To finally rudely tell my neighbour loudly to Mind His Own Business this morning?

[akaemmafrost]

I am feeling quite angry to ready to brave AIBU.

I home educate ds atm. Its not a long term solution but he has various disabilities including Autism and Dyspraxia. Hopefully later this year we will be able to find a suitable placement but for now he is being educated by me in a very informal way at home.

Small background. He has always struggled at school because of his conditions and at his first school he was managed very badly by staff with no understanding of his conditions. It was hell on earth for him really . We persevered and persevered and moved school at the final school he was assaulted by one of his teachers and for two weeks in a row, each day he came home with bruises and abrasions all over his body and face from being restrained. Quite simply school had bottomed out, he was totally unable to cope with it he was being harmed and Self Harming (biting, scratching, punching himself) almost daily. Finally we removed him, it was a massive decision and not one we took lightly, we perserved in what was for him a hellish environment for three years.

Every morning as I return from dropping my other child at school my neighbour asks why ds isn't in school. I tell him. Quite often I can brush him off though on occasion I have stopped to fully explain why ds is not in school and about his conditions. This morning my neighbour again stopped me and actually started shouting at me in my own garden that "that boy needs to be in school, you are making him stupid, I will be speaking to someone about this, enough is enough!" I again tried to explain and ended up telling him about ds being harmed at school, his response? "well he was obviously being badly behaved wasn't he?" I am afraid I lost it and told him "you are obviously too stupid to understand what I KEEP trying to tell you so just mind you own BUSINESS" and walked off he carried on shouting after me and I just kept telling him (heatedly ) to mind his own business. All this in front of ds who now has the red cheeks (big sign of impending meltdown) and is totally stressed out by it all.

Anyway feel utterly rubbish now but its just another incident of ignorance I suppose, its not like I am not used to it. Just feel like a bit of a fishwife .

It is none of his business.
It is ok to be concerned if a child is out of school but NOT if you have been told even ONCE that the child is being home edded, let alone a dozen times.

I do not think the OP let herself down. Just one outburst after weeks of prodding? I think she has done brilliantly.

If ex's chat doesn't work, you could call the police non-emergency number and explain that your neighbour is shouting threats at you on a daily basis, and ask them to come and have a word with him.

If he is yelling, you can ignore and walk past. If he grabs the scooter, you could fix him with a steely glare and say "you are harassing us. You are breaking the law. Stop this behaviour at once or I will report you to the police" in your best Teacher-telling-off-a-ten-year-old voice. At which point he'll tell you that you are a silly woman who can't take a joke, but you can walk off and ignore that.

Or you could stop next to him, ignore whatever he is saying, and describe the situation to your ds. "The silly neighbour just doesn't listen does he? Perhaps he is getting old and can't remember things. We don't speak to people like that because it is rude and disrespectful. He is not being very nice, is he? Perhaps that's why no one likes him. Still, we have to make allowances for people who aren't very clever, like him" That would be so much fun (if he doesn't get wound up and think you need beating up, that is).

Do you have to obtain permssion from the local authority to keep yur child out of full time education?

If so, presumably if he telephoned the local authority they will tell him that all is 'legal'?

Grabbing the scooter is the act you need to get it classed as harassment since he made sure you couldn't walk away.

What a shit.

YANBU. It is none of his business and you don't need to explain anything to him. I would suggest not entering into any conversation and simply avoiding him from now on, pretend not to hear if he speaks to you, look the other way etc whenever possible. And say no more than 'I am not discussing it with you', firmly and repeatedly if it becomes necessary.

I don't blame you at all for reacting, but I do think that he's maybe not operating quite normally. In other words, you may never "win" with him because he's not entirely rational.

I think your DH having a word is probably a good idea. A letter after that if it continues

I have to admit, I've worked with people with dementia and that was my first thought when you said you'd explained this over and over, and the fact he has temper issues. It might not be a bad thing at all if he came to the attention of the authorities, for everyone's good.

Then again he might just be an arse

Jamie that was my first thought, until the OP said that he said "enough is enough" so he obviously remembered that her DS wasnt going to school daily.

I dont think it is dementia, he sounds like a bullying cockhole.

I don't understand about the scooter, OP. Why did he have a hold of your DS's scooter? Why does he refuse to give it back? How on earth can it be construed as a joke?

Ds hides from me in the garden and jumps up and shouts boo when I come in. Same place every time . He leaves his scooter on the path. Sometimes neighbour picks it up and hides it or pretends he's going off on it. Also if ds is eating something he'll ask for some and pretend to try to take it. Ds does not respond at all to people he doesn't know very well, only family and close friends. I have to prompt him to respond, it's very common in kids with autism. Also last week neighbour spoke to him and ds did not respond, I prompted him and neighbour said very sharply to him "you don't need your Mum to tell you to speak, speak to me!". Ds obviously ignored him . But It's like he cannot stand to believe that ds has anything wrong and has to prove different. Actually I am reading this back and it is adding up to a picture of bullying isn't it?

It seems to be a constant mission to prove there is nothing actually wrong with ds and it's me being a stupid woman. I've dealt with this before including ds's own Dad till he had a stern talking too from a doctor and with various family members but they usually take the time to educate themselves and without fail it has clicked with them and they apologise and feel terrible for what they put ds through because of their disbelief. This man seems to be actually getting angry about it though, even though it has jack all to do with him!

What the hell has it got to do with him fgs?!
Even if your DS was 'just being naughty' even if your son was 'just being rude'
that wouldn't give your neighbour the right to comment on you or your parenting.
He is just some bloke who lives next door!

I agree with the PP who said you shouldn't engage with him further. A very curt 'I do not want to discuss my child with you' is enough.

Actually I would tell him to fuck off but I am deeply common.

He sounds like my mum. She's getting dementia I think. she knows far better than anybody else about anything. mad rantings on things she has no experience of. Her current obsession is trying to force my ds to change my nephew's name - because he'll never get a job with that name. He should have my late father (her deceased dh's name) instead.

Best thing to do is tell him absolutely nothing. Don't give him any information. He'll use it as ammunition against you. Go about your business and tell him to mind his own.

God he sounds awful! Normally I'd be quite charitable about the scooter and food 'jokes' in an elderly person, and think that it's just them being a bit clumsy in their efforts to interact with your child. But this sounds different, to be honest, and as though you are right in thinking that he's got a bee in his bonnet about trying to prove that there's nothing wrong with your ds.

Did your ex have a word with him?

No he's not been round for kids yet so not had a chance but neighbour was not lurking in the garden this morning which is very unusual. Maybe my womanly tantrum has scared him off a bit.