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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am being unreasonable but is it ok to shit my pants?

48 replies

thebeesnees79 · 24/09/2012 07:45

I am 37 weeks with our third baby. we already have a 5 & 3 year old.
My mum was going to be on stand by when I go into labour but my uncle who is dying of cancer has took a turn for the worst. He lives abroad and my parents are flying out asap to see him (probably the last time.)
I know they need to go but I am scared to give birth alone and if I do go while they are away my Dh will have to stay home to mind our two children.
Am I being unreasonable to shit my pants at the prospect of birthing alone Sad
Or should I just woman up and get on with it

OP posts:
Fairylea · 24/09/2012 07:47

Doula ??

NopofacehaveI · 24/09/2012 07:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 24/09/2012 07:49

Is there really really no one else who could/would have the children?

It´s certainly a thing that I would do for someone in your situation.
(Can´t offer in RL unfortunately as I´m in Germany)

Sirzy · 24/09/2012 07:49

Is there nobody else who can look after your other 2 children so he can come with you?

Original poster
thebeesnees79 · 24/09/2012 07:49

its so late on, I only have 3 weeks (well any time in the next three weeks anyway)
& my dh was with me for my other two I trust him.
Had two not so straight forward births, the first got stuck & the second was born blue and floppy :(

OP posts:
IWishIWasSheRa · 24/09/2012 07:51

Bless you, sorry to hear about your uncle.
It's unnerving because not what you planned but you will be fine! You could use a babysitter- perhaps a helpful kind teacher from pre-school to look after the kids? Rope a friend in to look after the kids or leave your dh to look after the kids and ask a friend to go with you- whoever you ask will be pleased to help out and if I were asked to be a second choice birthing partner i would see it as a huge privilege! It will all work out and am sure you will be marvellous!

SlipperyNipple · 24/09/2012 07:51

Could you get a registered babysitter to be on call? Friends that would babysit? Most people would go out of their way to help in this situation.

FutTheShuckUp · 24/09/2012 07:51

Where in the country are you?

Original poster
thebeesnees79 · 24/09/2012 07:52

I don't know who else to ask. I normally go into labour through the night, so its not fair (is it?) to expect someone to be awake all night?
My son was born at 6am & daughter at 4. I don't want to have the stress of the two kids being left with just anyone while I am giving birth either. aagggghh, I wish I could have a date and time so I could organise something

OP posts:
vvviola · 24/09/2012 07:55

Honestly, ask someone if they'll look after the other DC for you. One of the Mums at school? You may not even have to ask if you let it be known that you have no childcare.

When I was expecting DD2, the elderly lady across the road who I was on nodding terms with, came over and insisted (half in French half in English - we were in Brussels at the time) that we should absolutely call on her if required. And that was on top of all the friends and colleagues who offered.

I also have a friend who went into labour unexpectedly the day before she was due to move home. She ended up dropping her DC to a colleague who heard they were very stuck. People truly will surprise you.

Fairylea · 24/09/2012 07:55

What about dhs family ?

diddl · 24/09/2012 07:56

"to expect someone to be awake all night?"

Well, if it happens at night-that´ll be you!!

They´ll just come to your house & sleep until the children get up, won´t they?

Sirzy · 24/09/2012 07:56

Do you have any other family or close friends? I am sure they would be happy to be woken up to help out.

SlipperyNipple · 24/09/2012 07:56

I would get up in the middle of the night for a labouring woman. I really would. You are just seeing problems but the answer is there. Leave your kids with a friend or babysitter. They will be fine. Just talk them through the possibility of waking up with whoever it is making them breakfast.

loopyluna · 24/09/2012 07:57

I went into labour while DH was at a party with our, then, 6 and 3 year olds. He was inundated with offers of help and the DC were v happy and excited to be invited for an inpromtu sleepover with friends!
Surely your DH could find someone -neighbour, colleague, friend... to help out with the other children for a couple of hours so he can be there.

YellowDinosaur · 24/09/2012 07:58

If do this like a shot for a friend and not necessarily just a close friend. Talk to people about your situation and you'll probably get lots of offers of help without even having to ask

ProPerformer · 24/09/2012 07:59

Honestly OP I'm sure a real friend wouldn't give two hoots about being on call during the night for something like this, either to go with you or to look after your kids. Ask your friends - I think you may be very pleasantly surprised. Have you thought of asking a neighbour to look after your kids? I know it may not be ideal but at least it would be someone they recognise even if they don't know them as such.

ll31 · 24/09/2012 07:59

Was alone having ds -was fine. I'm sure you'll get someone -neighbours? If you don't you'll be fine -prob get better attention from hospital staff. Don't stress, good luck

ripsishere · 24/09/2012 08:00

I agree with everyone else. I'd drop everything to help. Unfortunately, I am unsuitable due to living in Malaysia now.

HSMM · 24/09/2012 08:03

I got up in the middle of the night when my friend went into labour, to collect her children. I also stayed up all night to be a birthing partner for another friend. I am a childminder and I have been on call for mindees parents if they needed me overnight.

It is always a privalege to help a woman in labour and hopefully you will find someone who will come to your house to watch your children, or collect them and take them home.

Original poster
thebeesnees79 · 24/09/2012 08:06

My folks are retired (that's why we asked them) The dh family all work. Maybe I am thinking too much into it. I know the kids would be more than happy to be left with his brother (their uncle) but he works and I don't want him to be in trouble with his work.
I have a one to one midwife that I will ask if she can come with me. I hope she is on duty when I go into labour, or keeping baby in till I go over due would be a good option lol

OP posts:
maddening · 24/09/2012 08:06

Doula or cm/nanny/babysitter for children so Dh can be with you?

throckenholt · 24/09/2012 08:09

How long is your mum likely to be abroad ? Was she planning to stay long term with her brother ? If not - chances are she will be back before you give birth. Do you have a history of early births ? At 37 weeks it could be any time in the next 5 weeks.

Punkatheart · 24/09/2012 08:12

If you were close (geographically) to me, I would go with you. Blimey, you may end up with most of Mumsnet in there with you....now there's a thought!

CouthyMowWearingOrange · 24/09/2012 08:13

I'm sure lots of your friends would be happy to look after your DC's for you! I have looked after 3 people's DC's while they have been in labour, and been a birthing partner twice. Ask your friends! There will be at least one who will be happy to come sit with your DC's.