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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have asked my Mum to not buy DD a pram?

66 replies

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 22/09/2012 17:04

About a week ago I mentioned to my Mum that DD aged 4 wants a pram...she hasn't got one so I said I would be buying her a nice one for Christmas.

Mum told me that there is a shop close to her with lot's of lovely, clssic toys that allows you to put things aside and pay them off over a period. This is great for me...as I'm on a budget....she then offered to drive me down there one day this week to choose one. Great...I said yes I'd love to thanks.

She has just rung me and said "I've just got DD a pram!" and I said "Why? I want to get her one for Christmas...." and she said "Oh it was a cheap wicker one...she can just have it now as a junk present..."

And I said no....I don[t want her to have two prams...you'll have to take it back Mum...

And she said "Why! It's just a cheap one!" and got VERY shrill on me.

I said "I dont want her to have two Mum...Id arranged with you that I would buy a really nice one for Christmas."

And she said "Well I can see you're very angry though I can't see why! i'll go now and let you get over yourself."

And I said "I'm not angry...I just want to choose a pram for DD for Christmas"

nd she said BYE"!! and went.

AIBU?

I don't want a "cheap junk pram just for now"...I don't want her to have two...it's wasteful and will take the shine off the one I was planning on getting. I feel really upset!

OP posts:
usualsuspect3 · 22/09/2012 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Narked · 22/09/2012 18:27

I wouldn't use that word. I'd say it made her thoughtless at best.

Nanny0gg · 22/09/2012 18:28

YANBU.
I'm a GP and my DC have mentioned special presents they want to buy for their DC. And I would never dream of jumping in first.
Any 'big' thing I buy for Christmas or birthday is always agreed with the parents first.

Narked · 22/09/2012 18:29

You could always tell your mother your DD really wants an ipad Grin

AThingInYourLife · 22/09/2012 18:31

You hardly need a tortured mind to see the undisguised competition for top dog going on here.

The idea of my mother (or either MIL) doing something so crass and spiteful is laughable.

Tell her to shove her trip to the shop up her arse and buy your DD something else.

Never discuss presents with her again.

Sabriel · 22/09/2012 18:32

YANBU. Sounds like the sort of thing my mum would do.

thebody · 22/09/2012 18:35

Well each to their own but I think it was a present pure and simple.

If you come from a family that looks for nasty actions in every thing then you will see it. If you yourself indulge in 'one up man ship present buying' whatever that is then again I suppose you see this as a sly gift as well.

I come from a nice family with lovely sadly now dead in laws and although my parents drive me dirty I know they live my kids to bits.

thebody · 22/09/2012 18:37

Lol drive me dirty not dirty.

Op be careful on mumsnet, lots of really nice posters but some others as well who bring their own baggage ( as we all do) and some who just see grand parents in general as needing to he squashed over everything.

We nearly lost dd this year, don't make a rift where you don't need to, life's too short. That's my baggage.

Goldenjubilee10 · 22/09/2012 18:38

I agree with the posters that say keep it at your mum's house to play with there but she should not bring it out until after Christmas.

fedupofnamechanging · 22/09/2012 18:39

There are some people who are very good at doing things that can be interpreted in two ways. If you call them on it, then you end up looking petty because they will claim not to meant anything by it. Otoh, if you let them do it, they end up walking all over you.

It's a tough one - only the OP really knows what kind of person her mum is, thoughtless or mean.

I would explain about the wow factor and say you don't wish to upset her but you would like it if she either returned it or kept it for after christmas to keep at her house.

If she has form for this kind of thing, then you will have to avoid telling her anything. It's a shame for it to be like that, though.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 22/09/2012 18:41

Hmm

It coul be really nasty or it could be that she was thinking of your dd and not you. Which, I suppose, if she has form could be construed as nasty to you.

If she doesn't have form, then it could just be over excited thoughtlessness

I'm a bit uncomfortable about calling any woman a bitch.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 22/09/2012 18:42

Xpost karma

My thoughts exactly - expressed better

Birdsgottafly · 22/09/2012 18:42

"i'll go now and let you get over yourself"

That's classic, in people who like to manipulate the emotions of others, they put the 'fault' back onto their victim, in their little game of 'who's in charge', i can upset you, but can make it look like you are in the wrong for reacting.

"I had fuck all as a kid...maybe she's trying to make it up."

Or continue not valueing you?

ENormaSnob · 22/09/2012 18:42

I am fortunate to have a lovely family and lovely mil.

Which is why I find what your mum has done to be odd and underhand.

queenofthepirates · 22/09/2012 18:43

I have a mum like you! It drives me a bit potty but then I try and rethink things and be pleased she's so involved in my DD's life and willing to buy her nice pressies. It is a bit frustrating but now you have a spare!

I just roll my eyes (privately) and smile and say thank you (to her face).

Original poster
BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 22/09/2012 18:44

thebody I just rang her up to sort it out...thanks for the advice. She'd bought it from a charity shop....a small vintage one. I do think now that she genuinely did it as a nice thing.

It's small and old fashioned and she knows I like vintage....her friend was there too and I think egged her on a bit by offering to make some nice bedding for it.

I feel like a cow...so I explained that I'd rather have waited till' christmas but perhaps we can keep it at Mum's house and she was actually pleased with the suggestion/

It was a case of her getting over excited and me overreacting..

OP posts:
Original poster
BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 22/09/2012 18:45

I think I'll get DD a bike instead and a dolls cradle! Grin

OP posts:
JamieandtheMagicTorch · 22/09/2012 18:45

Oh that's good

Glad she's not a bitch ..........

BoomerGold · 22/09/2012 18:48

Swallow this one. Ask her to run these things by you in the future. Let her have the tatty pram, she might really like it. At Christmas get something else, or get a new lining for the pram or a doll to put in it. Make it up with your mother. Tell her why you were upset with her, and ask her why she bought the pram. Accept her explanation and both of you can watch your DD enjoy the pram.

Also, if it's really tatty, get some stickers to brighten it up, or glitter glue or paint or something.

Birdsgottafly · 22/09/2012 18:48

There is middle ground inbetween in being nice and a bitch, parents can be thoughtlesss and need reminding that we are adults and they haven't got the right to encroach on our joys of parenthood.

Proudnscary · 22/09/2012 18:49

For Christ's sake, do people really have to call the mother a bitch?!

I can see both sides.

I know all about toxic mothers, believe me, so I'm not ruling out her being 'sly' or thunder stealing.

But I think in this case she probably did think it was a nice solution. She knows OP is buying a super duper, exciting pram for Christmas but knows how much dd would love one to play with in the meantime.

But of course OP feels undermined, unlistened to and trumped. And doesn't see why dd needs an interim pram.

Mum then flies off the handle as she is embarassed/can't understand why she's getting such a negative response.

I know this is stating the bleeding obvious, but this is clearly more about your relationship with your mother than the pram, OP.

usualsuspect3 · 22/09/2012 18:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoomerGold · 22/09/2012 18:49

doh, too late.

Proudnscary · 22/09/2012 18:50

X posted - well there you go then. Not a bitch, folks Hmm

Glad you sorted it out, OP.

usualsuspect3 · 22/09/2012 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.