WIBU to tell DS (6) to hit back if someone hurts him?

[MoomieAndFreddie]

I am shaking with anger and close to tears.

Picked DS up from school and on the way home he tells me that a boy pushed him over in the playground, hurt his leg, then two girls jumped on the leg he had hurt.

He says he told his bitch teacher but it was nearly time to go back in the class so she just ignored him and told him to get in the line

This is about the 3rd time something like this has happened, I won't have anyone treating any of my DC like a victim - I am that tempted to tell him to hit back, seeing as the fucking teachers dont even seem to give a shit

I was bullied all through secondary school and I swear if I had have just battered the first person who picked on me no one else would have! my teachers didnt give a fuck either and my parents told me to "just ignore them" or "tell a teacher" sorry but that just doesnt work

my school life was a living hell and the thought of any of my kids going through anything near as bad makes me want to throw myself off a bridge

sorry to be melodramatic but i think anyone who has been bullied will understand

I always said first time they do it tell a teacher. If the teacher does nothing or speaks to them but it happens again come home and tell me and I will speak to the teacher. If it STILL happens again then you hit them back and make sure it's hard enough that they don't come back a second time. NEVER hit first.

I got bullied in primary and secondary school, however I would never tell my child to hit back ever.
My five year old got hit and bitten by another child in his foundation year, the school handled the situation really well and I was happy with the out come.
You need to make an appointment with the teacher or head and discuss it.
Telling your child to hit is not the answer

Mine have been told to hit back.

I have told the teacher that I have told them this.

I would rather they got in trouble for fighting than got bullied.

This ^^

I would tell him to hit back if it got to a point where he felt like that was the only thing left to do to defend himself.

This is what most of us would tend to do in real life, even as adults.

You try other options first. You try talking the situation down if thats possible, if not then saying assertively to stop, progressing to yelling to stop, and finally yes, if you need to, hitting back.

In an ideal world, none of it would ever get to this point, or a teacher/policeman would magically swoop down to sort things out. But in the real world, where you can suddenly find yourself up against a very real, physical attacker, then yes, I believe everybody (including children) has the right to self-defend physically.

But that is the key, self-defend, not escalate the attack, not happily punch someone in the face because they elbowed you on their way past, but genuinely try all of your options to defuse the situation first, before using physical force (minimal necessary) to protect yourself.

I have taught my children to WALK AWAY.

They are smart enough to talk themselves out of most situations.

I do accept they may one day be faced with a situation where their only option is to throw a punch, and for this reason both my boys know how to punch properly.

My sort of nephew decided he was at breaking point and hit back HARD, floored the shit that was picking on him, he had been told by his elders that would end it... did it heck, the next day and for months after there were lads literally queuing up to have a go. Some lads were from other schools!

It really didn't help at all.

We teach our Year 7 children to make a stop gesture and say loudly 'No, you do not do that to me', then leave and find a member of staff.

Seems to work well.

OP, you need to speak to the teacher calmly and find out what happened. If they aren't doing anything to protect your son, then obviously that is shit and you need to take appropriate action. I would caution against going in all guns blazing. A friend's son was very upset, saying that "Jason" in his class had hit his head and told him he was going to throw him out of the window. My friend went in to demand action, only to be told that there wasn't even a "Jason" in the school, let alone the class. Her son had got it all from Toy Story.

whathasthecatdonenow, my children were taught to do that at primary school.

DD would say it to her older brothers, who would then say, "Sorry, I can't quite hear you. What was that?"

Ah, but older brothers are a whole different kettle of fish!

I always said walk away to my DD1 but I expect it is very different with boys.

Mine are girls - I'm finding they have to hold their own against the (often much bigger) boys.

Make a formal complaint to the school and then enrol him in karate classes. Fantastic for confidence and self discipline and defending yourself when necessary.

YANBU. I was bullied at school and despite telling the teachers it was never stopped. It only stopped when I hit back, and what they didn't know was that I had been taught to Box, properly, many years before by my Uncle, which is why I had never hit back before as I had it drilled into me that I must not hit back because I knew how to hit IYSWIM.

DS1 was bullied, and I told him to hit back, but only if he was hit first. When the HT at school tried to discipline him for this, by detention, after an incident when he hit back, to get the bully off him, and immediately told a teacher when he could, I asked her this:-

"If you were walking down the street, and someone ran up to you and hit you, would you hit back to get away and then tell the Police, or would you stand there and take it and just say "please go away so I can tell the Police"" She had no answer. The detention was cancelled.

Modre, I think you do right to talk to the teacher about your views.
I have told the teacher that I have told mine to fight back,so we are clear that I will back them up.

Thank you for all the advice

Am surprised at all the posters who said they would tell their dc to hit back as well - thought i would get shot down in flames

will be having a calm as possible word with his teacher this morning

There is no hard and fast answer to this issue as it depends massively on the individual bully and what their personality is like.

You get the type that if you fight back (either through violence or by reporting them) they'll leave you alone and you get the type that will escalate the situation. The latter type are the worst to deal with, if you hit them back they might hit you harder, if you fight back and win they'll come with friends next time and if you report them they just catch you when there are no teachers around. My best coping strategy while I was at school was to put up just enough of a fight that they moved on to an easier target but not enough that I bruised their ego enough to warrant them escalating.

This type of bully is the one that schools seem to have the most issues dealing with. I've seen kids get suspension after suspension but the school never takes the next step regardless of the damage they're causing to other students.

There are kids that due to one psychological reason or another have no business being in mainstream education it's about time we admitted as much to ourselves. If the level of harrassment/disruption that these people caused happened in the workplace they'd get sacked or the company would be paying out big money in compensation. Just because this happens in school is no excuse; the right of the victim to an education outweigh that of the bully.

You need to speak to school before you tell your son to hit anyone.