sociopathic behaviour?

[plugplant]

I have a toxic feeling inside, like feeling sick when thinking about or dealing with a certain woman. I must say, haven't felt like this before and it is weird!

Yet she has 100s of facebook friends and some people ingratiate themselves to her. I've seen her bully others and there are a close few who just support her instead of supporting the victim!

I know people say trust your instinct and every siren in my body wails. I recently read up about sociopaths and she sounded like a classic. She is in a position of power and it seems that's where these strong, ruthless personalities thrive. She has already been suspended but came back because she has a strong, high on the hierarchy, support network who she is charming to. Now she is even worse than before and will lie through her teeth to get people she doesn't like sacked in the name of efficiency.

There have countless bullying investigations and she survives them all because the people on the investigating panel are her close friends.

I would never in a million years be so rude and hurtful as she is on a daily basis. She is charming to her inner circle but leaves devastating wreckage in her wake with the rest.

How do sensitive people cope if they have to work alongside such a person?

Am I being unreasonable to think she has this disorder or am I just being oversensitive and should get used to her being aggressive, abusive and intimidating to me and to others knowing full well any complaint will be futile?

She just sounds like your regular, run of the mill two faced bitch to me. Unfortunately she will probably keep doing better and eventually become your boss. Sucks eh?

I don't think it matters whether or not you can label her, or what that label might be. If you generally find your instincts reliable, trust them now.

If it were me, I'd try to avoid her. If I couldn't avoid her, I'd probably leave. If I couldn't leave or avoid her, I'd probably take out a grievance, but I'd be very careful to make sure I had water-tight evidence first. By in large, I find life is too short for either bullies or bureaucratic battles... I try to avoid both :)

I have a relative who sounds like this OP. I can avoid her (and I do) but if I had to work with her. Oh god no.

Its hard to describe exactly what she does to make me feel so bad. I could write a list of things she says, but written down they would mean nothing to you all. You have to have the whole context, the sneering, the menacing laugh, the impression that she utterly believes shes a nice person while being so completely awful, before you can understand.

Add to that the power that these kinds of people have over others and honestly I can see why you feel the way you do.

I have no advice, because you cant really avoid her in a work environment. I just wanted to say that while some on here are a bit skeptical, I can see where you are coming from!

I worked for someone like that. After I handed in my notice I found out she'd been moved round every department, as she was soooo bad. Alot of places wont sack people, as they don't want to pay hefty compensation claims. Even more annoying was the bitch was then moved out of my workplace just after I left. I'd be looking for a new job.

Sounds like my SIL [evil cow] pulled her up on stuff she'd done and she denies any of it but has people saying how lovely she is no she aint

What company is it? Not a large European investment bank by any chance?

women's instincts are very well honed and for a good reason too I am not saying that men's instincts are not well honed but women's are better.

Not necessarily. Statistically, women are in the majority at lower, more vulnerable reaches of an organisation, and that is just the side to which a sociopath would show his/her mean side, while his/her shining, glorious side would be upturned, towards management.

Don't they tell us to observe how people behave to those in positions of less power, e.g. waitresses, cleaners on the Underground, etc.?

Oh OP i feel for you, i really do. I don't have experience of an employer being like that so i cannot help. Someone in the family is like that but its different as i don't have to deal with this person on daily basis like you do. I just wanted to tell you that i understand what you are saying.

But what difference would it make to attach a label? I'm not sure...

Sociopath or bully or just nasty bitch in any case it is not your fault.

Maybe best to focus on coping solutions or weight up drastic plans i.e. change job.

At the risk of doing armchair psychology myself, i remember reading that if you get this feeling towards a person it might be that she reminds you a bully from the past and brings up burried emotions.

I would like to update this as I listened to MN advice and wrote a complaint, as it had got so bad I had no choice but to leave. Two months ago she was sacked for Gross Misconduct.

Glad you took control.

Now I need to know what her job was, and how she scared you :)

i see your point ,question?>and bullying does not happen on this site ? course it doesn"t ,this is the "Sisterhood site "!!!

These people are everywhere and get under the skins of too many people. I've contracted in many large organisations and seen the most inappropriate people in positions of power.

How I've learnt to deal with this, and trust me there have been some proper weirdo bitches, is to look after yourself and don't get embroiled in other people's bad experiences. That doesn't mean you don't listen and show empathy, but you just deal with this person with steely determination, make sure you cover yourself by being able to prove your input and remember there are other jobs. It doesn't make this person right, but I'd seriously start looking for another role as once the rot sets in, it's hard to go to work feeling positive and this horrible tyrant will be going nowhere for a while. They never do. Organisations love a hard faced wanker to do the dirty work and they frequently protect the wrong people in my experience. Tough but true. I tried fighting these people in the name of decency and got nowhere. I don't understand it either!

Plug plant - wish I'd seen your post before my essay.

Good work - power to the people punches air

How refreshing.

She was a pathological liar and that is what eventually brought about her end. The extent of her lies were darkly comical.

The person who was hospitalised through stress because of her and about 12 others who had also been badly affected by her all got together with a bottle of champagne or 2 to celebrate.

Thank goodness truth and justice prevailed.

i am not sure what you want to gain from getting a label for her

Completely sympathise with you. Obviously i have never met the person that you are describing, but have a family member that is. What she has done and what we also suspect her to have done is so horrific.

She is utterly charming to those that matter and completely different to those that she sees as subordinates or family members that are merely there to give her the attention that she requires. No one and I mean no one ever believes and I mean police etc. To describe her behaviour and what she does makes the victims sound mad, which is so maddening, humiliating, degrading and I just cannot describe.

If you can, escape and move on. You cannot protect others but you can yourself.

Good luck!!!