To be scared of being home alone

[TellyTubby123]

I am absolutely petrified of being home alone, especially at night. My partner sometimes works away and I just hate being home alone. We recently moved from the city out to the countryside and live in a secluded location which has made my fears even worse. At least when I lived in our old terraced house in the city my neighbours were just the other side of the wall which I found comforting, although I was still a bit scared!

When I'm home alone I can't relax or sleep well - everytime I hear a sound I jump. We have a burglar alarm which I set when I go to bed and I do think our house is secure, with good locks on all the doors and double glazing etc. The crime rate where we live is below the national average too so it's not like I'm living in a very dangerous area or anything.

I'm fine when my partner is at home, and I've tried to rationalise my fears by telling myself that if armed raiders attack our house my partner probably wouldn't be able to do much anyway.......So does it really make much difference whether he is there or not?!

Am I being completely crazy and irrational? Does anyone else have the same fears? Any tips on overcoming my fears would be much appreciated.

First of all, you're not unreasonable, that's how you feel and your feelings are valid.

And it's positive that you've identified it as an area of your life that you would like to change.

Could you give us a little bit information? Has anything happened in the past to trigger this? Was it the same before you moved from the city to the countryside? Do you stay there on your own or go to friends and family when your partner's away?

I love being home alone-it doesn't happen often. However your feelings are not unreasonable. Have you thought of getting a dog?

I also love being at home alone, which is just as well as 50% of the time I'm on my own when my sons are at their dad's.

However, I still get scared sometimes, especially now the nights are getting darker earlier.

I've just learned to talk myself down from my fears, I guess. CBT (which I had for something else) also helps.

What about hypnotherapy?

I have had the same fears as you in the past.

When my Husband worked away during the week for 6 months and I was on my own with 3 ds's I barely slept for fear of what might happen at night, any noise I heard I treated as a potential intruder and even had a baseball bat by the side of the bed . By the way we live in a well lit residential street with very low crime rates .

I would recommend Cognitive Behaviour Therapy if you feel your fear is making your life difficult, go and see your GP for referral. I had sessions to overcome anxiety attacks for other reasons and I use the techniques taught whenever I feel an attack coming on which can often happen in the middle of the night.

Our homes are our castles and no matter how big or small they are, we should always feel safe and secure there.I see mine as a haven which I can return to no matter what is happening in the outside world, I could not imagine living anywhere that I did not feel ok in.If you are unable to move I would set about doing things to improve it's security, a dog does help but bear in mind dog ownership is hard work.

i love being home alone, atm DC are in school DH is in work and all the housework is done. The only thing i hate is the silence. When Dh is on night the only way i can sleep is either music through headphone or the TV on.

OP yanbu your feelings are your feelings

I would third a dog too.
Ours would always lick people.
But they bark,and we have,for business reasons,big burly men visit, including evenings,and it always surprises me how scared they are of medium size barking dogs.

YANBU, I remember moving from city to countryside and at first I hated the silence punctuated by the hoot of owls at night but I got used to it quite quickly.

Have you thought about getting a cat or dog? I love cuddling up to my kitty when I am home alone. Don't watch scary films. What about putting the radio on at night? BBC World Service or classic music?

I used to be terrified and managed to avoid it until I was about 42! My DH works away one night a week so I have just had to get used to it. We have a little dog now and that has made all the difference. He wouldn't be any real use but he's noisy if he hears anything. The fear has gradually faded the more that I do it.

YABU - I live in a rural area too, and would be nervous about being home alone if we didn't a dog. A dog is something to consider if you've got the time/money to care for one - they're also good company.

If that's not an option, is there someone who could come to stay?

Sorry that should be YANBU - I should just type the words, it's easier

My DH returned after a week away yesterday. 10 years ago I was really twitchy too when he was away just for a night or two despite living in an appartment.
Now, I love it and the funny thing is that I now live in a house with no nearby neighbours. However, I have good locks on the doors, keep a phone in the bedroom and have a walking stick under the bed! I would definitely get a dog if DH was away more often (but I'd love any excuse to get a dog anyway.)
I don't know why I used to be spooked or when/why I stopped being bothered but I guess it's just maturity/ life experience. The pros of a week free of DH and all his annoying little ways, outweigh by far any irrational fears I guess!
You will probably get used to it if your DH is often away. If not, you need to look into therapy or move somewhere you feel safer.

I'm the same....not that DH is often away but when he has been I hate it!!

I put it down to watching too many horror films as a kid....to this day if I get up in the night for a wee I have to turn all the lights on or I think a murderer will get me on the way back to bed

Fear is irrational...I Know really there is no michael myers waiting to kill me but I am still scared all the same.

Not helpful (sorry) but just wanted to say you are not alone :)

Thanks for the comments so far. I would love a dog but my partner does not want one, plus we can't afford one at the moment, so that's not an option right now.

When my partner is away I always stay on my own - I don't really want to ask friends if I can stay as they are all so busy I don't want to impose on them. My family don't live in the area they about 200 miles away so that's not an option.

We have only just moved into the house and so moving out is not an option as we have brought the house. Also I do love this house :) to be honest I think the problem is more me rather than the house as I would probably be scared wherever I lived unless it had a 20 foot steel fence around it! I did feel more safe when living in my small flat rather than a house but the reality is you can't live in a small flat forever ......

Nothing in particular has happened to me to make me this scared, I think I'm just a big wimp! However a couple of my friends have been broken into when they were in the house which has made me think it could happen to me. Neither of them were hurt just shocked. To be fair one of them had left a window open and lived in a pretty dodgy area too.

OP, I feel similar to you and I do the following to make myself feel more comfortable. Have a large dog, leave keys to both cars on stairs (my reasoning is that if intruders have got as far as the stairs, they can have anything they like - just dont come upstairs looking for car keys), go to bed early on those nights I'm alone with TV on in bedroom all night, leave lights on all over house.

I DREAM of being home alone. I LOVE it!

TellyTubby you sound just like me .

I always make sure that all doors are locked and draw the curtains as soon as it starts to get dusky.
Have the radio on, you don't mention children so make sure the house isn't quiet, background noise is good!
Don't watch creepy tv, I stopped watching crime watch when I could feel my heart starting to pound I am also a mahoosive wimp!

I live alone. So i can't be scared even if i am at times (does that make sense?!)... just check the doors & windows are locked; ensure you can find the keys fast in an emergency (but don't leave them in the locks); get a good torch & put security lights in any dark corners outside... finally have 2 landline cordless phones - eg. 1 upstairs & 1 downstairs; keep them charged; also keep your mobile phone with you.

Personally i do take lots of meds right now so i find it hard to react normally to things - if a strange man walked in my house now i would probably say 'oh, hi' before thinking, ''oh, hang on a minute, wtf...''

But i did nearly die of shock last night when i went into the kitchen & came face to face with my cat's 'cat friend' staring in through the glass door... bless him!

I also always have my mobile on and by the bed, just in case!

I don't DARE watch Crimewatch! I would never sleep again if I watched stuff like that!

And I forgot to add I sleep with three phones - two mobiles (the signal where I live is poor) and a landline phone!
Like the theory behind leaving the car keys on the stairs idea - thanks for that

Hi, I used to be like this, but have grown out of it, but I think thats partly maturity but mostly I have now lived in this house for 20 years and nothing has ever happened.
When I was younger I moved to a rural area with my DH, no children (only cats). I loved being in the house on my own in the day - but at night I went really silly. DH was away a lot as well. So I completely know what its like.

I put a bolt on my bedroom, had an escape rope, phone and would even put the burglar alarm onto the night setting. The front door ended up with about 3 extra sets of bolts. Only when I felt I had done all the practicable things possible was I able to get to sleep, it still wasn't easy but it was manageable.

I think it was mostly because I was (and still am) really scared of the dark - don't ask me why. Something that has helped over the last 10 years is having children and pets. I now can go outside the house when it nightime and I'm alone ie. to call in dog, bring milk in (we have evening deliveries).

I think if you have an overactive imagination and are quite a sensitive soul then you may be prone to this, but as others have said - rationalising the risks etc can help.

YANBU, I am exactly the same. I get myself into a right state if I'm alone. I don't ever remember being any different tbh.

OP, I am just like you, and we live in such a safe area that we never lock the door when we're home and have regularly left it unlocked (and, in one instance, wide open!) while we're out for the day.

Despite being 99% certain that we won't be broken into, I still get really, really nervous when DH is away and I'm always so relieved when I wake up and have 'made it' through another night.

There are two things that have helped me a lot which you could perhaps try:

1. We had a friend staying for a couple of months and he often got back late, after we were in bed. Actually hearing someone walking around downstairs made me realise how completely different it sounds to the usual clunks and cat activity that I was previously always convinced was a burglar. Maybe ask your DP to that for you one night?

1. I have a little routine of closing all the curtains before it gets dark, shutting all the doors as I go up to bed, etc, which I have (totally irrationally - but then the whole fear is irrational!) convinced myself makes me safer in my little bedroom haven.

Anything you can do to make you feel safer will help, even if it does mean additional locks etc.

OP I am exactly like you... I feel terrified at home by myself when DH works away (and sometimes when he's just out!)

My dog is only a spaniel but he has a very wild and loud bark and sounds like a much bigger dog than he is... I try to console myself with the fact that you can't sneak up on a person with a dog.

But actually, when I have to take him out at night or even let him into the dark garden, I hate it. (The responsibility, not the dog, he's amazing :))

I recently pulled out of a house sale because I had second thoughts about how I would feel alone as the living room was triple aspect onto woodland. Shudder.