10:00

No Tuttu, I don't let him do everything he wants to do, not by a long stretch, i am very good at saying no to my DCs, but this, to me, seems like a good thing for him to do. He does see his friends all day, but they don't actually get much free play time, which I believe is important for development.

No I really don't expect teachers to look out for him, but if something terrible happened (that broken leg) I would expect someone nearby to help until I got there. Exactly the same as if he fell off his bike in the street.

OP posts:

seeker · 26/09/2012 10:04

I do feel invisible today! The school should not allow this. They would be in trouble with the LEA and /or OFSTED if they found out. It is not fair to the schoolnto do this.

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