to hate living in the country?

[Hullygully]

IT'S SO BORING I HATE IT I HATE IT

I can certainly see the attraction of city life. I could quite like a Sex And The City lifestyle of art galleries, theatre, eating out every night, etc. Just not sure the reality would be like that.

One of the local teens here collapsed in the middle of the village at tea time one day last week - on a school night! After smoking/snorting/ingesting some sort of legal high.

One upside/downside of village life is the gossip - with 40 mins this morning I'd heard about this, and about someone else who'd been snogging someone he shouldn't have been over the weekend and someone else who'd been suspended from his job.

Everyone knows everything about your business.

Hully I feel your pain. I have 3 friends who moved out to rural/semi rural areas "for the sake of the children" when they approached secondary school age and they're all as fucking miserable as sin - one of DS1's friends came down to visit for the weekend and refused to go back "to that shithole" and his parents had to bribe him with a new x-box to make him go back. I live in SE London and 3 of the 5 schools DS1 applied to were rated as outstanding by Ofsted, I honestly think the school situation is much better than people think.
I can see some advantages to living in the country with smaller kids but older kids/teenagers don't want to climb trees and go for country hikes, they want cinemas and swimming pools and skateboard parks which they can get to on the bus for free.
There's a theatre down the road from us that does regular seasons of plays for under 5's which I take DS2 to. My DD goes to steel pan and flamenco classes and DS1 goes to DJ workshops and a young screen-writers club and can take himself off to a free gig in Trafalgar square whenever he feels like it.
The festival hall has free events in the ballroom most Sundays ranging from Mexican rock bands to Viennese string quartets with an audience of music buffs and marauding toddlers mixing quite amicably.
The turbine hall in the Tate modern is quite happy for children to spend hours sliding or scootering down the slope and none of the serious gallery-goers mind.
A field is a field but the South bank has different impromptu street acts every day ranging from fire eaters to brass bands.
Sorry, Hully, that probably hasn't helped much.
Oh, and despite being 20 mins away from central London, we have a village green, a fishmongers, greengrocers and fab bakery. And we're within 20 mins walk/bus ride from 4 huge parks.
Sorry, I'll shut up now.

that's what I can't bear - I actually drive to town rather than enter the village shop - they are always standing around indulging in petty gossip....

stop it upsylazy!

Ivor, as Sarah has said, roads in Lincs are appalling. Getting from one end of the county to the other can take hours- something to bear in mind.

Also jobs are not thick on the ground and salaries are appalling.

What did it for me was just the total lack of opportunity for my DD who was only 3 when we left. There is really nothing for kids to do unless their parents are prepared to drive them everywhere. I cried when we left- with happiness! XH was so stubborn about going back even though we knew it was a mistake within months so had to sit it out for 4 years until he had a reality check.

I was born and raised in London, but wouldn't go back (can't afford it and both DP and I work south of London). I currently live in Hove and to me that offers everything I want. Great shopping and social life and only 10 mins drive to the South Downs which is beautiful. I do far more walking down here than I did in Lincolnshire. I am not a die hard townie by any means, I am a keen horse rider and like getting out in the country, but that is very different to living there.

I had similar rose tinted ideas of what country life was like but I can tell you as a die hard southerner I really struggled in Lincolnshire. My mother's family come from up there so I knew the area well (or so I thought). My country living stint nearly cost me my sanity and definitely my marriage.

I know its horses for courses, but you really need to think about what is in it for you- and no, crocheting and making jam ain't going to happen!

Will stop rambling, but I just don't want you or anyone to learn the very very hard way as I did.

oooh, Upsylazy, are you in Nunhead??

susitwoshoes Yes! (Although when I want a bit more urban street cred, I say I live in Peckham).

YANBU.

I moved to the country and it is boring. Moreover, what people don't tell you is that country folk are frequently rude, nosey and very gossipy.

If you lived next to my in laws, you would not be bored and depressed, Hully.

They may well live in the arse end of nowhere and tell us NEVER TO MOVE TO THE COUNTRY BECAUSE PEOPLE HAVE STUPID CHOCOLATE BOX VILLAGE FANTASIES AND ACTUALLY IT'S A VERY HARD LIFE but they are tremendous pissheads and would make sure you were permanently half cut to take the edge of your misery.

Thanks Perdita. I don't know what to doooooooooo

I don't really mean it about jam-making and blackberry collecting. I don't make jam here, I can barely make egg on toast, so I'd be equally culinarily useless anywhere.

But but...

I think your in laws live just along the coast road from here, Proudnscary :)

I think a lot of us non-Londoners who have lived in London have our view skewed by our own experiences of shitty flats long commutes away from any decent restaurants, caffs, galleries. I found I may as well be living in a crappy market town, for all the culture I got - by the time your working week is done you're a) knackered and b) broke.

Much prefer smaller cities for that reason, although I can see how if you've the money and the time to get places, or live somewhere that isn't a million miles from the Tube and/or is nice anyway, that life in London can be great. I also suspect that transport there is better than it was in the 90s (which is when I imagine a lot of MNers studied or worked there as young graduates).

I reckon London is a good place to be a sahm, or a self employed business person. Someone with a bit of money, probably.
It's bloody hard to be poor there, and work, and have young children.

I think somewhere like Sheffield, Newcastle or Bristol would have a lot of the benefits of London, without the drawbacks.

All that stuff about rural teens is spot on. The biggest druggies I have ever known have been from places like Devon.
When I was a teen I spent my time safely in nightclubs and pubs, not getting gang banged in a field on magic mushrooms.
I always think of this when I watch re-location, and those mad couples who are relocating to the arse end of nowhere after they have their first baby (and buying a mahoosive house with a paddock)
I nod wisely to myself and say "It'll end up like The Shining. You mark my words."

I know which town you mean Perdita. And I agree with you wholeheartedly, it's got worse since you left, the town centre is practically deserted now.

Ivor, if you really want good schooling, grit your teeth, get your DC into the grammar that boards, and Stay Put.

Oh, and the drug bit is spot on, it's rife here. They let off a firework to let you know the new shipment has arrived.

Sadly, that last bit is 100% true.

upsylazy - ha! I'm Peckham and I have no urban street cred to speak of.

NowThen - London is a good place to be a SAHM as there's loads to do, and I don't think you have to have loads of money to enjoy it - parks a-go-go, city farms, museums, galleries - most are free and if you're central only a bus ride away which doesn't cost much. And the bus is an adventure in itself, in more ways than one.

sorry, Hully, really not helping. The planes are a bit of a drag?

Ivor, have a very long hard look at exactly what you think the reasons are for wanting to move. Any problems you think you have now will not magically disappear just because you have moved to Lincs (or anywhere else). You will just end up acquiring a whole load of new ones!

It was very very lonely and all the friends who said they would come and visit regularly, well, two of them came

What is it that you think moving to Lincs will offer you that you don't have now? Take away all the subjective stuff and nice views and percieved lifestyle (as a lot of posters have said, there are a lot of misconceptions around 'country life') then make yourself a list. Look at what you can do where you are now to deliver some of those lifestyle changes you want.

You may find that might help, you might now, but its better to start with what you've got rather than risk a very expensive and possibly upsetting move.

Good luck!

Waves to sarf Londoners from SE22

Growing veg ain't fun either. Veg are full of flies, caterpillars and maggots, need constant watering and pandering, and it costs a fucking fortune in tomato feed.

I planted 24 bean plants this year. Nurtured them lovingly, they grew tall and healthy and consumed £6 worth of feed. I got approximately 8 single servings of beans off them. The tomatoes still haven't ripened, despite being moved indoors to the lovely warm and light lobby.

Haven't got a fucker off the 8 aubergine plants. And the red peppers are resolutely green and too small to eat. Despite gobbling up a hideous amount of water and feed.

Plants 1, Stratters nil points.

Waves to Mintyy, am nearby.

Oh god, Sarah, don't get me started on growing bloody vegetables! Did it the first year we were there as part of my 'shit, I have no job, no friends and live in the middle of nowhere so had better find something to do with my time'. Grew a load from seed, planted them out. They were doing really well until I went into hospital (Lincoln ) to have my DD. By the time we came home, bastard slugs had eaten the lot.

All my veg come from the shop now

Mmm yes, I particularly like mine frozen now. It doubly ensures any stray varmints have died.

Plus it's 100% cheaper than growing them. And they look and taste better.

Perdita - We're thinking it could offer us a much better choice of schools for DS; more house for our money (much much more), a garden for DS to play in, close to his maternal grandparents who adore him but hardly get to see him, some family support which we don't have at all, pretty much, where we are at the moment. Most of our friends from the area have left and are now dotted about the country and world. I have one close friend locally as does DH, but both are moving in the next 18 months or so, one abroad and the other to another County.

(I am saying 'we' alot but DH is less convinced about this than I).

My comments about country living where very tongue in cheek. My mum lives in the most rural of rural Lincolnshire so I do have an understanding of what it's like. BUT the last thing I want to do is uproot everyone at my insistence and find myself even more isolated than I am currently...

I think I may just turn up on Knid's doorstep and try it out for a little while before committing

We had a vegetable patch in our childhood. It was quite idyllic but no desire to recreate.