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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have asked my Mum to not buy DD a pram?

66 replies

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 22/09/2012 17:04

About a week ago I mentioned to my Mum that DD aged 4 wants a pram...she hasn't got one so I said I would be buying her a nice one for Christmas.

Mum told me that there is a shop close to her with lot's of lovely, clssic toys that allows you to put things aside and pay them off over a period. This is great for me...as I'm on a budget....she then offered to drive me down there one day this week to choose one. Great...I said yes I'd love to thanks.

She has just rung me and said "I've just got DD a pram!" and I said "Why? I want to get her one for Christmas...." and she said "Oh it was a cheap wicker one...she can just have it now as a junk present..."

And I said no....I don[t want her to have two prams...you'll have to take it back Mum...

And she said "Why! It's just a cheap one!" and got VERY shrill on me.

I said "I dont want her to have two Mum...Id arranged with you that I would buy a really nice one for Christmas."

And she said "Well I can see you're very angry though I can't see why! i'll go now and let you get over yourself."

And I said "I'm not angry...I just want to choose a pram for DD for Christmas"

nd she said BYE"!! and went.

AIBU?

I don't want a "cheap junk pram just for now"...I don't want her to have two...it's wasteful and will take the shine off the one I was planning on getting. I feel really upset!

OP posts:

pictish · 22/09/2012 18:55

You see? It was well intentioned after all. There we are. Hope your wee dd enjoys her lovely vintage pram.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 22/09/2012 18:58

Usual

Yes

thebody · 22/09/2012 19:17

Nice to have a happy ending, good for you op am so glad.

SlightlySuperiorPeasant · 22/09/2012 19:26

Glad you sorted it out :)

apostropheuse · 22/09/2012 19:40

I'm glad you got this sorted out.

I will admit that I do often sometimes buy something that my daughter wants to buy for her two children for Christmas. However, in my case it's because I know she's not well-off and would struggle. She's a fantastic mother and I want her to see their happy little faces on Christmas morning when they see what Santa's left for them. (I don't actually give the children the things I buy - it comes from Santa). Let's just say I subsidise things a little.

These two particular children and their mum actually live with me. However, I give all of my grandchildren a gift to the same value when I see them all together on boxing day. I wouldn't let any of them see a difference. The others have both parents on the scene etc.

It isn't really very nice if someone is DELIBERATELY outshining the parents' gifts, in my opinion. However, in this instance it does seem as if your mother was trying to be kind and helpful.

Original poster

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 22/09/2012 19:49

apostrophe you sound like MY Mum...she always say's "Oh I will get things of equal value for all the others too!"

She's not a bitch...my eyes watered when I read that. She's lovely but she is thoughtless about me being an adult at times.

Usual you're right. Maybe they've got really bad ones or something?

OP posts:

Original poster

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 22/09/2012 19:54

I would like to add that she's just phoned up and asked me would I like an Android Tablet for DD2 as someone's son can get them cheap.

I can't believe her!

I said NO! And laughed....I also said I didn't know what I was getting DD1 yet!

OP posts:

apostropheuse · 22/09/2012 20:00

She's incorrigible!

(Perhaps I shouldn't mention that I have three lovely little innotabs and spare games awaiting three of my grandchildren this Christmas

AThingInYourLife · 22/09/2012 20:06

Well-intentioned my arse.

Idocrazythings · 22/09/2012 20:41

YANBU My mum does the same; she doesn't mean any harm in it, but it is annoying, and upsetting as I feel she is taking away my firsts with my child (is that petty?). She bought my DD1 her first bike, (age 1) and another time the full set of Enid Blyton books (age 5, well before she could read, they were on special) I had previously said it was something I was looking forward to buying and reading with her (I just wasn't ready when she was 5). Oh she also bought her her first Christmas outfit too. I don't know why they do it?

beautyfades · 24/09/2012 17:27

my mum used to always do this, and would leave me scratching my head to find replacement presents. I dont think they understand! but not being nasty on purpose!

mgt3005 · 22/10/2012 09:54

It was my sons 4th birthday 2 weeks ago and my mum got my son pjs that sounded ok until i opened them, they were for a 7/8 year old and 5/6 year old and one pair was very badly stained. She also got him eddie stobard trucks great he loves trucks, what 4 year old doesn't like to play with trucks, but they were bolted onto a stand and for adult collectors only (says that on the box..LoL) not suitable for children under 14 plus they were from a magazine that comes out fortnightly. She kept going on for ages that she was getting him a fish tank we even arranged to get some fish for it but the fish tank never came.

Mrsjay · 22/10/2012 09:57

YANBU a junk present what! your mum has undermined you and thought her poor deprived grand daughter couldnt wait a couple of months for a pram so she went and got 1 . tell her she can leave it at her house for DGD to play with there and you can still get her one for christmas,

Fakebook · 22/10/2012 10:00

Glad you sorted it out, but it sounded like an excited grandmother to me from the first post.

Your Mum sounds like a bitch.

Imagine trying to compete with your daughter for her daughter's attention like that?

^^ THAT comment really pissed me off. Don't know why. Sounded like an hysterical pitchfork waving "get the witch" rant. I hate it when people do this.

Mrsjay · 22/10/2012 10:03

Why are people calling the posters mum a bitch she got over excited thats not exactly being a bitch is it,

scootle · 22/10/2012 10:13

Biglegs My mum does EXACTLY this sort of thing. If I mention something I want to get them for Christmas etc, she will quite often get them the same thing as a random present a few weeks before hand. Sometimes I say 'whatever you do, don't buy xxx' - all that sticks in her mind is xxx, and she goes and buys it!!

I get the same initial fury as you, but also understand that her intentions are generous. she can't help herself from spoiling my kids - she actually gets over-excited and over-spends hugely and often pointlessly (which she never did as a mother). I also think she can't understand that I do things differently from her, or that I might want to savour the pleasure of buying something like a pram myself.

My dds adore her, and I love the fact that she is always there for them and gets so much pleasure from them - I have lost a few 'firsts' which makes me a bit sad, but have also gained a huge amount...

I do think I will be aware of this when my dds have dc though!

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