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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

sociopathic behaviour?

41 replies

plugplant · 22/09/2012 00:11

I have a toxic feeling inside, like feeling sick when thinking about or dealing with a certain woman. I must say, haven't felt like this before and it is weird!

Yet she has 100s of facebook friends and some people ingratiate themselves to her. I've seen her bully others and there are a close few who just support her instead of supporting the victim!

I know people say trust your instinct and every siren in my body wails. I recently read up about sociopaths and she sounded like a classic. She is in a position of power and it seems that's where these strong, ruthless personalities thrive. She has already been suspended but came back because she has a strong, high on the hierarchy, support network who she is charming to. Now she is even worse than before and will lie through her teeth to get people she doesn't like sacked in the name of efficiency.

There have countless bullying investigations and she survives them all because the people on the investigating panel are her close friends.

I would never in a million years be so rude and hurtful as she is on a daily basis. She is charming to her inner circle but leaves devastating wreckage in her wake with the rest.

How do sensitive people cope if they have to work alongside such a person?

Am I being unreasonable to think she has this disorder or am I just being oversensitive and should get used to her being aggressive, abusive and intimidating to me and to others knowing full well any complaint will be futile?

OP posts:

MrsAnything · 22/09/2012 00:13

I will be watching this thread with interest as I have someone similar, albeit on a lesser scale, on my friends list

MrDobalina · 22/09/2012 00:14

IME alot of management are like this
maybe they are all sociopaths though?

RaisinDEtre · 22/09/2012 00:15

raise grievance at work as you would with anybody.

I am going to say very gently that you shouldn't be attempting to diagnose anyone and then sit on my hands very firmly

CaliforniaLeaving · 22/09/2012 00:23

If you raise a grievance make sure you have plenty of actual evidence first seeing that she has friends in high places, other wise you will just be another case that she wins. If she manages to get away with it yet again, with evidence you can take it farther and higher.
I'd do screen shots of facebook bullying in case she starts to delete stuff to keep and make lots of notes in the diary or on a calendar.

RubyFakeNails · 22/09/2012 00:24

I highly doubt she is a genuine sociopath.

Or are you saying you know she has done things such as hurt animals and then progress in her attacks?

She is probably like, unfortunately a good handful of people, a really nasty manipulative piece of work.

Ignore her, don't get sucked in when shes charming and be safe in the knowledge that you know her true colours and will not be being chewed up and spat out.

If issues arise at work treat them like any other work issues.

Original poster

plugplant · 22/09/2012 00:24

So this is normal then?! What is wrong with speculating? It helped me on a daily basis to feel that she cannot help herself being like that!

Recently I have wanted to bite back but it hasn't really empowered me, just made me scared. Why the hell do I have a conscience, it is getting in the way!

OP posts:

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 22/09/2012 00:27

I worked with someone like this. Years later, I told my ex boss how she was and he said "God WHY didn't you tell me??" Turned out another woman had complained about this weird cow AFTER she'd left too.

Birdsgottafly · 22/09/2012 00:28

"I have a toxic feeling inside, like feeling sick when thinking about or dealing with a certain woman"

Sorry but if you have these feelings when you think about her, then this is a personal problem, no-one can 'make' you feel anything, you alone control your response.

Birdsgottafly · 22/09/2012 00:31

"What is wrong with speculating"

You are not qualified to do so. Reading a few books and seeing someone in work, doesn't give you enough information to diagnose them with a personality disorder, or Mental Illness.

"Recently I have wanted to bite back but it hasn't really empowered me, just made me scared"

You need to think about where the fear is coming from.

Original poster

plugplant · 22/09/2012 00:31

The place where I work was the most beautiful place, fab people, every day an absolute joy.

Now it is gone for good because of this one vile piece of work. Has anyone else experienced this?

I feel I am in mourning about what was. I took for granted how it all was and it will never be the same again, coping strategies please!

OP posts:

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 22/09/2012 00:34

Nonsense Birds women's instincts are very well honed and for a good reason too I am not saying that men's instincts are not well honed but women's are better. And if a person has a strong feeling about someone it's coming from some clue they are getting a lot of the time.

WorraLiberty · 22/09/2012 00:35

I think you're going to need to give examples if you want real advice to be honest.

I hate to say it but your OP sounds like it was copied from a text book.

What does this person actually do to make you feel this way about her?

Original poster

plugplant · 22/09/2012 00:39

So others don't feel bad vibes about someone after being badly treated?

The fear comes from not knowing what she might do/say. I am in contact with people who had terrible run ins with her and one was sacked and hospitalised.

I need coping strategies to protect myself.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 22/09/2012 00:40

You need to give some clear examples really.

mamakoukla · 22/09/2012 00:42

If things are really that bad and things will not change, seriously consider looking for a new job. Even if you do not want to as you were once happy there - if it is not going to change, better to leave on your own terms and with less damage done to you. Your job is important but if she is as bad as you suggest and you cannot stay outside of her circle of influence - is it worth your sanity and peace? Better to leave on your own terms with your self intact

FatFaced · 22/09/2012 00:43

Hm, I have someone in my life that makes me feel this way. I, perhaps like OP, find it very difficult to describe what the woman actually does that makes me feel that way.

MrDobalina · 22/09/2012 00:43

you are being a bit mystic...

FatFaced · 22/09/2012 00:44

'Fear comes from not knowing what she will do/say.' Yep I get that.

cynner · 22/09/2012 00:44

I once worked for a women, whom i believe was a sociopath. She tormented me for several years. The final straw was, having this person, come into my office with a surgical blade ( we worked at a health centre) and ask me to slit her ear. She had torn an earring out, but the lobe was still intact. She said she was told that it could not cosmetically repaired unless the lobe was torn in half. Of course I refused. She smiled strangely at me, and then cut thru both earlobes. She fainted in my office, I ran for help. I handed in my papers the next day.
I had nightmares about her for years. I think i know exactly how you feel trying to deal with the intimidation and abuse. To save my sanity, i had to leave. This woman was the nurse manager , and I was just a lowly social worker. She had all the power and control in this situation.

RubyFakeNails · 22/09/2012 00:46

Yes OP I think other people feel negativity after being mistreated and are then apprehensive about future interactions. Surely that is standard, so am surprised that to feel like this is so surprising to you.

I don't think most people then diagnose the aggressor as a sociopath.

Also the post about instincts and intuition of women. Mumbo Jumbo.

RandomMess · 22/09/2012 00:49

I watched a UK documentary recently which was stating that the percentage of people who are sociopaths is actually not tiny, it's just that most of them oblige to sticking to society's rules!!!

WorraLiberty · 22/09/2012 00:52

The reason I'm asking for a couple of examples/scenarios is because the OP has asked this...

Well no-one here can really judge whether she has this disorder or whether you're imagining it, until you provide some examples.

geegee888 · 22/09/2012 08:41

Isn't it around one in twenty who ate sociopaths in society? They aren't all violent murderers but it may effect their personal interactions if they have some of the personality disorders on the sociopathic scale. Eg anti social personality disorder, narcissism, hysrionic personality disorder...

They're also characterised by being poor performers in management, personal relationships etc.

I would trust your instincts. I once had exactly the same feeling about a new boyfriend, except for some reason I couldn't shake off the impression there was something sleazy about him. Despite him being lovely to me, most of the time, quite young, shy, seemingly inexperienced with women. Turned out he was a compulsive liar with another girlfriend in a different town and an pngoing internet dating habit!

geegee888 · 22/09/2012 08:42

apologies for spelling on phone errors!

Longtalljosie · 22/09/2012 08:47

In Jon Ronson's book he speaks to someone who thinks psychopaths are everywhere in management.

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